Leah’s Fate

Snowflakes danced down to earth, diamonds glittering against steely velvet. 

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. The boy settled further into the window nook in his bedroom. He absentmindedly stroked the soft head of a stuffed bear that slouched on his windowsill. Watching the first snowfall of the season, the boy felt a bitter ache from somewhere deep inside him. 

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas, alright… and that reality broke his heart. Christmas was a time for family. Christmas was the time when he would race into his sister’s room and tug the covers off of her content sleeping form, while she squealed in annoyance. 

Christmas time was supposed to be a happy joyous time. 

And she’s supposed to be here. The boy stopped stroking the bear and stood up. He brushed an arm across his damp eyes. It’s not supposed to be like this.

Somewhere off in the distance, an ambulance wailed. The sound of medics racing to save a life or be there at the last moments of one. The boy sniffed once more, before moving to sit on his bed, away from the window. Away from the sight of snowfall, and the neighbor's stupid lights and festive yard decorations… away from anything Christmas-related.  

He knew good and well that there would be no Christmas in his house this year. In years past, his mother had always gone out to the store with him and his sister in tow. Together, they’d picked out presents for family and friends. Upon coming home, his dad would always be waiting with a Christmas tree set up in the living room. He and his sister would spend the rest of the night decorating the pine-scented branches with ornaments, lights, and tinsel. 

Not this year though.

This year there would be no tree, no presents, and no lights. 

This year there would be no joy. 

The boy stiffened as he heard a crash from downstairs. The sound yanked him from his reminiscing. Wearily, he stood from his bed and crept from the room. He peered over the stair railing, gazing downstairs at his living room. His dad, a hefty man with thinning brown hair, was leaning against the wall. The floor around him was a glittering mess of glass. The table by the staircase was wobbling. The blue vase that had once sat upon it was nowhere to be found. 

“Dad?” he whispered, making his way down the stairs. His father swayed slightly.

“Kyler?,” he rasped. His words were slurred and unsteady. 

Kyler felt his eyes water as his dad looked at him through a bleary gaze. 

“What are you doing up? Shouldn’t you be sleepin’?”

“It’s only six, dad…” Kyler swallowed. The ache inside him grew worse than before. “Are you okay?”

Kyler didn’t know why he asked that. Of course, his father wasn’t okay. He hadn’t been okay since the accident. None of us have been okay. He looked back toward the stairs for a moment. A part of him was tempted to run back up to his room, stick his head under his pillow, and sleep. Sleep was the only time when he could find some bit of peace. But he couldn’t leave his dad in such a state.

“Here… why don’t you sit down?” Kyler jerked his head towards their couch. 

His dad nodded slowly and stumbled toward the sofa. 

Kyler trailed after him, nervously praying that his dad wouldn’t trip and fall. 

“Oh, son.” His dad groaned, sagging into the coach. The TV was on in the kitchen, and the sounds of some football game echoed from the doorway. “It’s been a day.”

It’s been three months. Kyler sat down himself, a bitter mixture of frustration and loss tugging at him. And every day in those three months has been ‘a day’ for all of us! Not just you, not just mom. He gritted his teeth. Why don’t you understand? I’m hurting too . . . and no one cares. Mom runs from it, and you drown it in booze, and me? All I can do is watch my family fall apart and pray for a miracle to stop it. 

“I was looking through the glove box and I found an old drawing Leah gave me. She had such a way of making colors pop… didn’t she?”

“She did.” Kyler breathed. 

His dad stared up at the ceiling. “I should have told her no,” he choked. “When she wanted to go to that doggone party, I should have said no.”

Why didn’t you? Kyler wanted to snap. But he knew his dad wasn’t really looking for conversation. He was simply voicing the demons that kept him from sleeping at night, that kept him sitting late at night in the bar across town.

Kyler gritted his teeth as his emotions raged war inside him. Unwelcome images of Leah’s stupid boyfriend, with his stupid long hair, his stupid rockstar getup, and his stupid red Mustang flared in his mind. He dug his fingernails into his thighs. 

“You didn’t know it’d happen.” Kyler told his dad. Blaming didn’t do any good. It didn’t change anything. Kyler didn’t have the energy left to blame. He didn’t want to.

He wanted things to go back to the way that they had been before everything had gone so very wrong. 

“Oh, God…” 

Kyler’s heart shattered as his dad put his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he began to sob. 

“Kyler, buddy, she was my girl. My little girl. And she… it’s all my fault.”

Kyler couldn’t take it. He couldn’t watch his dad cry in the dark like a lost child. He couldn’t.

Just like he couldn’t comfort his mother in her constant grief, which was why she was never home anymore. 

He leapt to his feet and sprinted for the stairs. 

Leah. Kyler threw himself down on his bed and buried his head in his arms. Why did it have to be you? They need you. You were their everything. The wind outside wailed along with him as the weather worsened.

Oh, Leah. Kyler stopped crying, and just lay there, eyes squeezed shut. If I only could have, I’d have taken your place in a heartbeat. 

“Are you sure about that, little one?”

Kyler sat up with a jolt. By his window, shrouded in a golden glow and wearing a white satin robe, stood a man. The man had long, shiny, brown hair, and a snowy complexion. He stood like a statue, strong and unmovable. 

Kyler blinked, because, surely, he was seeing things.

“Don’t be afraid.” The man’s voice was a mix of the boom of a cymbal and a dove’s coo. 

Kyler swallowed. “Who are you?” He glanced out his doorway, wondering if, perhaps, this man was a friend of his father’s. It wasn’t likely. The man seemed unworldly.

“I am Fate.” The man told him, his eyes sparkling like ice. “I believe you are angry with me, my little friend.”

“I… I am?” Kyler stood up, dazed. “But I don’t even know you.”

“Oh, but you do. You’ve known me since before you knew of anything else… and I’ve known you forever.” The man tilted his head. “I believe you wish to make a deal with me.” 

“Uh, what?!” Kyler frowned. “What are you talking about?”

“Your sister.” Kyler stiffened. The mention of Leah caused his gut to twist painfully.  

“What about her?” he growled. 

The man stared at him appraisingly. “You wish to take her place, isn’t that right?” He asked, his voice a draw of composure. “You wish it’d been you who had perished that night.”

“How… How do you know that?” Kyler glanced around his room, hoping to see something that would make sense of what was happening. 

“Because I decided that that night would be her last. That was my decision. You say that was unfair; a horrible, unrighteous, decision. That I should have written down your name among the book of the dead that night instead.”

“Yes!” Kyler hissed, surprised when his fear left him, leaving only anger and bitterness behind. He didn’t understand the man’s words, but he knew the answer to this statement. Leah’s death had been absolutely unfair. “It was! She had a life. She was sixteen. She was gonna be a teacher! She was optimistic, and kind…and she wasn’t supposed to have her life cut short!” Kyler sniffed, angry tears welling in his eyes. “It should have been me! She was so much better than me.”

Fate turned to Kyler’s window. He opened it, the screen sliding up with a quiet whine and the silver frame reflecting his golden aura. He pointed a pale finger towards the night sky.

“If that is true,” he said. “Then let us fix my mistake. Let us go see your sister.”

“My sister’s dead.” Kyler glared; his words blunt. “Which you… whatever you are… obviously know.”

“Oh, we’ve established that she is deceased,” Fate stated, unmoved.

Kyler jumped as, the snowflakes outside began to twirl in a sideways circle, creating a loop in the sky. 

“You claim that decision was a terrible move on my part, so…” Fate nodded to the loop, which, he could see now, was a portal in the sky. “Let us change that. A soul was owed to me that night on that road. However, if you’d rather it be your soul instead of her’s… it makes no difference to me.”

“How…” Kyler stepped over to the window, so that the golden glow of Fate washed over him from head to toe. It was warm, that light, like standing next to a fire. “How did you do that?” 

“A twelve-year-old boy could not begin to understand the forces which allow me to do what I can do,” Fate sniffed. “No human can, and that is why they resent me as they do.” 

Kyler watched in awe as Fate exited the window and stepped outside into the air, like it was something solid for his feet to settle on.

“Come, little one.” Fate beckoned him to follow. 

Kyler, his heart thundering, stepped out of the window. He expected gravity to snatch him from the air. Cold air licked at his face, and his bare toes curled as the wind tickled them. 

But he didn’t fall to the ground.

He and Fate stood above his yard, the snow whirling around them. 

“Good.” Fate rested a hand on his shoulder. “Now, Kyler. We will go to the night that you claim I made a mistake, and we will see what went wrong then.”

Fate led him over to the swirling snow, and they stepped into the light together. 

Kyler heard the crash just as the portal’s light faded away. He blinked black dots from his vision and gazed around him. It was night. He was standing on a desolate road surrounded by woodlands. Off the far right side of the road, smoking and crushed, a Mustang was wedged between broken bushes and a downed tree. 

“That’s Leah’s boyfriend’s car,” Kyler whispered. He didn’t have to look beside him to know Fate was there. He could feel his warmth. 

“I know… and Leah?” Fate said, his voice gentle. “Is that not her? Standing by the car?”

Kyler turned his head, frowning at the man. 

“I just see the car.”

“Look again, little one.” Fate insisted. 

Kyler turned his attention back to the Mustang. For a moment, he saw nothing but smoke and ash rising into the air. Then, he saw her.

Leah was standing beside the car, her familiar blue eyes gazing sorrowfully down at the vehicle. 

“Leah-.” Kyler choked on his words. She is here! Fate wasn’t been lying. “Leah!”

He raced over to her. 

Leah saw him, and her eyes lit up. Her eyes… her wonderful, loving eyes, that had offered Kyler comfort more times than he could ever count. He’d missed those eyes so much…

“Kyler!” She wrapped her arms around him, her embrace warmer than Fate’s golden glow. Kyler buried his head in her chest. “What are you doing here? You’re not supposed to be here.”

“Leah, you…” Kyler bit his lip, peering past his sister and into one of the windows of the car. He shivered as he saw Leah’s broken body. “I came here, for you! You didn’t make it… and… and I’m here to take your place.”

As Kyler said it, he felt a nervous tugging in his stomach. Until now, he’d yet to think about what he was going to do when he got here, to fulfill his deal with Fate.

I’m going to die, Kyler realized. A mixture of determination and fear washed over him. I’m going to give my life so that Leah can have her’s back. 

“Take my place?” Leah frowned. Her gaze was sharp with horror. “Kyler, what do you mean?”

Kyler glanced over his shoulder at Fate. Fate stood, watching them with unreadable eyes. 

“Mom and dad need you, Leah.” Kyler remembered his father, crying in agony. His mother, refusing to eat, drink… move. They needed Leah. They didn’t need him. “You can’t die. They need you. Without you around, everything falls apart.”

“Oh, my sweet little brother.” Leah spoke like Leah, and yet… there was something in her voice that almost resembled Fate’s. She rested a hand against Kyler’s cheek. “Don’t you know? This moment, the moment my breath left my body, I knew things were as they were meant to be. This moment was fate.”

“No! No!” Kyler shook his head. “You need to stay. Fate, him,” Kyler jabbed a finger towards the man. “He took me here! He said he’ll let me take your place.”

“Then mom and dad would be just as heartbroken. They need you, and they love you as much as they love me. But you, Kyler? You’re special. If you were to take my place, I wouldn’t be able to do for mom and dad what I know you’re going to do for them.” Leah smiled, even as a tear trickled down her cheek. “I’ll miss you, my baby brother… but this was the end of my story. I have no regrets. I lived my life to its fullest. My greatest joy now is that, even if I’m gone, you’ll still be here. You’ll live a wonderful life and do extraordinary things. That’s what I want. My life would be meaningless if I knew it had been bought at the price of yours. I decided to get in the car with Justin, knowing the risks. Not you. This,” Leah waved a hand at the wreckage. “Was never your consequence to bear. I know things are going to be hard for you, but you know what, Ky?” Leah kissed his forehead, before grinning. “You're gonna be okay, kid.”

“But… I need you, Leah.” Kyler realized, as the words left his mouth, how true they were. 

Mom and dad missed Leah… but him? Without her, he was utterly, and completely, lost. 

“And you’ll always have me.” Leah pressed a hand to his heart. “In here, and-” She tapped his forehead. “In here.”

“What if I don’t want to do any of it, without you.” Kyler rasped. Yet, Leah’s words rippled in his ears. She’d said he would do extraordinary things… that he could do for their mom and dad what she’d never be able to if their roles were reversed…Is that true? Kyler considered it. How can it be true? Leah’s always been able to do anything.

 “Then do it for me and keep doing it for me until you find something else to hold on to. Which, you will.” Leah blinked hard. “And know that I will always, always, love you, and be with you.” 

Kyler opened his mouth to speak, only to gasp in horror. Leah was fading! Her hands, her body, her legs. All fading away.

“Wait! Don’t go!” Kyler panicked, trying to grab his sister’s arm. His fingers went right through her. 

“I have to.” Leah told him, sadly. “Kyler, you take care of mom and dad for me. Never forget this moment… and never doubt that your life is meaningful, just as mine was.”

And then she was gone… almost like she’d never been there at all. Crickets chirped in the night air, and the car sizzled and popped.

“Well?” 

Kyler, his eyes blurry, glanced behind him. Fate walked over, his robes billowing out behind him. “It seems, perhaps I did not make a mistake, after all. Because this moment? It happened just as I knew it would. Your sister lived a wonderful life and made the most of the short time she had. That’s what she wanted you to know. So, little one, should you do any less with the many years you have laid out before you?”

Kyler awoke with a gasp. He jumped to his feet and spun in a circle. He was back in his room.

Fate was nowhere to be found. 

Outside, the snowflakes continued to fall, and the wind still howled. The window was wide open, his carpet was soaked from the snow pouring in.

Was it a dream? He moved to stand before the open window. He stuck his head out and peered around. There was nothing but snow and wind. 

Kyler pulled his head back in, and slowly shut the window. For a moment, he simply stood there. Then, he smiled.

Dream or not, he felt like he’d gotten the chance to say goodbye to the person dearest to him. He felt, for the first time, like maybe there was a reason he was still here, even when she wasn’t.

He turned and made his way down the stairs. His dad was sleeping on the couch, tear tracks lining his cheeks. Kyler sat down next to him and rested a hand on his father’s bulky shoulder. 

“Dad?” He breathed, and his father stirred. 

“Son?”

“You know what?” Kyler gave a steady nod. “We’re gonna be okay.”