Dream Job From Hell

Having worked in several law firms, I was so looking forward to the new position that I was offered. The top law firm in state, offering superb salary and benefits. Was it all a dream? I was eager to find out. The interview progressed smoothly with a good-looking senior partner, whose description of my duties were exactly what I was seeking. More responsibilities as a real estate paralegal would enable me to handle real estate closings from day one right through to attending closings and making the transfer of property. 

Day One - Dressed professionally in a black suit with white cotton blouse, I appeared a half hour before starting time to get acclimated to the office before tackling the workload that I expected to be given. However, the Supervisor, who was to accompany me for the day, had not arrived. Someone, who didn’t identify himself, suggested that I take a seat in the reception room. The gold and silver striped wallpaper gave it a classy appearance. A couple of VanGogh paintings, comfortable padded chairs and sofa in a green and gold print against an accent silver wall added to the ambiance. 

The Supervisor, a young woman, perhaps half my age, appeared in jeans and an oversized sweater. Sticking out her elbow for an elbow greeting, she introduced herself as Amy and led the way to what would now be my office. She suggested that I take inventory and notify her of anything that I would need additionally. She would return in a few minutes to review the systems the firm had in place, sign me up for benefits and take me on a tour of the entire office and making introductions. So far, it all was going smoothly.

My office had one side that was entirely floor-to-ceiling window, which faced the Northeast direction. Vertical blinds would block out the morning sun. The mahogany desk looked like new. A mat with white paper for notes or doodling protected the writing surface. A box containing my business cards was set above the mat awaiting use with my first client. I felt like I was welcomed and belonged to this highly respected law firm. Let my day begin.

Upon further checking of desk drawers, I found that I had a stapler, staple-remover, note pads, telephone message book in duplicate, scissors, paperclips, and plenty of hanging file folders. A wire-rimmed waste basket was appropriately placed under the desk. 

The only thing that I could immediately think I’d want was a desk lamp with soft lighting, so I could turn off the fluorescent lighting when I chose to do so. Sometimes I find that it is simply too bright. I’d bring my lamp from home, which I noted in my cell phone.

When Amy reappeared, she suggested that we venture to the break room for coffee and to fill out the necessary new employee paperwork. Coffee was definitely a must, as I hadn’t taken the time to pick one up on the way in. 

Getting used to new co-workers is never comfortable. For I learned years ago that how they appear at first meeting is usually not their working personality. In all fairness, my first presentation is not how I function either. It’s a matter of being uncomfortable and attempting to adjust to newness on both parts. 

Amy gave the impression that she truly cared about my comfort level and that she was genuinely pleased to have me join their team. Her presentation of the paperwork gave the impression that she ran the firm. “If you have any questions or problems, I’m the one that you need to come to see. The attorneys are busy with clients, and they leave the employee matters for my handling.”

The usual government required papers were signed, as were the benefit forms. Instead of providing me with my own expense account, like I was used to, Amy informed me that I was to bring her and statements to pay and I would be reimbursed for out-of-pocket expenses upon presenting a receipt and/or invoice for any kinds of purchases made that were on the approved expenses sheet, which she provided me with. 

Being that no mention had been made as to my client list, I inquired, “When will I be assigned clients?”

Appearing a bit miffed, Amy stated, “Well, you will work with partner, Mr. Wiseman, for the first month. At the end of your first week, he will determine how to proceed from there.”

Not quite the answer that I was expecting, and feeling a bit insulted, I swallowed my pride and simply nodded. What other surprises would be in store, I wondered. My first disappointment of the day.

With that, I returned to my office to study the firm’s handbook that Amy provided and to check what contacts the firm used for various business needs.

Awhile later I jumped as I heard a loud, screeching voice demanded immediate attention. “I want those survey and title reports on my desk within the hour. Do you hear me? I told you to have them ready at 9 AM!” I looked out the window on my office door to see that it was the managing partner, who was obviously annoyed with someone. Not used to such inappropriate office decorum, this was the second disappointment, and hopefully, the last one.

While I had been introduced to staff, there was no way that I could remember everybody’s name upon first introduction. Therefore, I didn’t know who it was scurrying by, obviously the one being chewed-out. Tension filled the atmosphere from then on.

A middle-aged looking gentleman knocked on my door. Upon my wave in, he entered, introducing himself as being Ben Benone, a partner. “I know that we met briefly earlier, but I want to say what a pleasure it is to welcome you. Your resume and references are superb. Indeed, you are a fine addition to our team.”

What a relief to hear this. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate your kind words.”

With a shake of the head, he continued, “Please, call me Ben. I saw the look of horror on your face when John Wiseman chewed out Walt. He has a short fuse that we all just ignore. If we let it get to us, we’d never accomplish anything.”

“Well, Ben, it was quite unnerving. I’ve never worked in any business where there was such disrespect for the employee and screeching. It is a huge disappointment to me and one that I’m not confident will be conducive to my best efforts. I feel that I may be doomed before I even start.”

Being so honest to a co-worker, who was yet a total stranger, was not like me. But, then, neither was the situation like in my lifetime. Even my parents didn’t shout or scream like that. 

Ben said that he understood and he hoped that I could drown-out John’s tantrums. “Please come and speak with me, when you are disturbed by them. Believe me when I say that you won’t be the first one, nor will you be the last. I’ve worked with John for 20 years. He has never changed. I had to be the one to make adjustments. Ear plugs are a huge help!” He chuckled as he shared this bit of advice.

“Thank you, Ben. I sincerely appreciate your recognizing my discomfort and advice. I promise to do my best to not be so sensitive. I will purchase a set of high-quality ear plugs, if there is such a thing.” With a nod, he returned to his office across the hall. 

Day Two - After visiting several stores, I was able to locate what the store clerk said were, “The best ear plugs made. They are guaranteed to block out all sounds.” That sounded perfect. With the set in my briefcase, I arrived for my second day on the job. The door to Ben’s office was opened, so I peeked in my head showing him my new purchase. He gave a thumbs up, as I proceeded to my office.

Sure enough, after lunch, John was on another tirade directed at one of the female paralegals this time. At the first rise in tone, in went my hearing aids, and I continued reading my first client’s proposed Purchase Contract, which had been emailed for my review. The hearing aids blocked out the unpleasant sounds. 

Still not sure that I would be able to persevere under such conditions, and that this remained in my mind to be a dream job from hell, I was giving it my all.

A month later - Whether it was my being in my paralegal trial period or not, as of yet, I had not been the one for whom a tirade had been directed. There was little doubt that my day would arrive. With each week, my endurance was building, as was my confidence. I could only hope and pray that when my turn came, I would be able to have a respectful response that would stop John in his track, making him offer an apology. What was that saying, “You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.” Well, I was about to prove it to be true, and maintain my career.