food for thought

Ben scooped a sizable portion of the pasta onto his plate. It made a wet sound on the porcelain. He took some flaky salt and sprinkled it on top. Mom was always a little shy with the spices, which left the food bland. His thoughts soon left the dinner-seasoning. He has bigger problems to tackle. There are three assignments left untouched due tomorrow on his desk, and on Wednesday they have this important exam that he still hasn’t studied for. Thing is, he can’t be bothered to care. The lasagna in his mouth is flaming hot. He tosses it around frantically with his tongue while blowing on it, which almost made him choke on some onion. Dad paused, gave him a stern look, and went back to eating. Ben was always the best in his class, highest grades, and a teacher’s favorite. The choice of subject was obvious to him. Of course the smart kid would pick something like this. He chose physics, fucking physics. His family played a big part in that decision. He knew his parents would’ve been extremely disappointed if he had taken the course he really wanted. So he bit the bullet and did what they expected. They don’t even know what he’s sacrificing. How could he ever tell them? It’s that simple, they will never know that his biggest dream is something completely different. His burning passion will always be for art. 

His mom mutters something unhearable. He turns to her. She points at the bowl in the middle, too far away for her to reach. He grabs the salad and hands it over to her. She nods. The table stays silent, but for the clinking of cutlery. Ben dreams of dropping out of his studies, leaving this town behind to start a new life. One where he can paint and create, to be free to do whatever he wants. He can’t stand the weight of his parents’ unspoken demands and requirements.  

Hannah is devastated. A complete mess. She hasn’t been able to do anything other than laying in her bed sobbing for the past week. She’s eaten way too many pints of ice cream, and somehow she has finished six seasons of her favorite series. Even now it’s hard to hold back the tears. She keeps her eyes on the lasagna, hoping that it will bring her comfort. As usual, no one has even said a word since they sat down to eat, which normally just annoys her a little, but right now the tension is suffocating. She can’t deal with this right now. In the corner of her eye she watches as her dad pierces a broccoli to his fork and then drags it along the plate to cover it in tomato. Ben coughs clumsily on some food. Hannah takes a bite. A familiar taste that always brings her back to her childhood makes her feel a bit better. 

She wishes she could tell them, stop carrying all this alone, but that’s just ludicrous. Imagine that, she thinks. Opening up to her lovely family about how her heart is broken, how she is afraid that she will never love again. The reaction would be priceless. Dad would most likely not say a word, maybe even leave the table. Mom would tell her to stop with the nonsense, that there is no need to be so sensitive. The day after, she might sit her down to tell her that this sort of weak behavior won’t be tolerated, not in our household. Sam, her ex- boyfriend, was the only one she could talk to. She has nobody else, and now he’s gone. She still can’t believe he broke up with her. Some sticky sounds from the sauce make her shiver.

 He was her everything, and he left her. Mom and dad have met him, they said little about it, which means that they approved of him. Otherwise he wouldn’t have stepped a foot inside here again. And even though they accepted him, they probably won’t even notice that it’s over. If he is here or not doesn’t matter to them, and so they don’t acknowledge his absence. But that also means that they choose to not see the hurt she’s going through. She’s sure that it’s written all over her face, are they really cruel enough to ignore that? 

Sue straightens in her chair when Ben, who always fumbles, tries to hide his failed attempt at eating. His way of always being lost in the clouds irritates her. Why can’t he just concentrate for ones? It’s not like consuming a meal is a hard task to complete. She watches him now. She can’t pinpoint when, but a shadow has settled over her son’s face, always present. It’s obvious that something is off. She just can’t understand why he walks around and dwells on it. He needs to leave it behind; the world is too busy for us to ponder on misfortunes. The almost untouched food on her plate is still smoking. She waits calmly for it to cool down. Although there is that nagging thought that keeps her distracted, which she hates. She can’t seem to control it, no matter how much effort she puts into it. The pearl earring she found on her husband’s bedside table keeps glistening in her memory. Sue has never owned jewelry that attention grabbing. This pair wasn’t hers. Not that she cared much, but she had been sure that she’d married a more respectful man than that. She asks for somebody to bring her the greens. but it comes out as a mumble. 

When she bites into the mix of vegetables, they make a crunch that distracts her. Brain of track. She remembers it was a long time since she saw Sam. He had been by almost every day before, making her evaluate the dignity of the boyfriend. Does he have a hard time grasping the concept of space and time apart, she had wondered. Come to think of it, Hannah had been awfully quiet this past week. She better talk to her soon, her daughter can’t behave so weakly. Still her mind wanders back to the sparkling stones that seem to be imprinted behind her eyes. 

Stan was in a grim mood. His colleague acted like a complete ass earlier, when he tried to tell her she was lazy and incompetent, which she clearly was. And that was not the only unfortunate encounter with idiots he had today. When he came home, the neighbours’ kid was out playing in the driveway again. Being raised by wolves would probably be better for that lad. His parents can’t even mow grass correctly. The stupid lasagna tasted nothing in his mouth. He watches the people sitting around the table. His son is fidgeting with the glass in front of him. He has always been nervous and worried, something Stan isn’t fond of. But he has at least done something with his life, his studies are in an acceptable field, and so he leaves him alone. His daughter, on the other hand, won’t make it far in life. She depends on passion and feelings. Ben surprises him when he disturbs the silence.

“Mom, dad,” he says in a low tone.

“I’ve made a decision” he straightens. Ben tries to brace himself for what’s coming. His inner voice is screaming for him to stop, but this sudden urge can’t be hindered. The spontaneous courage came out of nowhere, 

“You will not like it, but this is non-negotiable”

“Next week, I will quit my physics course. Soon I will start in a new class, studying art”

It blackens before Stan’s eyes, his heavy breathing the only sound in the dining room. Hands trembling, he grabs the knife harder. 

A small sniffle breaks the quiet. A single tear streaked Hannah’s cheek when she met his gaze. Then she started crying, sobbing even. Stan can’t conceal his shock. Mouth drops open while the irritation spreads like a fire.

“Sam broke up with me,” she wines. He was definitely not ready for this chaos. As her brother puts a comforting hand on her shoulder, he tries to calm down. He has never been so disappointed in his children, and that says a lot. He looks at his wife for assistance, but she doesn’t look at him. She stands up a bit too fast, the momentum almost making the chair tip over. Her eyes darted between them. After a deep sigh, she looks at him with an icy glare that seems to see right through him. 

“I know you cheated on me,” she says calmly. Then she walks out to the kitchen.