Always Improve, Become the Best

CW: Allusions to emotional abuse, minor mentions of parental cheating.

My life motto is, Always improve, become the best. No one really understands my motivation, and to be honest I don’t really understand it either. I guess it came from my aunt Charity, and a boy named Grayson Dawn.

My parents died in a canoeing accident when I was little, maybe four or five, and I moved in with my aunt Charity when no one else was willing to take me in. She’s so charitable, isn’t she? Get it? 

Anyway, as soon as I moved in with her she made it very clear what her expectations for me were. Bedroom always clean. Straight A’s. MVP on the sports teams. Prettiest girl at school. On and on the list went. Some of them I couldn’t always fulfill. I can’t help if everyone thinks Kendra Day is prettier than me, now can I? 

But I did everything I could to be the best at everything. I was in all the clubs, president of the student council, and was Student of the Month and Athlete of them month five times respectively in high school. That’s twice in my junior year, which shouldn’t even be allowed.

Still Charity wasn’t satisfied. She enrolled me in dance classes, voice lessons, martial arts, and pottery classes in seventh grade. I had no time to myself, ever. I was always rushing to do my next project, my next class, my homework, my chores. But I lived for the tiniest upward tilt of her lips. They filled me with so much pride. 

There came a point when I thought I was the best, at everything. I was so confident I asked Grayson Dawn out to the prom. He was a gorgeous boy with dark curls and gray-blue eyes that looked like a storm far off at sea. They gave me the butterflies every time I saw them. 

I walked up to Grayson Dawn in the hallway before fifth period three weeks prior to the day of prom. I had already been asked out by at least sixteen people within the past three days, but I only wanted to go with Grayson. He was my soulmate, I was sure of it. 

My mouth didn’t hesitate to form the words. I was the best. The smartest, the most athletic. Maybe the second-prettiest, but Kendra was already taken. He couldn’t reject me. 

Grayson’s eyes widened as I asked him out, which satisfied me beyond measure, but then he frowned. “Bella… I’m… Honored. Really. I know you’re popular, I know you’re supposed to be the best at everything… But…” He hesitated briefly.

“But what?” I snapped, a little too sharply. What fault could he find with me?

“I don’t want to offend you.”

“Tell me.”

He hesitated again before sighing, screwing up that beautiful face, and saying, “Fine, Bella, I just don’t think we’d work. I need someone who is empathetic and kind. You’re… not really.”

“What?” I said angrily. 

Surely he was lying about his reasons. I’m generous. I had a whole fundraiser last month in order to donate to homeless shelters. Sure, that was mostly to get me elected as president of the student council for another year, but it was still good! And I’m empathetic. Who did Drew Wilson come to when he needed to talk? Me! Sure, I told everyone about how his mom cheated on his dad, but they would have found out soon enough anyway. At least it’s out in the open now! He’ll thank me eventually, even though people tease him now.

There was no way Grayson Dawn had just said that to my face. But still he stood, his face looking slightly pinched as if he had just eaten something too spicy.

He didn’t deserve to look like that, as if he felt guilty, when he had just put my heart through the shredder.

He also didn’t deserve to see me upset. Clearly he was just a horrible person who wants to see me brought down. So I didn’t let him see how it affected me. “Whatever. Just thought I’d try and be nice. I felt sorry for you, you know. You never have a date for anything.” I thought that was because we were soulmates, though. Because destiny wanted us together. But I didn't tell him that.

The rude words didn’t seem to have any affect, though, and I inwardly raged about it. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even flinch.

I walked off, then, leaving him looking sad and guilty. As if, I said to myself. 

I moved on. I’ve since dated many people, but none of them were as wonderful as I once thought Grayson Dawn was. Before he turned out to be someone I never thought he’d be. 

Now, twenty-five years later, I have three hugely successful business empires. I am the richest person in the world. I have won Olympic gold medals, Miss Universe, and the Nobel Prize. I own ten private jets and four yachts. I have traveled all over the world. I have won my aunt Charity’s affection through and through. She lives with me in luxury, taking advantage of all my money and property. 

I had to stamp some people down to do it, crush some small businesses, break some hearts, ruin the environment. But like they say, the ends justify the means, don’t they?

Still, I am not satisfied. To this day I wonder what it was about me that Grayson Dawn, a boy I met in high school, didn’t like about me, what it was that wasn’t the best. What was wrong with me. 

And that is why my life motto is, Always improve, become the best. Because no matter how hard I try, I know that there is still something missing, something that Grayson Dawn knows that I don’t. I have ways of monitoring him, with all my many resources, and he leads protests against me. He talks horribly about me online. He has talked on the news about how he doesn’t approve of my methods.

I don’t understand him. It’s like his life goal is to ruin me. He has a whole family now, a whole life. Why is he so intent on bringing me down?

So I just continue to keep improving. Surely someday my soulmate will see what he’s never seen before. And then, when he does, I will crush his heart as he shredded mine. He doesn’t deserve a millimeter of mercy for the horrible things he’s done to me.