Dabbling in Delphinium

May’s fingers nervously drummed on the table hyperactive from the anxiety that tore at her viciously like a lion devouring a gazelle. Desperate to grasp some sense of tranquility during her trepidation, she focused on the small vase of flowers in the middle of the table. Her thoughts drowned her in self-doubt making it hard to breathe. She managed to even out her breathing when her grandma entered the room sitting down in a rocking chair that looked almost as ancient as she did. 

They sat in silence for a beat, before her grandma picked up a rose from the vase. Dangling it from her fingers turning to look at May. “Ah, yes. The red rose. Do you know what it symbolizes?” May nodded her head. “It me-means love.” May replied shakily. “Indeed, it does mean love and it is beautiful, but its beauty comes with a price. Its thorns will prick you and make you bleed but people still grow it, because its beauty outlasts the pain, and also because they have gardening gloves.” May allowed herself to truly smile at this. It eased her tension about asking her crush out to the prom, the crush that had consumed all her waking thoughts, the person that meant the world to her without even knowing it. The only problem; May didn’t know if she was worthy enough to be with him. 

May’s grandma’s gaze never strayed from the vase as she continued. She put the rose back, splashing water on the table slightly in the process, and took out a daisy-like flower that had no center. “This is a chrysanthemum. It  directly translates to gold flower. When you look at it from the outside it looks fairly plain, and one might say a little boring, but on closer inspection you will find that it isn’t one giant flower head, but multiple tiny flowers that make up one whole. While they may seem trivial it is the little things that make a big impact.” May tilted her head slightly motioning for her grandmother to continue through all the flowers in the vase. Her grandmother’s voice, the calm center within the hurricane of emotions enveloping her. A lily was selected this time.

“The lily is long-lasting both as a cut flower and as a perennial. It comes back year after year bringing us beauty,” Her grandma paused for a moment before letting out a substantial sneeze “and allergies.” May laughed at that as her grandma admired the flower . “It is so delicate and breakable yet so graceful. Its petals remind one of Polaris. It is so pure and so riveting that one can get lost in its pattern without much effort.” She cut off the bottom of the stem before plopping the lily back in the vase, careful to not break any petals. The next flower grabbed was a Hydrangea. Her grandma didn’t hesitate to explain the uniqueness of the flower. “The Hydrangea is needy. It constantly needs water, not only for its roots, but also for its petals; however it acknowledges its greediness and in return it rewards you with beautiful flowers that range from pink to blue. As most things in life, if you tend to it well, it repays you.” May nodded understanding what she must do, but stayed in her limbo of self doubt until her grandma picked up the final flower.

It was a dazzling blue that was reminiscent of the color of the blue morpho butterflies. It was tall and lanky and had bell-shaped flowers growing all around the stem making it seem very tower-like. “This,” May’s grandma gestured to the blue masterpiece in her hand, “is delphinium. Its name was derived from the Greek word for dolphin, because the flower was thought to resemble a dolphin’s back. It represents happiness, joy, and fun. It also lasts a long time after being cut and placed in water. They are incredible flowers that don’t get the recognition they deserve which is why I cherish them every morning when I get up and see them growing in my garden. They never fail to bring a smile to my face.”

May took the flower from her grandma inspecting it, and extolled its extensive beauty which was so profound that her eyes struggled to take in the details of it all at once. On some level she related to the flower. She felt sympathy for it, it was so unnoticed, so alone, so...underestimated. May found herself relating more to the flower than to any other person she had ever met. Maybe she needed to finally show her colors and stop hiding within the shell she created to block all the hate and the scorn, and face her fears. Maybe this flower was her sign. She handed it back to her grandma, and  stood up. “Thank you for all your help Grandma. I have to go now, there’s something I need to do that I have been neglecting for far too long. Good bye.” 

May flew out of the door running to her car and driving home going 15 miles over the speed limit in the midst of her excitement. At home she ran to her desk and wrote, and revised the same paragraph over and over again until it perfectly stated what she wanted to convey. She then memorized it staying up until 1:00 a.m. before crashing at her desk with her reading lamp still on. When she woke up in the morning her excitement had grown even more to the point where it was almost palpable. She spent two hours getting ready that day determined to look her best for what she was about to do. 

Once at school her eyes locked with the one person that meant everything to her without knowing it, the one person who could make all her stress melt away by simply being in her presence, the one person that was her entire world without knowing it. Her eyes crept down a little only to find  him holding a single stem of delphinium in his hand. Her stomach dropped to the floor as a relasitation hit her. He had probably bought those for someone else. He loved someone else. He was going to ask someone else to the prom.  Her panic started overflowing, swallowing her in its overwhelming tide until she noticed him walking towards her.

He paused once he reached her handing her the delphinium. “I um, I was wondering if you wanted to um go to the prom with me maybe?” he asked and May would have done anything in that moment to wipe the hesitance out of his tone right then. She didn’t waste a beat. “I would love nothing more.” His smile lit up May’s heart and she felt a weird tingling sensation unlike anything she had ever felt before. Desperate to ignore it she changed the subject. “So… I love it, but why did you choose delphinium? Every other guy in the school just got their date a rose.” His smile grew at this. “I always did love how inquisitive you are. I chose delphinium, because its blue color reminds me of your blue eyes that are so attractive they leave me speechless every time, and because few get to truly appreciate your beauty. I am lucky enough to have a front row seat, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”