The World We Live in

Life itself is already hard, but human beings make it harder. Their greed and everything about things in their lives causes consequences, and one of them is infinite pain.

The world is cruel and unpredictably terrible. Just when you think everything is perfect or at least decent about who you are, or what you are going to do in your life, a storm comes, and you are done. However, the bottom line is you can’t blame anyone because life itself is complicating and perplexing to even be accurate about it for once.

The elements of being a human itself sometimes are unbearable beyond belief. For over twenty years into a journey of being a person is so hard. Well, I can’t say it’s always been hard, but now it’s hard.

As an adult working and being in a college at the same time, it can’t be too easy. You can’t even say it’s bearable, sometimes.

You turn left, you see works, and when you turn right, you see burdens from all over the place. Whether it’s from family or the best enemy of your life, you have to bear it. Or, you don’t have a family to be with at all. That’s also the big problem since you have no one to turn to when you need one.

Like right now when my boss tells me that I should work harder, or else I won’t have a job to support my school and my everyday life. “Your work needs to be done better than this. If you continue your tactics, I am sure I have to lay you off…” He tries to look and sounds sad, but I should have known him better. Since I started working here, he’s never genuinely nice to me. I know it because sometimes when he is to me, it means he wants something from me. It’s either I need to work late or I could try to finish the job early than I am supposed to.

It’s not that I don’t understand about this world, though. Of course, what should I expect him to be like when he’s my boss, and he needs a ton of employee productivity to earn more. I am not stupid, but I just don’t understand why I am here.

I don’t even love my job. Heck, I am not even sure I like the major that I am studying every day. Sometimes, I just need to ask for the meaning of life, the life that I have ever imagined since I was a young girl.

To think it back, I have none of it with me now. I forget what I used to feel to have my dreams ahead of me. To have an aim that I love to achieve one day if I could in the future. But, now I do not have any of those because, well, my life is shattering, and I have been shackled with it since forever.  

“Right, I will do my best,” I reply, giving him my word that I don’t even if I could keep it or not. My boss gives me a small smile before leaving.

After he walks away, my tears fall. He doesn’t even know that this company used to be my parents’. He knows nothing about me because this place wasn’t mine anymore since I was fifteen years old before his dad took over and gave it to him.

Funny how my life turns to be.

I don’t want to sound pathetic, so I use the word funny instead even though I know my life is anything but funny. The word fun or funny left me since the day my parents passed and left me with nothing but ‘I am sorry’ phrase. I didn’t even know why they did say it at that time. I just remember running into the hospital seeing them on the bed and tragic wounds all over their bodies. And, instead of saying they love me, they apologized.

I hate them if you asked how I feel about them.

I hate them for leaving me alone in this cruel and unfair world. I hate why they did that to me, but one day when an attorney came to me when I was eighteen years old before I went to college, he said my parents lost their company to someone else since they were alive, which only meant they were sorry because they left me nothing but myself to bear this world alone.

He also said the money that keeping me alive since their deaths is from my grandmother, who was dead a year after.

Look how tragic it becomes.

Look how many tragedies I have to take before I could finish these stupid things all at once. I want to drop out, but I can’t. My parents would be disappointed. They always wanted me to be successful, elegant, and confident about myself when I grow up. I love it. However, the problem is there is no one to see me being that person anymore.

You see, that’s why I don’t think I have dreams with me now.

Sometimes, the things you think that would make you happy are useless and unimportant if there is no one to cheer you up, and to be happy with you.

It’s like a person that is greedy and can’t think of anything else besides themselves. Anyway, I do not have much to say because that’s the nature of human beings.  

I take out my purse and about to leave my office when I see someone looking at me with sympathy in their eyes.

My friends.

Well, they are not anymore.

They were mine before, but not anymore because they do not want to be involved with a loser like me, and I gave them up.

There’s no point to be with someone that wants to be with you because of something you have, right?

See, I am full of philosophy. But, mine is different from others because I really do not have a positive one towards life.

I believe human beings are cruel and unfair.

I hate them even if I am one.

Sometimes, I wish I could go away like my parents. That I could escape from this world and all of this suffering stuff.

But, I know I can’t. I need to at least do one thing to make my parents proud of me with or without them beside me.

I don’t have much in me to find meaning in this barbarous world, but I do live by my words that I did give to my parents. And, now I don’t care whether I need to be homeless to reach that goal, I will do my best.

Suddenly, my phone rings with an unknown phone number. I pick it up, thinking that it’s my landlord calling to ask for the rent. “Hello…” My voice is steady and calm than I have expected it to be.

“Hi, I just call to inform you that your book is accepted now. We are willing to publish it as soon as you come and negotiate more about it.”

My world crashes.

Not in a bad way, of course.

Finally, the book that I have written since my parents passed is worth it. I know one book is not going to guarantee a lifetime success, but at least it’s the one thing that has meaning in it for me.

I smile and agree to meet them next week before hanging up.

Life itself is already hard, but human beings make it harder. Their greed and everything about things in their lives causes consequences, and one of them is infinite pain.

Life itself is already hard, but sometimes human beings just need to try harder. Their greed and everything about things in their lives causes consequences, and one of them is infinite pain. However, it’s never too late to change themselves for the best.