The truth about Judith

'Last night, in the shed, he was working late again”

I stuttered to the officer as the tears cascaded down my face creating pools in my cuffed hands which lay open helplessly on my lap. DS Turner spoke softly bowing his head so our eyes met before muttering the words,

“Mrs, Sheffield, I know this is hard and you’re going through a traumatic experience, but I need you to tell me what happened earlier this evening between you and your husband, I have to read you your rights when I start the tape, the date is 31/10/2000 and the time is 0200 hundred hours, Mrs Delia Sheffield You are under arrest on suspicion of murder. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned something which you later rely on in court. You are also entitled to request the attendance of a solicitor at any point during this interview. Do you understand what I’ve just said Mrs Sheffield”

 It suddenly hit me where I was, I lifted my head and stared into the eyes of the DS I could just make out his features with my left eye my right eye was still swollen shut, I brushed the hair out of my face with my hands still clasped tightly together as if I were some sort of dangerous predator, my glare still firmly fixed on the DS I spat through my cut lip and gritted teeth,

“you have no idea what I’ve endured the past 9 years, you don’t know what he was going to do what he is capable of, it should have been me not him but who would protect”

I shot out of my seat flinging the chair back suddenly panic set in, my voice rose where’s where is Judith, my eyes scanned the room and fell back to the DS, I was shacking violently and now I was shouting

“where’s Judith he’s got her hasn’t he?”

 I gasped as my hands over my mouth in despair.

“Mrs Sheffield, calm yourself down”

The Ds roared the room seemed to vibrate from his bellowing voice, he then cleared his throat and gestured for me to retake my seat, he then spoke softer,

“Judith is here with social services I’m sorry to have to tell you this but your husband is dead”

Relief filled my chest as I drew in the sticky air and I dropped back into the chair and exhaled the breath taking all of the panic out of my tiny body into the corners of this small dark room, my eyes closed and shoulders dropped, I suddenly felt the aches throughout my body I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted everything hurt, it was only now I realised the extent of my injuries. The DS’s voice brought me back to reality

“Mrs Sheffield please try to concentrate what happened earlier this evening”

The DS's voice was sterner this time, like the scolding from a school teacher. I opened my eye and caught his glare. Suddenly the thought that this man could well be lying to me crossed my mind

“DS Turner are you sure he’s dead?”  

I questioned? The Ds shot forward towards me I flinched he then rose slowly before uttering the words

“Interview terminated at 0400 hours”

He then turned and left the interview room, I screamed after him

“Ds Turner answer me is he fucking dead”

Some time had passed I wasn't sure how long, a few hours maybe, it felt like forever the room had the stench of sweat in the air, I dragged my head of the table my face burned from my salty tears that still drizzled down my face, I tried to opened my eyes but the bright light strained them to a squint, not that there was really anything new to look at the same four grey walls, two matt black plastic chairs placed either side of a small table that looked like it should be in a class room not a police interview room, it didn't quiet fit the décor, you would imagine something much more menacing and scary, I pondered this for a moment. Then I jumped out my seat as the door behind me flew open and DS Turner returned to the chair opposite me, he looked tired, the black bags under his eyes made me wonder just how long had I been sat in this room, the wrinkles on his face had become deeper since our last conversation and they curved perfectly to emulate his frustration, I stared into his eyes waiting for the next round in which I would have to fight, he placed his hands on the table and dropped his head so our eyes were level, I rose slowly and met his gaze before uttering the words,

“I want a lawyer, and I want to see my daughter”

I then dropped back into my chair, Ds Turners face filled with rage, the veins on his head were pulsating frantically, he was furious he span on his heels threw open the door with such force he didn’t need to slam it, as it ricochet of the wall and slammed shut behind him. I inhaled air after what felt like an eternity of holding my breath before letting out a sigh filled with defeat, my head fell onto my crossed arms on the table and once again I was alone i closed my swollen eyes.

      Suddenly the door swung open once again, and there he was DS Turner, I could sense his presence now without even having to look up, he was now imprinted on my minds eye. I didn't bother wasting my energy acknowledging his entrance, I remained still, trying to conserve what little strength I had left, for I knew I would need it, my head hung low, and my body slouched caressed into shape by the plastic skeleton of the chair. He took his usual seat across from me, his shadow sheltered me from the bright intimidating light that hung central in the box room. Adjusting the cuffs on his suit jacket he clenched his hands into a fist. Then within a split second he threw his hands with all his might onto the flimsy table which ricocheted of the floor in response to the unprovoked attack. He then leaned across our divider and screamed.

“So Mrs Sheffield what's it going to be then eh” 

I stifled a sarcastic giggle, at his efforts to be intimidating. I leaned into the table my gaze met his, the rage was building now, my eyes like lasers burning into his. I slowly rose up out of my chair so our noses were millimetres apart, I could feel his hot breath hit my face as his breathing intensified. Now I was angry, and the volcano of emotion I was holding the lid on, this burning inferno locked within my body, was about to explode. We had been doing this back and forth game of his for hours and I was still being denied access to my dear Judith, I knew my heart wouldn't bare much more of this separation. See, DS Turner had this notion that I was hiding some big secret about what had taken place that night and I was being uncooperative in the investigation for not divulging the information he desired. He didn't seem to contemplate that I may have actually been telling the truth for the past several hours, which began to feel like days. So my response was the same as each previous account I had given of that evenings events, but this time it would spill out like lava from my mouth across the grey table dividing us, I could feel the waves coursing through my veins burning like venom, full of anger and detest, I couldn't control it any longer the top was about to blow, and as my mouth opened I spat the same words I had repeated all night.   

“ I don't no where the money is, I never knew about any money, he kept me locked behind closed doors, he didn't discuss things like that with me, I was his slave, his punch bag and there for his sickening sexual gratification, I was a pawn in this game, not the queen, for 9 years I abided by his rules to save mine and my daughters life, so yes I am so glad the bastards dead, and I wish id had the bottle to have done it! Ds Turner But I didn’t”

The words seemed to become tangible filling the small open space between us, heavy and stacking up with agony, pain and fear. My emotions took over, I had lost control I was so tired, so sore and so angry, but most of all I was now weak and weary. The explosion of emotion was everything I had left in me, I fell back into the chair finally defeated. He was still getting the last laugh, one last kick in the teeth. After everything I had done to escape, to save my dear Judith from a destiny of sorrow, it would seem that we would still be parted despite all my efforts. With that thought stuck thick in my throat I was ready to give up the fight, what more could I do, I had lost and it tasted bitter. DS Turner must have sensed my vulnerability and took advantage of this,

“Your telling me that for 9 years you had no idea what your husband was up to in that shed Mrs Sheffield, and that some random Joe just kicked in the door and shot him but only knocked you out and took of with all the money, come on lady he’d been abusing you for years, had you finally had enough, did you crack Mrs Sheffield? When his back was turned you grabbed that gun and you fired it didn’t you!”

Ds Turners words thundered through the tiny interview room, I was balled up now sat in the foetal position rocking trying to self sooth and keep my lips sealed, he continued to push and push with interrogating questions, until finally defeated I was about to scream with all my might when the door opened and there stood my beautiful little Judith tears pouring down her face, I starred at her in horror why was she in handcuffs, why was a detective holding her shoulders. I shot up! Screaming

“What’s going on? What are you doing to my baby”

She whispered hardly vocalising at all,

“ I’m sorry mum, I had to tell them the truth that i shot dad and that we hid the money from the shed”

My heart sank, I grabbed Ds turners shirt before pleading like my life depended on it,

“ she’s lying, she doesn’t no what she’s saying, she’s clearly just confused, she’s just a little girl please”

Ds Turner pulled my hands of him before releasing them from the handcuffs and muttering the words,

“Mrs Sheffield you are free to go, miss Judith Sheffield you are under arrest for the first degree murder of your father Mr David Sheffield , you do not have to say anything which may harm your defence anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law, do you understand”

I was wailing, my heart felt like it had been stabbed a thousand times, another officer had been summoned to hold me back so I couldn’t get to Judith they led her away she looked back at me over her shoulder sobbing she mouthed the words.

“I love you mum”

Once again I was alone in that room, but this time the door was ajar and I was uncuffed, but I was alone truly now, my husband dead, my dear Judith ripped from my arms, and it was all because of shay was in that shed.