Serving Boy

So close, yet so far. What curse may this be, I ask. That even in my moments of victory, I still lose. That all the world and her being shall be against me; that even in my final moments I remain longing; that the sun rises and sets without a single touch on my skin, not even a kiss. 

May it be that my ambitions were too great?

How easier could it have been to know you? To meet your elegance and beauty, your glowing smile and warming kindness.

The orders were that every serving girl be executed, and the royal house be wiped of our filth and treachery. The King had just been murdered, poisoned by one of us. And from rage your mother ordered for our execution. Yet in that moment of grief and anger you trusted me still, you believed the words of a serving girl.

"I know who," were my exact words. Supposed to be my last were it be another knight. But they were my words of redemption. You held your blade to my neck. Whether you couldn't slay me out of love or curiosity, I was too scared to tell. You listened to me.

"The true traitor; the person who poisoned your father was Lord Mayher… your uncle." I still remember the shiver in my breath, not from the cold of your steel on my neck, but from fear that the one I love may slay me soon.

"And what proof have you?" You asked, you never imagined such a truth to be in the hands of such as myself.

"I saw…" And true were my shivering words, I saw it all. The same vile used against the king, I saw once in your uncle's room.

You trusted me, and rather than flee I stayed. For my protection I was made a boy, dressed as one, and as your serving boy - With hopes that we will someday reveal your uncle. I tired not of washing your clothes, scrubbing your boots and bathing you. Hoping to do so many more times until I someday find myself lying in your bed, watching the golden splits of sun rays touch your sweet skin as you hold me in your arms.

What more would I have asked for? A perfect dream becoming reality.

"If you are to be discovered, you will be executed." You worried.

"Worry not about me. I will help you." Little you knew that the love I possessed for you was greater than any fear. Then I said, "I will be your serving boy."

Your father had just been killed, murdered by his own brother. I could only imagine you to be next. What is life without you in it, be it as your woman or as a serving girl that steals a glimpse at you every meal you are served. You had yet to express your imaginations about me but I knew them to be affection, for I saw the way you regarded me. The way you smiled when I walked away; the other girls told me.

Perhaps it holds your reasons for trusting me.

All that is done now, at its end. You will no longer gift me flowers in the sickroom, nor will you longer grin at me while I scrub your shoes for pretense. Perhaps your father's death came as a blessing, a chance to forever flee and be as one. But we were only ever so destined to be close but never to be together, for there was a feeling you held that outweighed the love you had me, vengeance.

"We have, for many fortnights, yet to reveal your uncle's betrayal. And without you as heir, soon he will wed your mother and be King." I was certain you heard my words as you sat in the tub and I bathed you; you said nothing. Nervous, but I said, "We should flee and be together. I love you, Abrecan, and I know you feel the same as well."

Your response broke me in many falling shards of steel and blood. "I know not what I feel for you, but I shall avenge my father's death. That, I know for certain." But there stayed a feeling in me that kept me with you still. Risking every passing hour to be with you, just to help fulfill your desires.

You thought very little of how I felt. About the dangers that met me for every step I took in the Palace. About the time your uncle noticed me; for nigh on a second my heart froze.

"You!" Your uncle approached me. "Who's lad might you be?" He stared sternly into my eyes.

My response came in shivers. "Th-The Prince."

But your uncle had a keen eye. "I am certain I have seen you once."

"I am always up and about, your highness."

"Of course…"

It was from that moment things slowly began to change. Your uncle, who was now the king, kept his eyes on us. There became men moving within the walls of every part of the kingdom, listening and watching, hoping for us to err so they may inform the king. I grew in fear of what might happen to you if I were to be discovered. What the king might do to you after my execution, thus I thought to leave.

"You need not go. I can protect you." I could see in your eyes that you believed not what you said. Then how was I to?

"I must." How difficult those words were to say.

And in that moment you perhaps discovered the truth of your feelings for me. The truth of why you spared me. The truth of why you always stared at me, protected me, and kept me close. The words I always wished to have heard you say, you finally found them in your mist of anger and hatred; "I love you, Ardith."

The warmest of feelings and emotions flushed my fear away in one moment. I watched your golden hair flash in the light as you came closer, as you held my hand and glared at me with your beautiful blue eyes, and braced me with the softest of kisses. "I know now what I feel for you, and it is love." I could see the excitement in your eyes as you spoke those words, and you rued them not. "I will flee with you. Together we will live and be happy, away from all of this. Just you and I."

Within my being held doubts about your intentions. I knew what you felt for me, but I knew better who you were; vengeance, and your love for the throne exceeded any other thing, including your love for me. But I fooled myself just to fulfil my 'maid fantasy.'

I lay with you, and we did what no other man would do with me ever again.

I write this so you know; I lived for you, and now I have died for you. You only read this because I no longer live, for what I am to do in the coming hours will guarantee your safety. This final chore I shall fulfill for you, my final assignment as your serving boy, I shall trade my life for the love I have for you.

Goodbye my Prince, my love.

With unfallen tears brushed off the corners of her eyes, Ardith sealed her letter to her beloved and it soon vanished in her sleeves before taking the King's meal from the kitchen. "It is the King's wish that I serve him today." Is what she told to the cook as she carried the meal.

No longer would she wait. No longer would she bare in heart the good of patience, nor will she worry to carry out affairs the right way. For if she acted even a second later than needed, her beloved Abrecan may not witness the setting sun.

The King's Chambers stayed heavily guarded, with sentries occupying posts at the door and even more armed men standing inside. The prince's attempt to usurp the throne not only made him a room in the cell, but also created the perfect stage for Ardith's last act of love for him. He saved and protected her once, now was her turn. She would save him from death and die in his place.

"Your meal, my Lord."

The King's regard for her held many questions, but he gave one voice; "Where is Sol?"

"He fell ill."

"And how am I to trust the Prince's serving boy." 

"I knew not of the prince's ambitions," She said. In truth.

The king tore a piece of his bread and handed her. "Then you mind not."

But Ardith had no fear in her heart, her life meant nothing to her if it meant saving her beloved. She would not be shaken by death, not now. She took the piece and confidently swallowed, knowing it would do its job, not just on her but on the king as well.

Confident the food wasn't baned, the king ate with a cool mind. But the effects were never to be in an instant, a fact Ardith knew fully well. "Long live the king. The true king." She thought to herself as she walked out the chambers.

Nigh on an hour gone she lay in the prince's bed awaiting her time. Her mission was accomplished, a few seconds gone now and she would be forever gone - and so would the king. 

Her letter stayed at hand as she placed them on her chest, now she would leave her beloved in peace, with nothing but memories of what they were. "Perhaps, this is my victory." She thought to herself in her final breath.