Hey There Neighbour!

Hey there Neighbour!

We haven't yet formally met but have, of course, noticed the crisp sold sign on the front lawn and spied the moving trucks circling the house for several weeks now and decided it was time to officially welcome you to the neighbourhood! We're a cheery bunch here at Cherry Blossom Crescent, and we love meeting new folks so we're hugely excited to have a wonderful new family joining our welcoming little community! As with all neighbourhoods, we have our little quirks (nothing too strange - don't worry!) so we thought we'd give you a short run down of just how things work around here so you folks are in the loop before you've even spent your first muggy spring night here!

1. As just mentioned, the nights (and days) here get muggy! We would highly recommend investing in an air conditioning system. The previous owners chose not to heed our welcoming advice and certainly found things became...and smelled...very unpleasant without it! If desired we can certainly help to connect you with several technicians who live right here in our very own neighbourhood and will install your desired system for a reasonable and fair price!

2. We (your neighbours) are always more than happy to lend a cup of sugar or dish out sweet iced tea on a hot day, but if you should need anything between the hours of 2am-4am you should most certainly NOT knock on any neighbours door. We will all answer, of course (we're all neighbours here!) and we will all most definitely invite you in. Under no circumstances should you enter. If at any point you do find yourself knocking on a neighbours door between these hours, graciously decline whatever courtesies they offer you. Slowly retreat from their doorway WITHOUT losing eye contact with them until you are off the property. Immediately make your way back to your own property and line all doorways and windows with salt. Ignore the scratching. Any time outside of these hours - please, knock away neighbour!

3. On the first of every month you will hear a woman screaming in the street, asking for her child. Ignore her. There is no child. Pull down the blinds and should you see an outline against any of your doorways play a recording of a baby crying on a loop the whole night.

4. Dogs and fish are fine pets. Cats have a tendency to go missing around these parts. Sometimes they turn up again, but only parts of them. Best to rehome any cats you have brought with you now and stick to companions of the canine persuasion!

5. Speaking of pets, the dog park is open between 8am-8pm and is a fantastic community project, we always welcome assistance in maintaining this cherished space from new neighbours and, of course, always ask that you clean up after your dog! A clean park is a happy park! Failure to clean up after your pet will result in a warning and continued non-compliance will be dealt with accordingly.

6. Should you see the shadow of a tall man in a top hat behind you in any mirror in your house, be sure to make direct eye contact. Loudly state the exact day, time and year and only look away after he has backed out of view. If he, instead, begins to creep closer to you, you must remain still and maintain eye contact. If you follow these instructions he will not be able to cause you any physical harm and he will eventually retreat. However, this may mean he has taken a dislike to you. In this instance, be sure all mirrors in your house are facing one another. He does not likes to see his own reflection.

7. The small blue house on the corner has no number and no occupants. If you should see or come into contact with any apparent occupants you are to wholly ignore their presence. If you engage they will tell you things they have no neighbourly business knowing, but this information will come at a steep price. If you are to accidentally engage with any apparent occupants, be sure to remain in a public setting for the following 48 hours and disregard any information they have shared with you. Do NOT repeat the information to anyone. Nobody likes a gossip!

8. Being a family community, we have a zero tolerance policy for drugs and/or reckless behaviour. Civilised and refined gatherings are fine and we would never deprive anyone a cold beer or wine at the end of a long day (we aren't monsters!) but excessive and disruptive drinking will not be tolerated, we're sure you understand!

9. The Warrens down at number 58 have been holding a weekly bake sale to raise funds for their daughters medical bills. Young Delilah was tragically struck by a car last year in our very own peaceful neighbourhood and has sadly been in a coma ever since. Attendance to the bake sale is not mandatory but absence will be noted. If you do choose to attend, please do buy generously to help young Delilah and her family in this trying time. Be sure never to eat anything you purchase. Sadly the assailant was never found by police, and while we understand this story may cause some apprehension for those new to our community, rest assured we here at Cherry Blossom Crescent have no concerns at all about his return, and pride ourselves on being a safe and just community!

10. A young boy may occasionally knock on your door requesting to retrieve his ball from your back yard. He is always polite and has cropped black hair and a thin but noticeable scar tracking across his cheek from the right nostril to the temple. There is no ball. Politely decline his request. Turn off all electrical appliances in your house and find a spot to hide. Once the giggling has stopped, you may resume your day.

11. If you are approached by a neighbour offering you an orange or red apple, accept it graciously. They will be smiling widely. Do not consume. Bury the fruit directly beneath your back door. Be sure to cleanse the area daily. You may catch the neighbour who gave you the fruit watching, this is to be expected. Do not react. Do not smile back. When the whispering starts, unearth the remains. You have 24 hours to pass it on. Choose the next holder carefully and watch them closely. Should they fail: you will be held responsible. Keep smiling!

12. Feel free to tend to your garden and grow any desired flowers or plants in the beds provided. We kindly ask that you do not use areas outside of the designated plant beds to sew any seeds or plant any further vegetation. Any plants found in unspecified areas will be pulled down and incinerated immediately. Fines and penalties will apply. Should anything edible be grown in these areas, the offending vegetation should not be consumed and should instead be destroyed immediately in a manner that leaves no remnants. If you or a family member is known to have consumed an edible plant grown in an out of bounds area, there is sadly little we can do to assist. Make yourself or your loved one comfortable, gather sheets for the inevitable leakage and kindly alert the community so we may mark your house and carry out the necessary disposal.

13. Finally, we host a monthly gathering at Cherry Blossom Community Centre and encourage all to come along and share their opinions! We are an active community and thrive on feedback and the opportunity to continually maintain the high and welcoming standards we have set for ourselves. This is a chance to give an honest and real overview on your experiences in our community, and as such constructive criticism is always welcomed too! We have recently heard rumours circulating that state otherwise, please ignore any such whispers and be sure to report the names and house numbers of any spreading such venomous gossip so we can get to the bottom of the situation! I will repeat, constructive feedback is welcomed and there will be no adverse consequences for suggesting improvements, despite the rumours to the contrary. Accidents happen, we are not responsible for the reckless behaviour of others and wish their families well, even when the victims were known culprits for spreading untruths within our community. Remember neighbour, whispers are whispered for a reason!

Well, this about rounds up most of the important information. We hope we didn't take too much time out of your day or overwhelm you with information - we tend to be such chatterboxes at the best of times! Please never hesitate to contact us with any further queries or questions, or just to say hi! We are such a welcoming and loving community here and Cherry Blossom, and we are so excited for you to join us! We hope to see you out and about very soon!

All the best,

The Community