cup a tea for the soul

I wake up, my covers and hair a mess. I groan, trying to shake the tired away. I look at the time, 6:24 am. I huff in annoyance wondering why I woke up so early. As I lay there for a while trying to find the energy to get up, the mental want to not just lay in bed all day doing nothing. After around an hour I finally forced myself to get up. As I get up, I notice just how messy my hair is, but frankly, I don't care. I walk out of my room, not bothering to make my bed, and I walk into the kitchen. I look at my stacks of various teas and wonder which one would make me happiest and most refreshed. In the end, I did eeny meeny miney moe, and I got the ginger tea. I grabbed the kettle, rinsed it, refilled it, and set it in the oven, careful not to let it drop onto the stove. I turn the stove on to high, I don't feel like waiting, waiting for my thoughts to take hold in my head. I check the time, 7:38 am. I sigh, knowing it's too early to do anything. I walk to the cabinet above the fridge and grab my medicine. Opening the bottle, I see I'm at 7 pills left, I number to myself, "Great, another pharmacy trip." I take my ADHD medicine, knowing that every time I do, I'm calm, yet my appetite dies. I hear the kettle whistling, I walk over to it, grab my mug, grab the kettle, and pour it into the mug. I put the ginger tea bag inside to let it brew. I grab my near-empty bottle of honey, and I squeeze a small amount in. maybe around a tablespoon. Part of me wants to drink the tea while it's burning hot, but I restrain myself, not needing to get burned. I set the mug down to let it cool off, I walk into the living room, plopping myself down on the couch. I sigh, feeling tired, sad, stressed, and overall just bad. Part of me wants to cry, but the bigger part of me feels crying is weak unless it's others. Every day, I wonder why I have a hard life or if I'm just a baby about it, if maybe I'm just being dramatic. I check the time again, 7:57 am. I sigh, wishing time would go by faster so I could feel the bliss of just sleeping. I wish I could forget about everything, my ex, the betrayal I felt from them, the pain I feel every day, I wish I could just stop feeling, if only for a day. I get up walking to my mug of tea, it's cooled down considerably and won't burn me now. I take a sip, and a feeling of nostalgia washes over me, it tasted just how Dad used to make it. But now he's gone, too, I feel a crushing weight in my chest that spreads to the rest of my body. It feels like everyone is leaving me, and I don't know what to do. I want to cry and scream, but all I can do is stand there looking at the ginger tea I made. I feel a tear roll down my cheek, falling into the tea, I watch as the tea ripples as the tear hits it. Rippling makes me think of the ocean, making me think of how I feel like I'm constantly drowning while being pushed further by the waves. But aren't waves just really big ripples? That got me thinking, what is the significance of life? If everyone someday will die, if this planet will someday be swallowed by the sun, if the universe will collapse in on itself just like it did in the big bang. Does it really matter what happens to me? Would anyone actually care? If everyone is leaving me, what's the point of living anymore? Should I do it for me? Or is that selfish? Don't I have everything I need to be happy? Food, water, shelter, entertainment? While I think I take another sip of my tea, memories wash back to me, "Why did you go, Dad? Why does cancer take everyone I care about?" I whisper, tears now rolling down my cheeks, as I wonder why everyone has left me and why cancer seems to show up everywhere I look. I finish the tea after some time, all the while tears rolling down my face. I take a deep breath, gathering my bearings. I have to go to work soon, with my friends. I remember I have friends who care about me a lot. I know I would do anything for them as they would for me. I chuckle, feeling foolish that I've forgotten about my friends, the most important people I know. I wash my mug, and I put a smile on my face. I walk to my room and make my bed, knowing that after a long day, this will give me happiness. "I have to remember I'm not alone," I say to myself, trying to engrave it in my brain. No one is alone in this world, and we can't forget that. I get dressed and smile, feeling refreshed. I thought about the ginger tea and the memories it brought back, and I smiled. I know how to feel ok with it, for my dad might be gone, but I shared many good things and memories with him. I know I'm going to be ok now that he is gone, and I have to accept he's gone. Even though it may hurt, I have to move on and not forget the advice and things he shared and told me. It might feel like everyone is leaving me, but I still have people there, and I always will. I walk out the door remembering my bike is broken, I don't care though. Nothing is going to make me sad now. I grab my wireless headphones, put one in my right ear, turned on my YouTube mix, which is basically just whatever YouTube put up for you. I stretched for a minute and started running.