Cycle

**Sensitive Content: Bullying***

Laughter filled the halls as Ty and his crew walked away, after spilling their drinks on Theo “by accident.”

They even brought him some paper towels.

“It’s the thought that counts!” Ty and his friends’ laughter bounded down the hallway like a giddy child.

It was not the humiliation that made Theo so angry.

He was used to being embarrassed.

It was the betrayal.

Not that Ty was a friend of his. In fact, Ty was more like a frenemy than anything. Someone you want close just to keep an eye on.

Theo was angry because he had betrayed himself. All Theo could hear right not were his rambling thoughts:

Nice going.

How smart.

Great work.

Idiot.

Should have known better.

Saw that coming.

Moron.

Fool.

And, now, here he was, standing in the middle of the hallway at school, looking at everyone laughing, filming his humiliation.

How many views was this going to get?

Ridiculous.

So gullible.

But he could not think of what to do.

That had always been his strong suit.

Thinking.

Now here he was being betrayed in the moment by the one part of his body that had never failed him.

He had been betrayed before by his upper body when he could not do the pull ups in PE.

He had been betrayed before by his legs when he could not outrun the bullies who chased him.

He had been betrayed before by his hands when they dropped his keys, resulting in being tossed into a trash can.

But he had never been betrayed by his brain before, and in this moment, he could not think of what to do.

So he stood there.

In the middle of the commons.

As teachers and administrators finally arrived.

He was ushering into the office as they attempted to restore order.

In the principal’s office, Mr. Arbeit, the principal, probed Theo for information, “How did this happen, Theo?”

Theo said nothing. He was not about to let his brain fill his mouth with words right now.

To give his brain another chance to betray him?

No.

Now all he could think was whether or not anyone else knew that he was in the office.

People would surely know.

If they knew more information was revealed, then they would know that he had said something. They would then punish him for it.

And then this whole cycle would repeat.

Like a load of dirty laundry. Wash, rinse, dry. Wash, rinse, dry.

“Theo?”

Mr. Arbeit was speaking up again. Theo looked at the principal and shook his head.

“Theo. If you don’t tell us, then we can’t do much.” Still. Theo had no intention of saying anything. He did not trust his mind right now. So he did not want another opportunity to betray himself.

“Theo? Are you sure there’s nothing that you want to say?”

Yes. So he nodded.

Mr. Arbeit leaned back in his chair and sighed, expressing his obvious disappointment. “Well, I guess there’s not much else we can do. We will have to see what the cameras show and go from there. I’m sorry I can’t help you more.”

Theo stood, placed his hand on the door and said, “It’s the thought that counts.”

Then he shut the door and left, his clothing soaked to the bone.

On his way back to class, he passed by the boys bathrooms.

A group of hands pulled him inside.

He was pressed against the back side of a toilet stall, with Ty standing before him. Two of his friends were standing behind him.

“Hey, buddy.” Ty whispered with venom on his tongue.

Theo made eye contact and stayed there.

Ty smiled. “I’m sorry about the… accident. You knew that was an accident, right?”

Maintain eye contact.

Say nothing.

Ty picked up Theo’s shirt, soiled with soda pop. “Dang, buddy. You don’t have a clean shirt? That sucks.”

Thanks to you.

Ty’s friends laughed behind him.

“You talk to Mr. Arbeit about the, uh… accident?”

No, but not why you think.

Theo shook his head from side to side.

“You sure?”

And make this worse?

Theo nodded.

“Good. ‘Cause, I’d hate for Mr. Arbeit to get the wrong idea. You know? We’ve got a football game coming up soon. And, you know, we need to play.”

His friends whispered to each other.

The funny thing about this moment is that Theo was not even scared.

He was not afraid of bullies.

He never ran for fear.

He ran for pure avoidance and survival.

He knew they existed.

He knew that because he was himself.

That made him a target.

It was just a part of life.

He had long been a victim of these situations. He had long been the recipient of these types of scenarios.

He had always been bullied.

You’re just like all the rest.

“Listen, I got to get to class, so… we’ll talk more later. Ok?”

Theo said nothing.

He did not avert his eyes.

Ty straightened Theo’s shirt. “Sorry again.” He chuckled to himself, clearly proud of what he had done.

But Theo’s mind had an idea of its own.

Just as Ty turned to walk away, before Theo could do anything about it, his mind sent a signal to his mouth, which was received loud and clear.

Just as the signal transferred, and he felt his muscles contract, he tried to avert this situation.

Don’t say it.

Stop.

Keep it to yourself.

Please don’t say anything.

It’s not worth it.

Just shut up!

But there was no stopping it.

Like a runaway train stopped by a stranded car, his words ran through this barricade without so much as a reduction in momentum.

And, perhaps, somewhere in the darkest recesses of his mind he could see this as a watershed moment. The moment where knew knowledge was revealed.

Maybe, in the future, he could stop running.

Maybe, some day soon, he would be able to stand strong.

Maybe…

His lips moved and the sound escaped.

Ty stopped and his smile suddenly faded away.

He was not supposed to say anything.

He was supposed to be afraid.

But what was the point of being afraid if the result was still the same.

And as the words escaped his lips, he could hear the words echo through his mind as Ty fist was thrust toward Theo’s nose.

“It’s the thought that counts.”