The Mask Falls

Why do people wear masks? To be someone else...to disguise who they really are. When a person returns home from some type of costume party, he/she takes off their mask and the real person is revealed. There are so many types of masks people wear. Animal masks, super heroes, cute/cuddly, comical, scary, angelic, evil AND mental masks. A mental mask is where a person pretends to "be" someone other than who they really are in order to "get" someone to be apart of their life for their own purpose and pleasure. Not a good purpose or pleasure. But a selfish, delusional, twisted, morbid purpose which gives that person a sick sense of pleasure.

That's what you did to me. You put on a mask of charm, love, caring, attentiveness, concern, helpfulness, being genuine and "honesty." It was all a game. Asking me about myself to use it against me. You're a manipulator. A deceiver. You told me to my face, "I know what I'm doing." Yes, I remember that. I have an excellent memory. People can choose to ignore the trauma they have experienced, remember it and inflict pain upon others or remember it, heal and help others. I chose to remember, heal and help others. I never wore a mask with you. I was open, upfront and honest. You took my kindness and used it for a doormat. You took your mask off at home and wiped your feet on me as if I was nothing.

You made sure that the mask didn't fall off outside of our home. I told you to your face, "If you treated your friends the way you treated me, you wouldn't have friends."

You and I know that's true. Your mask slipped down a few times but you quickly pulled it up so no one could see the real you. You can't keep the mask from falling for the rest of your life. You're not that good. When the mask falls, all will see YOU.

You, hurt. You, traumatized. You, unhealed. You, empty inside. You cause pain because you are in pain. You pierce others with all of the bottled up hatred within your soul. You can not get relief so you try to relieve others of their peace and happiness. You used to love my zeal for life, so I thought. You were drawn to my zeal only to destroy it. What I can't understand is this: You know how it feels to have a piece of yourself destroyed; well, in your case, ALL of yourself. Why would you want to do that to someone else? To me? I offered my love and support but you didn't want it. You said you didn't have a problem. We both know better than that. On top of trying to convince me of things that never happened, you accused me of having you followed. Look, don't think too highly of yourself. I don't have the time or finances to put towards that.

Love cannot heal a narcissist. The narcissist has to acknowledge and accept there's a problem. The narcissist has to want help. I don't know if you were clinically diagnosed as such, but you exhibit all but maybe 2 signs of the 9 signs listed. In the beginning, you made sure to sweep me off my feet. Congratulations! You did! Little did I know, I was your next victim. You sought someone who didn't know the real you. Doing and saying "all of the right things" at the absolute right moments. You should have been an actor. You played me like a delicate stringed instrument. You lured me in like bait on a hook. And to top it off, you laid the sticky web of "I love you." THEN, you, the real you showed up. You rarely gave me a compliment. And when you did, it was half-hearted. But, any compliment you rereceived was like food to you. Feeding on it for survival purposes. Storing up your supply. No matter what I said or what written, concrete proof I had about something, you were always right. I've heard you monopolizing conversations with friends. Saying untruths to make yourself bigger and better than them. Your fits of rage and anger were uncalled for. You did that to me, but not to those who mistreated you? Not that you should do that to anyone, but me? And don't get me started on the "Gaslighting." OMGOSH! You wanted me to feel low about myself because you wanted to feel superior. My self-confidence was a big surprise to you, huh? You didn't expect that. You tried to beat me down mentally and emotionally. You almost had me. You didn't know how rooted I was (still am) in God and His love for me. He kept me sane.

The truth will come out, it always does. Your truth will, too.

Moments of unmasking:

His "unveiling" was an accident. I remember he had people at our house. He brought pizza and snacks. The trashcan was full, so, I moved it.

When he came downstairs, he snapped at me(in a whisper) and asked where the trashcan was. I told him that I moved it because it was full. He looked at me with such hatred. Frowning. Lips tightly pressed together. He was angry. Beyond angry. His voice started to get louder, I guess scolding me, and I just looked at him. He realized that "other people" were present and could potentially hear him, so he stopped talking. This situation happened after I knew what his problem was (mentally). I laughed in my mind, thinking: "HA! Almost got caught, Bucko!" It got to a point where keeping the mask pulled up over his face was getting tough. There were several times it slipped down in front of people we knew. He quickly composed himself before anyone saw. But I saw.

I never had to tell anyone how he was treating me. I knew, someday, he would forget to put the mask on. And, he did...