Faux 'PAH'

The Holidays always brought Alice the most dread. Especially since it was always a huge gathering of the extended family along with her parents and siblings.

Her family was loud, opinionated, at times obnoxious and inconsiderate.

Fact of the matter: She didn't fit.

She never had.

Family gatherings were a lot for her, so many people catching up, talking over each other. The jokes she didn't get because she missed a crucial bit of information. Then being brushed off when she asked for clarification.

To sum it up: the Holidays sucked.

She wished she could have just stayed in the dorms with her other friends who weren't leaving for the holidays. Many of them felt similarly to her, outcasts and the odd person out,

Not Alice. Her family would never let her NOT come to a family gathering.

"We're family!" Her mother would always say "Being together and bonding is what you are SUPPOSED to do"

Ever trying to please, Alice would smile and nod and do as her mother had insisted.

Of course, Alice was hoping this was all in the past. Starting college had done wonders for her, as she had finally started to find friends, and a world where she actually did fit. People and professors who were helping her to understand herself and help give her a voice for the first time in her life.

Not that her family would understand. They never did. And probably never would.

"HEY! Alice!!" Her brother was yelling at her, and shaking her slightly. "Come on! Stop pretending you can't understand me."

Alice turned and looked at him intently.

"Sorry," she muttered. Reaching up and applying pressure to her ears "I guess I zoned out"

He rolled his eyes.

"You always say that"

She gave a tight smile and shrugged. "What were you saying?"

"Just catching you up on some of the family tea. I know you struggle to keep up with everything when we are at huge events."

"Ah, I'm sorry. Go ahead"

"Never mind. I don't want to go over it again."

Alice didn't argue.

"Here we go again" She thought. Some of her new friends if they had been here would have gotten irritated and probably argued with him. She wasn't quite at that point yet, although she was frustrating to feel like she was retreating back into her shell. Like a turtle trying to stay safe from predators.

She needed a break, and knew where she needed to go

Weaving through the crowd, giving the occasional wave or hug, catching only pieces of the conversation, she was looking for only one person. Grandpa.

Grandpa was the only family member who she felt loved her no matter what. The only family member who had supported her decision to attend college in Washington D.C., and had helped talk to, and ultimately convince, her parents that this was a good thing. And he was the first person she told when she got her acceptance letter.

Grandpa had always seen her, always believed in her, just loved her for who she was. No strings attached. He always tried to be patient with her, and was her safe place at this things.

She saw him in the kitchen, talking with one of her Uncles, her back towards her. She walked into the room and rapped her knuckles on the counter to get his attention. He turned, a bit shocked by the out of the blue sound, but then smiled understandingly and gave her a hug. Her uncle just rolled his eyes.

"Alice, you could have just let us know you were here. What were you thinking?"

Squinting she paused for a second to process what she had just been told.

"I'm sorry? I don't quite understand."

Her uncle huffed : "You never do kid."

She felt grandpa's hand tighten on hers and she turned to look at him. He was visibly frustrated.

Once again, the eye roll.

"Seriously Jim? You're going to defend that behavior? That's not how you get someone's attention. Along with the fact she interrupted our conversation."

"And? She was just trying to let me know she was here."

"She could have waited until we stopped talking then gotten your attention. Her mother had said she had picked up some weird habits living in D.C., but I wasn't sure what to think until just now"

"Jack, Alice is standing right here. And cut her some slack ok? She's figuring out her place in this world just as much as any of us did."

"Sorry Uncle Jack," she whispered, gesturing to show she meant it.

"For Heaven's sake stop talking with your hands!" Uncle Jack snapped. "Just because you are learning "sign language", which even monkeys can learn by the way, doesn't mean you need to wave your hands around all the time!"

That's when Aunt Cynthia walked into the kitchen, saying something that Alice didn't quite catch. Then she turned to look at Alice, and realization crossed her face.

"Oh, HI ALICE!! HOW IS COLLEGE?"

"It's good Aunt Cynthia, thank you for asking."

"OH GOOD! I'M GLAD"

"Cynthia, you don't need to yell" Grandpa said slowly.

"WHAT? Oh, Yeah. Sorry Alice."

Alice shrugged and tried to change the subject:

"You've gotten fat Aunt Cynthia"

Cynthia blanched.

"WHAT THE HELL?" Jack roared. "SERIOUSLY! What is your problem?"

A crowd was gathering now, among them, Alice's parents.

Jack continued: "Honestly Alice, you have lost all of your manners by going to that joke of a college. Just because you mingle with retards all day doesn't mean you need to act like one."

"JACK!" Grandma snapped. "They aren't retards. They have disabilities. And I think it's cool that Alice is wanting to learn sign language, in a way she is reaching down and helping them to assimilate into the normal world instead of isolating themselves...."

Alice didn't catch the last of what Grandma said because she looked away. Her cheeks had flushed red, eyes filling with tears. She looked at Grandpa

"I....I'm sorry..." she stammered and the tears started to roll down her cheeks. "I didn't mean to say it that way, it's just how the deaf community talks to each other. I didn't realize that it would upset her."

Grandpa pulled her into a hug for a long time. Alice could feel everyone's eyes boring into her back, but she tried to forget about it. Why couldn't she figure this out? She didn't know it would upset Aunt Cynthia, she was just trying to stop being the mousy girl who never had anything to say.

Slowly Grandpa released her and slowly pushed her so she was standing back from him a bit.

"READ-LIPS PLEASE. ME SIGN BAD" He signed to her.

Alice stood there in shock, Grandpa was learning sign language too?

Grandpa put his hands down and this was what Alice SAW him say:

"Everyone. I want you all to listen to me. What happened today, was definitely a faux pas for people like us - Don't interrupt Jack, let me finish - People like us, who have been taught these little unwritten and often unspoken rules that society has created. A society that allows this knowledge to get passed on if by some chance you "fit". And if you don't, then panic sets in and these unspoken rules get instantly forgotten because we are so focused on forcing someone into a role that doesn't work for them. So focused on trying to assimilate and fix them.

Alice is this person for our family. We all have spent the last 19 years trying to force her into our world, expecting her to stay caught up on all the rules without actually telling her what they are. I think it's time we stopped ignoring the elephant in the room.

Alice. Is. DEAF. And by trying to force her to be hearing we have lost the opportunity to help her learn these rules, so that way she can learn to bridge the gap between the two worlds she has to inhabit. The Hearing world and the Deaf World. If we had taken the time to teach her these rules, today she would have avoided this faux pas.

Lets cut her some slack, take the time to get her up to date, and for heavens sake, lets stop leaving her out of everything. She may be here, but by being unable to HEAR she cannot fully participate. This needs to end today, and as the patriarch of this family I insist that it actually happens for her sake. Or we will lose her.

Also, Cynthia, we all know you have gained weight. You complain about it all the time."

Everyone was silent for a second, then started talking all at once. Alice reached up to her ear and turned off her hearing aid. Ah, silence. Grandpa looked at her, winked, then signed

"ME TAKE SIGN CLASS. I LOVE YOU."

Happy tears filled Alice's eyes as she was able to instantly and clearly understand him. Truly understand for the first time. And she felt seen. For the first time.

Closing her eyes she turned her head up towards the ceiling and signed

"PAH!"

******

Author's note:

When I saw the prompt, my thoughts instantly jumped to someone from the deaf community trying to mingle with hearing family members. There are often many Faux Pas that take place because of cultural differences between the two groups.

You may notice the title of this short story is spelled "incorrectly" according to the english language. But a rough translation of the sign "PAH" -which is sighed with both index fingers starting facing inwards towards the chin then moving outwards and turning away from the face- can mean "FINALLY" in certain contexts. Which is what I was hoping to convey with my story.

Also, I chose the name Alice to reference a young woman named Alice Cogswell, who as a young woman inspired a man named Thomas Gallaudet to find a way to help her be able to learn and communicate. Alice was deaf. Thomas Gallaudet brought signed language to the deaf in America by founding a school with a deaf frenchman in 1817 in Rochester New York.

While I am not deaf, but a hearing woman who has learned sign language, I wanted to draw attention to the isolation that deaf individuals face when spending time with hearing, non-signing, family. Often there are huge miscommunications because of cultural differences and the faulty understanding that comes from lip reading.

So this holiday season, let us remember all of those deaf or not, who fit into this category, and do our best to be understanding when they commit their faux pas while trying to be included.