Boobs, Kisses, and Tears

Liz walked into a bookstore. A stack of books with a provocative cover caught her immediate attention. “Boobs, Kisses, and Tears” by K.M. An over-photoshopped image of a Barbie-like woman with a seductive grin and quite generous neckline was a definite eye catcher. A memoir of a 25-year-old influencer, revealing the dramas of her life. 

“Oh my…” Liz sighed as she picked up the book, casting a comparison gaze at her own generous décolleté, flipping through the pages. 

It is her first summer in Dusseldorf, since the adventurous career move from San Francisco. A charming city on the Rhine River was a promising spot for a new and exciting chapter of her life—a closure to the years of drama, and a final reconnection with herself.

An athletic man with neatly styled light brown hair turned towards her with curiosity. He was drawn by intense, seductive, and delicate fragrance trails. Spicy sweet floral notes were irresistible. She lifted her eyes from the book in response to a drilling stare from across the shelf. Charismatic man was unapologetically examining her.

“Hi! I am Torsten.” The stranger went around the shelf and extended his hand with a warm smile.

“Hey, I am Liz, Elizabeth.” She put the book aside, rubbing her hands as if it was covered with a plague.

“And by the way, I don’t read such books; it’s just the cover that puzzled me for a moment,” Liz declared in a royal manner, looking straight into his piercing blue eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Elizabeth. So, what do you like to read, then?” Torsten kept examining her with more amusement. 

 “I just finished reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. And I am here to get his other book “The New Earth”.” She kept walking between display units towards the “Mindfulness, Meditation” section. 

“Wow, what a coincidence. A friend of mine told me about this book yesterday, so there is no excuse, I have to get it now.” He followed her alluring silhouette. 

“Yes, you should. It can actually change your life.” She pulled the book off the shelf and pointed it at her new acquaintance. 

“Sounds interesting. Would you like to grab a coffee here at Königsallee and tell me more about it?” Torsten leaned towards her as if sharing a secret, savoring again her enchanting perfume. 

“Why not?! Show me the way.” She delicately tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, while packing the book at the cash counter. 

Freshly brewed coffee, buttery pastry aroma and hugging comfy seats at a nearby cafe kept them for a long conversation. Two misted gin tonic cocktails replaced empty coffee mugs. A few hours later Liz ended up at his bachelor loft with a stunning view over the Rhine River.  

“Oh wow, do you play guitar?” She stroked a golden electric guitar in the corner.

“Sometimes, I do. It helps switching off my brain overworked with all the coding, algorithms and thoughts during the day. I disconnect this way.” Torsten picked the guitar and improvised a soulful melody. 

“Alexa: Evening lights! Alexa: Play Haelos!” He commanded, and the room turned into erotic space filled with exquisite vocals.

Liz was setting him ablaze with every unbuttoned button of his checkered shirt. 

“You are a cosmos,” Torsten whispered, as he was burying his head in her plump décolleté, inhaling hypnotic aroma from her sun kissed skin. Her hands were lost in his soft light brown hair. Both could not get enough of the kisses. When his hands landed on her breast, she burst into uncontrolled laughter.

“Is something wrong?” Torsten froze in shock. 

“Haha, no, no, sorry. I just remembered that book from the store “Boobs, tears and kisses”. Possessed by uncontrollable laughter, she continued.  

“Here are the boobs, and a lot of kisses, I hope there won’t be any tears after all.”

“Shhhhhh”, his finger silenced her lips. Her beauty and confidence broke all his codes, she managed to bypass all his algorithms.

They could spend hours over the phone talking about everything with no prejudice or reservations. It was a “no judgement” space, where each one had a freedom of self-expression and a luxury to remain themselves. 

“Hey, Liz. How are you? Any plans this weekend?” popped on her phone screen. 

“Hey, no plans yet. I can pick you up at the station by 7. Got my car today. How does that sound?” She tipped quickly on the screen. 

Just like in the book store, Torsten stood in front of her, illuminating admiration. He inhaled once again her scent, burying her in a long embrace. 

“Are you in the mood for a picnic?” Liz blurted, pointing at a basket in the trunk of the car. Smiling like a child in front of an ice cream stand.

“Sure, let's have a picnic,” He pulled her closer and kissed. 

Summer warmth infused the air with floral scents. The universe played along, orchestrating the best possible ambience. As they walked through the field towards a small pond, nature was welcoming with dozens of sounds. Birds, crickets and trees rustling carried out their top performance. A magnificent sunset show.  

The picnic spot was completely to themselves. Liz curled into Torsten’s embrace. The sunset gradient reflected in the water was getting more beautiful with every kiss she felt on her skin. Powder blue gracefully blended with a crimson pink, turning the horizon into a true masterpiece.

“This is how the beauty of the present moment looks like,” she acknowledged, leaning on Torsten’s shoulder. It was all about the beauty of that moment, about Torsten, his mesmerizing blue eyes, his tender hands over Liz’s shoulders here and now.

Once the night fell over the pond and they walked back to the car. 

“Oh my God, Torsten, look at this moon!” Liz pointed to a huge orange ball of light resting low on the dark field horizon.

“So is that sort of a bonus from the universe for us appreciating the present moment ?” He lovingly slid his arm around her waist and kissed her on her cheek.

“Maybe…” she rested her head on his shoulder, but the loud ringtone of her phone immediately straightened her up. She stepped to the side, gesturing an apology.

“How is it going? Is he in?” a male voice asked.

“Hello, Chris. Yes, all ok. Documents are almost ready,” she rolled her eyes, expressing an annoyed grimace.

“So you are still with him, what are you doing in the middle of a field? Make sure you stick to the plan, as we have discussed.” His hoarse instruction ended with an uncontrollable raspy cough.

“Don’t worry, the project will be finished. I have to go now. Bye.”

Liz tossed her mobile in her designer bag.

“Sorry, it was my boss. He is a micromanagement freak.” She exhaled dramatically, avoiding eye contact with her date.

“Does he often call you on weekends?” Torsten asked, watching her reaction.

“He does sometimes, when we have important projects.” She slid out of his embrace, and kept walking.

They drove off in uncomfortable silence.

The engine roared as the “unlimited speed” road sign flashed by.

“Are you ok? Are you planning to take off on the autobahn?” Torsten broke the heavy silence and put his hand over Elizabeth's shoulder. 

“Yeah, I am ok. Speeding is my antistress. That project makes me nervous.” She faked a smile, tightening her grip on the wheel. 

“Didn’t you tell me that we need to surrender to whatever it is instead of fighting it?” His hand continued playing with her hair. 

“Yes, I did.” She sighed, accelerating even more. Anger, guilt, passion, and love were boiling inside her.

“Would you stay at my place tonight?” he asked, caressing her neck.

“Do I have other options?” she threw him a tempting glance and made a sharp turn towards the highway exit.

Her naked body curled up next to him. Liz silenced what could have been said and instead tightened her embrace around his torso. 

“You hacked my firewall…” Torsten whispered, playfully slapping her hip. 

“What are you talking about, Mr. Torsten?” she pleaded and giggled. “I am innocent.”

“"You hacked it right here," he patted the left side of his chest and kissed her forehead. "And now my operating system runs differently."

A new loving couple embraced an adventurous summer. Sunbathing on the picturesque beaches in Sicily, dancing in the rays of sunrise in Amsterdam, kayaking between lush green banks of Ruhr river, sharing delicious meals in Düsseldorf Altstadt.

Her presence in the loft was scattered from skin care jars and colorful makeup boxes in the bathroom to a stack of cookbooks in the kitchen.

Trees prepared to shed bright, autumn colored leaves. A well-dressed couple strolled along the Königsallee.

“Some coffee or a Gin Tonic?” Torsten pointed at the café where they first met a few months back.

“Only if you promise to take me to your fancy loft and play “After Dark”,” she playfully kissed him and stepped inside the cozy cafe.

Soon after two misty Gin Tonic cocktails were served, ringtone disrupted their chatter.

Liz looked at her phone screen, silenced it, and threw it back into her bag.

“Don’t you want to take that call?” asked Torsten.

“It’s not important. I’ll call back later.” There was a tone of irritation in her voice. She could not hide the tension in her face.

“Liz, is everything okay?” He tried to pull her into a cuddling embrace, but she slipped out and replied with a deep sigh:

“No, I am not ok. And I feel I owe you the truth.”

“Ok, you killed someone and threw the corpse in the yellow trash bin instead of black one,” Torsten tried to defuse the tension and smiled.

Elizabeth took a deep breath holding his hand and started:

“I am not in Dusseldorf to sell some freaking software. I am here to recruit you, to work for us, Department of State, Bureau of Intelligence and Research. “ She declared in a military manner, still holding his hand.

“It's a joke, you are pranking me right? Liz, you are really something” He laughed, reaching out to kiss her. The woman in her camel-color trench coat recoiled and pulled an ID from the bag.

“Unfortunately, it is not a prank. I think we better go outside and talk.” Liz kept her composure but her eyes were filling up with tears.

“So you lied?!! You fucking faked all that crazy love?!!!” He yelled, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Torsten, I didn’t fake it—unfortunately for my career. I fell for you, and all that we experienced in Palermo, Amsterdam, here, it was real. I didn’t expect that you, with your fucking blue eyes and charm, would get under my skin. It was not a part of the plan!” She picked up her pace as if to escape.

“So what was the fucking plan? Ha?!” Torsten raised his voice.

“Very influential and wealthy US citizens noticed that large amounts get missing from their accounts on a regular basis. Their accounts happen to be with the same private investment bank where you work. We got a tip-off that one of the bank’s software engineers injected a virus into the system that deleted all logs, then downloaded streaming data whereby identity data was sold on the darknet, and large amounts were withdrawn from accounts. We know that there could be a trace of FSB. German authorities are investigating, but our department decided to launch our own investigation, and you were chosen to be our eyes and ears at the bank. That was the plan.”

Torsten buried his face in his palms. As he tried to interrupt Liz’s confession, she ignored and continued:

“What actually wasn’t part of the plan is that you seduced me!”

“Oh, I seduced you?” Torsten tried to grab Elizabeth’s arm and paused the sprinting walk.

“Yes, you seduced me! You seduced me with your surprise Palermo trip, us dancing like maniacs in Amsterdam, us smoking grass naked on your terrace and you playing guitar, with us having the best sex, with us creating our own no-judgement space. I was not prepared for all of that!”

They stood still, looking at each other.

“So, what’s now?" Torsten broke the silence and crossed his hands in front of him. The sudden ringtone broke the awkward tension in the air. Liz reached for her bag and whispered with a tone of guilt, "I have to take this."

"Chris Boss" was displayed on her phone screen.

“Hello. Yes, I am busy right now”. She held the phone and looked towards the sky, as if in prayer.

“We know you are with him right now. We are out of time. Either he gets in the game today, or we’re aborting the whole operation. And you get on the flight to Washington by the end of the week. Am I clear?” The hoarse monologue ended with an uncontrollable, raspy cough.

“Yes, clear, sir. I have to go now.” She wiped uninvited tears, tightly squeezing her phone, stepping closer to Torsten.

"Torsten, I know you are feeling betrayed and mad right now. I swear…" Liz spoke, stroking his hand, which still remained in a defensive cross against his chest.

“Elizabeth, stop! Don’t start, this does not work with me. our fooling technique worked only once. I’d better go.” His cheekbones were pulsing in rage.

"Torsten, but I really love you! I mean it," she called after him as he headed toward the parking garage.

He quickened his pace without turning around.

INR ordered the suspension of the investigation on the private investment bank. Within a week Liz was decommissioned back to Washington. Her new office reeked of aging dust and boredom. A golden triangular plaque with "Elizabeth Calder, Archival Records Analyst" nestled among stacks of papers on the desk. Her boss Chris made sure to keep her busy reviewing and categorizing old intelligence files. Weeks of work in the room with no sunlight and no access to active intelligence tasks.

A pile of paperclips, which she absentmindedly straightened into strange, twisted hooks, mirrored her inner state. Liz struggled to process what had happened on her assignment in Germany. Torsten had been out of reach, without giving her a chance to speak with him again.

Torsten had not even noticed how days were getting shorter in Düsseldorf, and Christmas Markets had been put up around the city. He had thrown himself into workaholic mode, сonvincing himself that life goes on. However, a bitter reality hit him every time he returned to his empty loft—Elizabeth’s cookbooks still stacked in the kitchen, her skincare jars still in the bathroom. Despite being mad and disappointed, he could not throw them away. He would pick one of the books and occasionally flip through the pages, reliving the memories of their cozy cooking evenings . He missed her alluring scent.

Their last conversation shattered his trust in romantic relationships and pushed him to start his own investigation. He was determined to find out who inserted the virus into the system and who was covering it up.

“It’s Friday, 9 pm. Aren’t you going home?” Stefan tapped him on the shoulder as he was heading towards the office door.

“I still need to finish some coding, I will stay for a bit.” Torsten answered without lifting his head from the dark screen.

“Oh come on, let’s go have some Glühwein, the code won’t run away!” Colleague insisted, waiting at the door.

“I am good, Stef, thank you. You enjoy, and drink one Jagermeister for me!” Torsten waved his hand in the air.

“Ciao! Don’t stay late.” Stefan disappeared behind the closed door.

Once the office was finally empty, Torsten leaned closer to the dark screen, and started checking transactional data flow logs. Endless rows of minuscule symbols wriggled across the dark monitor like an army of ants. Dry eyes were burning.

“Nothing suspicious here.” He sighed, took a bite of a green apple, and kept typing like a piano virtuoso.

Software engineer rubbed his eyes and switched to the logs from the cameras installed inside the ATM downstairs at the bank’s customer hall. He kept switching between transactional data and the camera records.

“Bingo!” Torsten leaned back, stretching in his chair with a satisfied smile. He discovered that some camera records did not match the data from the transaction logs. It was a good clue, but it led to even more questions. 

He leaned even closer to the screens, rewinding the videos over and over on one and scrolling through the tables of numbers and letters on another. Torsten grabbed his head in disbelief as he recognized Stefan on the video recordings. His colleague was inserting the card into the ATM, but not proceeding with cash withdrawal. Some data in the logs was missing after that.

Stefan Nikolić was the bank’s Chief Technology Officer, ensuring the bank system was running smoothly and securely. At the age of 19, he sought refuge in Germany, fleeing Belgrade as it came under heavy bombardment by NATO forces. The top student of RWTH Aachen University, he was immediately invited to work at Deutsche Bank, where he quickly mastered managerial skills on top of his programming talent and advanced rapidly in his career. Years later a private bank in Düsseldorf headhunted him , and for the past 10 years, Serbian coding guru has been leading teams there. Never married, the bald-headed guy was often seen with his colleagues after work in Düsseldorf’s Altstadt, enjoying a beer. He was a corporate darling at the bank.

It was past midnight. Torsten’ s stomach was already growling, he had not eaten anything since lunch, except for the apple that made him even hungrier. He reached out for his coat and went towards the door.

Across the ocean in Washington, Elizabeth was about to finish another working day in the archives. She was scrolling through the pictures to look at him once again. Not being able to talk to him was becoming unbearable. A sense of worry about Torsten crept in—an uneasy feeling she couldn’t shake off.