Life is so unpredictable.

I woke up at midnight (12:00 a.m.)To use the bathroom, hoping my insomnia won't return. I heard my cell phone vibrating. It was my stepmother, Sundia Brownson. She called to tell me that Papa had been rushed to the Downtown hospital. " He's dead, child." She said. Her voice sounded pitiful. I honestly didn't know how to respond. I stayed quiet on the phone, trying to make sense of what was said. I wasn't prepared for such news. No one is ever prepared to hear about their loved ones in such sorrowful and helpless conditions. " He is on the 2nd floor in room 205. How soon can you get here?'' I was completely quiet. I was trying to get myself together because my mind had zoomed out. I could feel and see that I was no longer living in the moment. I started imagining what our lives would be like without Papa. I was now in three different stages. Numb, shocked, and scared. I envisioned myself in a therapist's office discussing all the things I wish I could have said and done with my Papa. I thought about our best and worst moments together. Although I escaped for a minute, I could still hear Sundia weeping uncontrollably. I slowly got out of my bed and turned around in my room, looking for my keys, lucky charms bracelet, converse sneakers, and jogger set. I walked out of my room and headed toward the elevator. It's quite unusual for me because I always take the stairs, but this is an emergency. I came out of the elevator and saw my neighbor Thomas standing outside smoking and chatting with his roommate Jack. They are both music teachers. How exciting it must be for them to play different musical instruments and teach their students about rhythm and melody as they listen to beautiful songs sung by many talented and gifted musicians. They turned to look at me, and I smiled and greeted them as if my world wasn't falling apart. I entered my car and immediately turned on the radio, hoping to find a good gospel station or some motivational speaker to motivate me. I switched between stations, but nothing sounded interesting, so I bowed my head to say a little prayer. "Dear heavenly Father, our earthly teachers have made us believe that we have got one life to live. This leads us into temptations that cause us to do reckless things to our body, mind, and soul. Some people are extremely lucky to be spiritually awakened, and others are not so lucky. These are the people moving in different directions and living life in a way that they believe satisfies their souls. Well, heavenly Father, as I sit before you at this moment, I pray to you because you are the way. I know you won't betray me because you are the reason for the seasons. I know life is short and unpredictable and that sometimes bad things happen that one cannot predict. I have made up my mind to accept the unpredictable and unexpected situation my family and I have found ourselves in, and in this moment of silence with you, I ask that you please give me spiritual and physical strength when my body and mind are weak. I ask for courage for Sundia and me when we feel afraid and comfort when we feel alone. We may or may not hit rock bottom, but if we ever find ourselves so low, I promise you that we will believe in ourselves and regain control of our lives; knowing you, God will take care of us, amen.

 From Eastwest To Downtown.

I lifted my head and looked around before starting my car engine to drive to the hospital. When I arrived, I walked straight to the reception to introduce myself as Riley Brownson, but then I had a change of mind and turned to my right to head over to room 205. I took a deep breath to hold my composure as I placed my hand on the doorknob. I stood still for about five seconds, and then I slowly opened the door and saw Papa James on the bed, looking so unrecognizable. Thin like a stick, eyes rolled back in his head, and completely bald. Papa had been battling alcohol, cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy addictions for years, so his new appearance isn't dramatically shocking to me, but it's heartbreaking to see. I got closer and took a deep breath before giving him a big and tight hug for the last time. As I held back my tears from falling, trying to stay brave and strong, I took a look at Sundia, and I could see how lost and exhausted she was. The doctors and nurses came in to get Papa transferred to the mortuary to prepare him for his final resting place. Sundia stood beside his bed as they covered him from head to toe with a white sky clouds bedsheet. I removed my lucky charms bracelet from my left wrist that my papa had given me as a gift and placed it on Sundia's wrist to give her strength, encouragement, and joy. "This lucky charms bracelet means a lot to me. It was gifted to me by the man that you deeply love. He may no longer be here with us physically but remember that he is with us in spirit. His death is quite unfortunate, but may we always remember him as a father, a loving husband, a great person, and a good comedian that made everyone around him laugh as he secretly fought his demons in silence. Oh my, dear Sundia, saying goodbye to a loved one is never an easy thing. Our commander Papa James may have lost the war he was fighting, but I know for a fact that he left behind brave, beautiful, and strong soldiers. Whenever you feel alone, look at this bracelet and pray for comfort and believe in yourself always, and know that God will take care of you.