The Day

A cold crisp evening with the stars shining brightly as if they knew. Tonight’s the night. Stars twinkling, a full moon with the autumn air giving a gently breeze. Standing in the mirror, a reflection of myself. Hair, styled. Lips a deep red thanks to my lipstick. His favorite black dress that he says that makes me delicious, on. Nothing can ruin this night. Tonight is the night.

I go to the car and there he is waiting for me. God, he looks gorgeous tonight.

I slip into the leather seats, the air thick of anxiety. Is he just as nervous as I am?

The uncomfortable silence evident by the little buzzing coming from the digital clock. Good Lord, please say something. Anything?

“I need to stop at the gas station, can you look up where the restaurant is?” His voice thick and shaky. So much so, it’s hard to distinguish his accent and his nerves. I pulled my phone out to look it up.

Looks like we’re only ten minutes away.

“I got a chocolate bar, want some?”

I’m so nervous, I can’t even stand the sight of the chocolate bar. I feel nauseas.

“No I’m good. Thank you though.”

We get to the restaurant and put our names down for a table. It’ll be twenty minutes before we can sit down. We decided to walk around and talk about the day. What we did, what we didn’t accomplish, how so and so was. Just shooting the breeze until we got into the restaurant. Waiting in the delicate breeze, until it is time. There was a buzz and we see that it is time to eat.

We ordered and all of a sudden the anxiety before dispersed. We laughed, made jokes, tried each others food. It was as if we were the only ones. I see the twinkle in his eye.

God, I can get lost in those eyes. I don’t want to end this night.

I give him a look. The one when a girl has fallen in love with the boy.

 “What’s wrong with you?” He said in his thick velvet accent.

“Nothing” I said with a small smile on my face.

Now he is giving me a weird look and I just laugh. I know he is confused, but I don’t know how to explain it. I see his dimples on his face.

Oh, how I want to kiss him so badly.

“You ready?” His voice cuts through my thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Don’t forget the little shark.”

I picked up the little toy shark and put it in my purse. Seeing the fin sticking out of the purse. I maneuver it around and it finally got in. A souvenir to remember this night.

Walking, with arms linked together. Trying to keep up in heels without falling was a challenge. But, no matter how hard I tried to keep up it was futile. We had to release arms, so I can walk at a better pace. I didn’t want to ruin this night by spraining my ankle. He opened the door for me, and got in afterwards. He leaned in with his cheek to me, signaling he wanted a kiss. I obliged with a soft smile on my lips. We drove slowly back and pulled over.

“You know, the question I asked was what you like about me? Not what you hate about me.”

He looked at me with confusion and sadness in his eyes.

“Well, what do you like about me?”

I thought for a moment and started listing everything I liked about him. How I felt safe with him, the way he looked at me during those tender moments. When his eyes can tell me that he loves me. How the sight of him working made me happy, because it gave me a sense that I can rely on him. For big things and small things. How I am in awe of him of overcoming all his hardships to be the man he is today.

When I got done, he looked down and then asked, “What don’t you like about me?

I told him how I don’t like how he talked down to me when he thought I didn’t know how to do something. When he does that it makes him sound conceited, like he was better than me. Made me feel bad about myself, because it made it more evident that I was younger than him.

He looked straight at me, seeing the hurt in my eyes.

“I didn’t mean too. I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever, but just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean it makes me hate it. It is a part of you. That’s why I didn’t say anything because I love you and you mean so much to me. I don’t want to hurt you like that. If it were truly a problem for me, then yeah I would say something to your face.”

He leaned in and kissed me passionately. I love his kisses.

Inhaling his scent, allowing myself to indulge in this moment. The kiss that has been burned into my very soul. Catching our breaths we let our foreheads touch as we bask in this moment. Everything is back to normal.

So I thought.

 It has been eight years since that fateful night. Who knew when you kissed me that night it was our last. You broke up with me without me even realizing that was what was happening. I still don’t understand what happen, but I learned to accept that I will never have closure. You made sure that it would be hard for me to forget you. That everywhere I turn that will be a memory instilled me, playing in my mind when I hear a sound, see a place, or walk a path.

It’s funny though, I thought we would be together. I could see it happening. I saw it so clearly in my dreams. We even talked about it but I guess there where just pretty words to use on me. But I don’t resent you. I wish you happiness. I gaze up into the autumn night sky. Knowing the weather tonight is the same as it was on that fateful night all those years ago. Not realizing that it would reawaken one of the most heartbreaking scene’s in my life.