Goodbye Amere

To my dearest Amere,

I can’t do this anymore. I can’t continue to play these silly games with you. I’m in love with you, and I think I’ve made that perfectly clear. I know that you don’t feel for me what I feel for you. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but I was terrified. I didn’t want you to reject me again. You already expressed that you weren’t looking for a relationship; You said that you didn’t want to blur any lines, but we’ve been doing that for over a year now. You rejected me, but you continued to text, call occasionally, flirt with me, sleep with me and spend money on me.

You treated me as if I was your girlfriend. At same time, you made it obvious that we were nothing more than friends. You constantly sent mixed signals. One week, you’d act like you wanted me and then the next, it was like I meant nothing to you wanted nothing to do with me. Sometimes, I’d hear from you all throughout the day and you’d give me all your attention. Telling me sweet nothings, and buttering me up with nonstop compliments of my beauty.  You made me feel like you really cared. Then, the next week, it was like I was irrelevant, and you would take hours to text back. You would say you were going to call and then I wouldn’t hear from you. You’d even dry text me and act completely uninterested. 

 I kind of feel like you’re leading me on. I want to believe that it is not on purpose and that your intentions are pure; that you’re just being a nice guy and that you really mean no harm. I honestly don’t know what to believe anymore or if you can even be trusted. What I do know is that I am hurting myself as I continue to live in this fantasy world with you; As I pretend as if everything is fine between us; Act as if there isn’t a gigantic elephant in the room. I’m tired of acting like nothing is wrong. I’m tired of faking smiles and giggles. I am tired of the overthinking and the wishful thinking. I keep hoping and praying that you would come to your senses and change your mind. You keep telling me that you hope I find someone else, insinuating that you don’t plan on being the one for me; and that’s hurtful because you know for a fact that the only man that I see is you.  

If I had it my way, you’d be the prince charming to sweep me off my feet, take me away, and then we’d live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that’s not how this fairytale is going to end. I apologize from the bottom of my heart, but I think it is best that we don’t talk anymore. It’s pointless because we’re getting nowhere. I don’t even know what this is anymore. We started off as childhood friends, turned into sex partners, graduated to special friends, and now we’re in deep. I’ve completely lost myself in this arrangement. I can’t let it get any deeper; especially if you have no intentions of ever giving us a chance at being something more. 

I am not doing this because I am upset with you. I could never bring myself to hate you because you have been such a blessing to me. You were there for me when I had no one. You accepted me for who I was, and you never judged me. You always made me feel special and beautiful. I’ll never forget that. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for everything. Whoever you end up with is going to be a very lucky woman. It sucks that I can’t be the one for you, but I will get over it. I do, however, need time to heal from this; from everything that I’ve been through. 

I wish you nothing but the best, really. You’re such a wonderful man. Such an amazing person. You deserve to be happy, Amere. We both do, and I am very unhappy with the current situation. That is why I can’t continue to do this. It’s not good for my mental health. I must go my own way. I really hate to have to end things with you. For the past year and a half, you have been my safety net; my hero; my person that I could always go to for anything. I loved talking to you. You were the only thing I looked forward to everyday; the only thing that made me happy. I was totally misunderstood, but you took the time to listen to me and actually tried to understand me when no one else would. 

You were the only one who didn’t think I was crazy. You saw me when no one else did. it wasn’t just about the sex with you. You not only made sweet love to my body; you made love to my mind and soul. I seriously couldn’t get enough of you. Your passionate kisses, electrifying touch, and the way you made my body feel; I was completely hooked. You also made me want to be a better person, and to change my ways. I appreciate you for always being respectful and treating me like a lady. You were always the perfect gentleman. You spoiled me and showed me how I should be treated by a man. Now, my standards are at an all time high. So, thank you for that as well. Maybe one day we can be friends again and look back and laugh at all of this, but right now, I just need some time to heal and regroup. I hope that you understand. I hope you don’t hate me for this. But I have to say goodbye to you. 

Sincerely, your special friend,

Farah 

P.S. No man could ever hold a candle to you. I’ll never forget you. Have a nice life. Be safe, and take care.