It Would Have Been Better To Be A Ghost

School was boring that day. We learned about structures of an atom and of World War 2. We learned about verbs and books and computers and Spanish. Then I had tutoring.

Let me explain this to you. I am not dumb. In fact I am very smart. I used to get all A’s and I never missed a homework assignment. Then school got pathetic. I learned the same things that I learned the last year and the last day. So I stopped trying. I never did homework and I never studied for tests. I didn’t pay attention and instead made up stories in my head all day. Mostly about death.

My dad died when I was five. I don’t remember why. I just remember feeling empty for years, like my dad took some of my soul with him. In class I would imagine all the things he was doing in the afterlife and what the afterlife looked like. Some days, when I had hope, I imagined my dad walking on the clouds with all the family members I never got to meet. On bad days I imagined him walking gloomily on the earth as a ghost. I couldn’t hear or see him but he was there. He was lonely but not really.

Through all my days I never once imagined something worse than the ghost. Sadly, everything I experienced was worse. 

I walked down the dark street, coming home from school. I lived in the bad parts of town but I was not at all worried as I walked down the alleys. I stopped in the little drug store and bought some gum.

“Careful young lady, it's dark and dangerous out there,” the man at the cashier said.

“What are you doing walking out so late? It’s 8:53, almost nine,” said the lady who was obviously drunk by the door to the store. 

I had walked that path in the dark thousands of times. Nothing had ever happened to me. At least, till that night.

I walked out of the store and turned the corner, now only 5 minutes from my house. I heard someone behind me. Probably the lady I saw. I turned around to check but no one was there. Or so it looked like. My senses were never wrong.

“Dad?” I asked with hope in my voice.

Then I heard the gunshot. It was loud and close, so close that the ringing stayed in my ears. I became light as a feather as my instincts took over and I ran like lightning in the direction of my house. I got to my door and it was locked. Of course with my luck, that day had to be the one day where my sister was late.

Having no other options I ran to the makeshift wall in the basement. I tore through it with ease then tried my best to patch it back up. I ran to the kitchen and opened the emergency door, the one with the handgun in it. I knew how to use it. It was simple. I was taught how to use a handgun when I was five. My sister came home at 9:00 at the latest and it was probably 9:05. Not good. I glanced at the clock in the living room. 8:55.

The clock must have been broken because it was 8:53 when I passed the store close to where I heard the gunshot. I ran to the bedroom, the one where all my family sleeps, and I opened mom's valuables drawer. Inside there were coins, jewels, money, and three watches, each reading the time of 8:55. The time had stopped.

My only choice was to find my sister so I ran her path to work. I found her like I was certain I would. But she wasn't moving. I ran to her and when I tried to reach for a hug my hand went right through her. I am not sure if any of you could imagine what this felt like but it was awful. The only person I could really rely on was frozen in time. I screamed like any sensible person would and I ran the other way. I ran back to school, hoping something would be normal there but before I could check, I slipped on something on the road. I hit my head but I didn’t feel it. I was covered in blood. I slipped on blood. I remembered the gunshot and got scared for my life. Little did I know that it was too late for that.

I looked next to me at the dead body on the street, my dead body. My blood. I was dead. But instead of the after life I was stuck here. Frozen in time. Alone forever. I slowly stood up. This was worse than anything I could have imagined. It would have been better to be a ghost. Watching the world pass by without me. Now I had to live in a world without anyone. Forever.

Then I started to think. Was this really the after life or just a coma? Did my death stop the world or just my world? I forced myself to look at my body again. I was dead, no doubt about it. I couldn’t touch my body. I couldn’t try. I looked up and saw where the bullet came from, the roof of the drug store. The quiet boy from school. I expected more of him. Oh well.

I headed to my house and for the first time in forever, I prayed. 

I said, “God, give me an afterlife with my dad.” 

He said no. I was stuck.

I said, “God, give me a person to talk to.”

He said no. I was alone.

I said, “God, it would have been better to be a ghost.”

I didn’t need an answer. I knew.

I've spent my time since then traveling. I have explored all of the america's and I am now heading to the next continent. I guess when I am done I will find my favorite spots to visit again. One thing that is nice about the world is that water still moves and weather changes. Just no animals and no man made things. I have climbed mountains and walked miles. I never get hungry and my feet never get tired. I keep walking and moving, never stopping. Never sleeping. Ever frozen, ever alone. Always wishing I was a ghost.