Choose me or lose me

Black or blue?

Any other day it would be a lot easier to pick one of them but today, it's a big day for me. Today I'm going to be visiting my dying best friend one last time before she's finally gone.

I Don't know how to process it, actually I haven't even thought that deep into it. I've been avoiding the thought right from the day I heard it. It's too much to handle. I'm the kind who runs away from her problems, avoids thinking or talking about them. I always find an escape, just this time it feels too hard.

Ivy, that's my best friend's name. We've been together since grade 1. We've spent every passing hour together. Either I was at her house or she was at mine. She's the sibling I never had but always wanted. She was diagnosed with coma about 2 years back after the car crash we were in. I was with her, she was behind the wheel so she took all the injuries, I, I survived. Her mother had lost all hope but I was hopeful. I'd visit the hospital everyday in hopes of finding my best friend awake someday, I'd sit beside her and eat my lunch, tell her about everything happening in the living world, knowing that's she's listening to me. About 2 weeks back, something changed, she was unable to live without a ventilator. She was immediately put on the ventilator and treated as much as possible. The hospital bills were growing by leaps and bounds, aunt Jenny, Ivy's mum was finding it hard to pay them. My parents pitched in, I put in all my savings too but the bills didn't end. Aunt has a growing debt on her. The doctors say that there's no hope for my best friend's life. I never believed them, until the night before yesterday. Aunt Jenny decided that she did not want to see her daughter plugged in with tubes and pipes and suffering and struggling anymore. She made the decision to let Ivy go.

Black seems like I'm already mourning and preparing for the oncoming loss, blue seems to be a better option. I curl the ends of my hair, taking long enough to make them look perfect, I haven't bothered to apply makeup but today I take my time doing my eyes, my cheeks and my entire makeup. I iron my navy blue dress and pull out some black netted stockings with boots. I put them on and take a moment to look myself in the mirror.

My brown hair cascades down reaching mid back, brown eyes looking back at me. Ivy was the pretty blonde, we'd always joke about how her hair made her look like she was Cinderella's daughter. I miss her.

I slowly step out of my room when I hear my mother call for me. "Amy we're gonna be late hun, come on out"

I don't know if I want to go anymore. My heart feels heavy and I want to cry. I close my eyes take a deep breath and walk down to where the car is parked. My parents already seated in and ready to leave. I get in the car and muster up a small smile.

The drive to the hospital suddenly feels very short. The second I step foot in the hospital building my breath hitches in my throat. I feel my mother's arms wrap around my torso. I stay still taking in the moment.

We walk up to room 102, where my best friend lies on her ventilator. I step in and look at everything around. Aunt Jenny sits on one side holding Ivy who is numb and away covered in bandages, pipes and tubes. She still looks beautiful though.

I spend an hour or two just sitting next to Ivy and staring at her. I don't know what to say. I feel empty inside. The beep beep sound on the heart monitor is the only sound that fills the room. Aunt Jenny silently sobs and my parents are just there for us, trying to make it easier.

The doctor walks in and tells them something, I don't listen in, too occupied looking at Ivy. Some nurses come and start unplugging stuff, pulling out tubes and Aunt's cries become louder. That's when it hits me.

She's almost going away, forever.

Tears roll down my cheeks until evidently, I'm crying.

The heart rate monitor completely flat lined. The tears from my eyes don't stop, aunt is wailing and sobbing, my mother too. Suddenly there's a shift in the atmosphere. I don't know what happens but the nurse says something about oxygen. My dad does the talking and we are asked to leave the room. I feel someone dragging me out. When I look in the room through the window I see the nurses connect the oxygen mask and place it on Ivy. That's when I feel some hope.

I don't know what comes inside of me but I push my way past everyone, I move right beside Ivy and hold her hand. The nurses try to pull me away, something about doing their job. I ask them to let me have one minute. After some convincing, they let me take it.

"Ivy you have to live, live for me, live for you, for aunt Jenny and for us. We need you. You have a wonderful life ahead. You want to live it and make the most of it, don't you? It's choose me or lose me Ivy. And the choice is yours to make. Please for once try and fight for what we all need. I love you more than you will ever know. You win this battle and I'll be with you to celebrate your victory."

I leave a gentle kiss on her forehead and step out of the room. A lot more calm and satisfied. A few hours pass, the doctors finally come out and tell us she's breathing steadily and she could wake up soon.

There's hope in everyone's eyes. I close mine to thank God for sparing my best friend's life. To thank Ivy for making her choice.

We'll all definitely get through this, maybe it had something to do with the blue dress, maybe it was just fate. Either way I'm glad it happened. I'm thankful and beyond anything, I'm hopeful. Again.