The Speed of Music

“We have plenty of time,” Mom waved a hand at the dashboard clock. “You’ll get there with minutes to spare.”

7:45 am. It took twenty minutes to get to school and classes start at 8:04. I rolled my eyes and fiddled with the radio dial—a soft voice crooned about a new love. Mom started to hum along but it was too slow so I moved to the next station.  

“You know, first period is the only class that I’m ever late for. If I get two more tardies, I’m going to get detention. What if that goes on my record and hurts my chances of getting into USC?” 

“...A special session saw the passing of a controversial bill requiring school employees to wear face coverings...” I turned it quickly, the last thing I wanted was for her to start lecturing me on politics. 

“The number of detentions you’ve had doesn’t go on your college application, Sunshine.”

“How would you know? It’s not like you went to college.”

A pop song blared out, upbeat and loud. I eyed my mom, unsure whether she knew it. She didn’t react, her lips pursed together. She was wearing lipstick. I sighed, all she was doing was dropping me off, why did she have to put on a full face of make-up. I didn’t even bother with it and I was the one going to school—it took away too many precious moments that could be spent in bed. 

I turned to the next station, 70’s rock. I looked up expectantly. This one worked sometimes. 

“I went to college, Sunshine. I only needed six more credits to get my Associate’s.”

“Community college,” I corrected. “It’s not like you had to do a full application, anyone can get in.”

I turned up the volume a bit and eyed the speedometer. She was staying at a consistent 35 mph. It wasn’t working. The song wasn’t upbeat enough. I needed her to go faster. 

I moved to the next station, jazz. Ugh, next. 

“I had to pay for college on my own. Community college was the most affordable option.”

Salsa music blared out of the speakers. 

“I know. I know. But then you dropped out. So it’s not like it really mattered to you that much. I like school. I want to get my doctorate.” 

“You think I wanted to drop out? That I planned on never going back? Life happened, Sunshine. I got pregnant with your brother and-”

“I know, I know. We derailed your dreams.” I flipped to the next station. “It’s not my fault you got pregnant,” I muttered. 

She grabbed my hand. “Stop it! Find a station and stick with it.”

“Okay, okay. Just one more” I flipped to the next station: Madonna. Yes! Mom loved Madonna. This one had to work. “I choose this one.”

I leaned back into my seat and stared out the window and gripped my backpack tightly. I hated being late and Mrs. Petersen always made such a big deal out of it. She made you get a tardy slip from the office if you were even a minute late. 

I glanced at the clock, 7:54. “Can you go any faster?”

Suddenly, mom swerved out of traffic and parked on the side of the road.

“What are you doing! I’m already going to be late-”

She slammed her hands on the steering wheel and twisted in her seat to face me. “You are very lucky. You realize that don’t you? You get an allowance so you don’t have to work during high school. Your clothes aren’t hand-me-downs. We’re sending you to the best school in our district, even though it doesn’t have a school bus system, so I have to pick you up and drop you off every day. I make you breakfast before school, even though you never eat it. I make you lunch and I’m pretty sure you don’t eat that either.”

She ran her fingers through her hair before putting the car in park. “I had to walk to school or take the bus. I wore my sister’s hand-me-downs which were in turn hand-me-downs from our cousin. My dad spent more money on alcohol than on food so I often went hungry during lunch. And, I dropped out of school so that I could get a full-time job and support my family. I’ve worked hard to make sure that you didn’t have the same life that I did. You are very very lucky. And all you do is complain that it’s not enough.”

“Look, Mom, I’m sorry. I’m just stressed about being late-”

“I wanted to work in advertising. And, I was good at it. I got straight A’s in all of my classes. I had dreams. Just like you do now.”

I looked at the clock, 7:58 am. 

“Do you understand that you’re lucky?”

“What?”

“Say ‘Thank you for all that you do, Mom. I’m very lucky to have you.’”

“Are you-”

“Say it.”

“Thank you for all that you do, Mom. I’m very lucky to have you,” I ground out. 

“You’re welcome, Sunshine.” 

“Can we go now?”

Mom sighed and flipped on her blinker and merged back into traffic. It was now 8 am. I rolled my eyes in disgust and stared out the window. 

The drop off line at the school was empty. Great, I was the last one. I jumped out of the car as soon as the car was parked and started toward the door. I looked down at my phone: 8:03 am. 

“Wait,” I heard her say. My hands curled into a fist but I turned around and pasted a smile on my face. Mom was digging in the cupholder. I waited, fuming, as she counted out $2.50 in quarters and handed them to me. “Take the bus home today.” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I gaped. “Mom, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“Leave your phone on and give me a call if you’re confused about which bus to take. The closest stop is one block that way.” 

“Mom!” 

“See you at home.” She hit the gas and peeled away from the curb, speeding through the yellow light while an 80’s pop song blared from the radio.