Passing Ships in Parallel Lives

When you get married, you have this naive expectation that you’ll just cuddle a lot, see each other in constant quality time, and have ideal work schedules that never conflict with meals and date nights.

Not so much.

Maybe at first, but not for long.

It’s brief and sporadic at best.

It’s not naive in the way that in marriage (as you share a home and combine lives) you will inevitably rub shoulders and keep company more often, but you forget that adulting and real life interrupt those moments more often the older you get.

***

“Honey, I got mids again.” Martin said gently, with the slightest twinge of familiar disappointment.

“Ugh… I feel like your day schedule was so short-lived. Like we just got into a routine. Last time you were on nights we -”

“I know,” he said, interjecting between Noelle’s words. “... we barely saw each other.”

“And I wasn’t even working then! We were still engaged right? It was different...Now I have this swing schedule and I can’t easily change that right now.”

“It’s just a heads up, love. I didn’t ask for this. It’s just military life.”

“You’re right, and I know what I signed up for. I’m not mad at you. I just am annoyed at this happening again,” Noelle said sincerely, but firmly.

Without any more words, they exchanged their I-know-this-sucks hug. Those hugs are longer than the just-getting-home-from-work hugs but much shorter than the got-back-from-deployment hugs.

***

Martin and Noelle don’t take too long adjusting to their colliding schedules. She has quick walking breakfasts, the kind she can scarf down on the way to the errands she often runs in her open mornings before work (bananas, a granola bar, and so on). She preferred it this way so he can sleep in a quiet house. She’d usually have enough time after work to make dinner that they can share in the short hour before he went to work. Sometimes he'd even make it when he awoke. Then she’d wind down for bed not long after. (Not before she could watch a couple episodes of her guilty pleasure, Gilmore Girls or some crime drama.)

As much as possible, he’d come home, spent from work, sun rising for the day, to make her a more decent breakfast so she wouldn’t be stuck with bars and bananas. He’d make her bacon, pancakes, etc. and leave it in the fridge for her to reheat. She’d pack him food when she could for him to bring to work too. Lunch was sort of on their own most days. He might make a sandwich at home and she’d grab fast food or whatever she made the night before.

They adjusted to other things too - the times they could watch something together, or trade massages. But it felt fleeting. He’d kiss her as she woke up, as he dressed down for some subpar sleep. She’d come home and give him a quick hug after a rough workday as he threw on his shoes to leave - if he hadn’t already left, that is.

It was a comfortable routine, but it was getting exhausting and lonely.

***

“Noelle, where are my keys?”

“I don’t know, did you check the hook near the door where they’re supposed to go? You should just put them there every time.”

He dismissed her being a bit biting and tried to respond with water, not more fire. “Of course I checked there… wait… they might be in my work pants.”

She didn’t respond right away, giving him time to check. He walked over to the chair he draped his pants over each day and rummaged through each pocket. 

“Yep! Dumb keys… I should've known right away where I left them.”

Noelle was just relieved he didn’t leave them in the locked car like he had a couple times.

“See you later, handsome,” she said somewhat glumly. It was difficult to feel affectionate as he was either walking out the door or walking in for some immediate sleep.

“Love you. I’ll let you know when I get there.”

***

As the sun peeked through the window, waking Noelle before her alarm as usual, she blinked her eyes to stay awake so she could see Martin when he came home. It usually wasn’t too long of a wait.  Today took a little longer though, and Noelle woke up, realizing she fell asleep again. She looked over and saw Martin asleep next to her, snoring away. She was impressed for a couple seconds at how sleep always feels like time travel, but then she was annoyed.

His snoring is actually what woke her. She felt a sting of chagrin at the sound. He should’ve known she’d want a greeting as they’re both awake. They get so few moments as it is. He’ll simply sleep the day away and she won’t get much time with him today before he leaves. She was at least glad she didn’t have to work too, or else she would have overslept with more of a consequence.

Later that day, as Martin wakes to get ready for work, Noelle is still fuming.

“Listen…” she began, poised to articulate her stance, “...I feel a bit gypped.”

“Gypped? By me?”

“Well, yeah, kinda. Didn’t you see me asleep? I was trying to stay awake to spend some time with you when you got home. You took so long for some reason and I fell back asleep!  I could’ve gotten a kiss at least.”

“I did kiss you, love! You didn’t wake like you usually do. And I was kept late as changeover was happening. Some alarm or something. Give me a break!”

“You know, I’m sorry! I’m tired too! I just… I never see you. Not like it was.”

“I know… trust me, I know.”

It fizzled down quickly, but as usual it didn’t exactly get resolved. Not really. There was no fix. No middle ground. They simply kept trudging along living separate lives in the same home.  Neither of them had a ton of say to change their shifts, especially Martin. The military dictates where they live, so it makes sense their entire lives hinge on his wacky overnights. 

Noelle only worked part-time, but Martin had twelve hour shifts every work night. She learned to live more independently by getting involved with on-base spouse events, church activities, and whatever else she could - open mics at coffee shops, catching a new movie with a girlfriend, and so on. Some days, she almost enjoyed this freedom to live less bound to what Martin was doing and wherever he was. 

Almost like an expected appointment, Martin came home with some news.

“Noelle, got some news… TDY stuff.”

She’s been accustomed to his lingo long enough that she knew that TDY meant temporary duty, which translates to weeks or even months away. When Martin explained he’d be gone for three weeks this time a couple states away for some training, he expected a fiery wife, but she calmly responded “Okay. I’ll miss you.”

It took him off guard. She almost sounded relieved. Before, he’d be twisted up at her anxiety and frustration, but this almost felt worse. It’s like she was perfectly okay not being around him.

“I guess I’m glad you’re okay with this.” He tried to sound genuine and loving, but he felt like he was lying to her face and it felt personal.

***

This TDY was weird… Noelle and Martin both slid into a new routine of their own activities and didn’t speak as much as past TDYs and deployments. In his three weeks away, they spoke maybe three times. When they spoke, it wasn’t important stuff. Updates about the workday or weather, but nothing intimate or memorable. It wasn’t unloving either. Just… general. 

It was somewhat a blessing in disguise though. Those last few days as he was preparing to travel back, days after their final call, she started to miss him again. He started to miss her too. They didn’t really know this. He texted her of course. “Hopping on the plane!” (Heart eyes emoji and all.) She’d reply with her many hearts and “Can’t wait to see you” even though it had been pretty awkwardly silent for days. On the surface, it would seem like they were fine and the air was cleared, but they both felt the foundation had shifted a bit over the past weeks.

***

They both expected to go back to normal - the passing ships, living together but separate thing. (Being nice mostly, but not super close.)

In some ways, that was true. He embraced her extra long like he does after time away, and she sunk in, truly relieved he was back. “I missed you so much.” That was the truest sounding comment he’s heard from her in nearly a month.

“I thought you went off me a bit.” he said with a smile.

She chuckled in a way that almost confirmed it, but neither of them minded. They were in the same state again. Three weeks was just long enough to do their own stuff but miss each other at the end.

What changed wasn’t their schedules much. What changed were their treatments of it all. They slept a little less and carved out more time getting out of the house together to actually do something fun. Sometimes they’d simply stay in bed longer - awake but phone-free. They were more tired and more in love lately.

It had been about two weeks since he came back from his TDY. They were enjoying their now-regular nighttime snuggle session. 

“Hey Martin…”

“Yes, love?”

After a few seconds, as she laid in his arms without saying anything, he turned his face toward hers only to see her reach and grab something from inside her nightstand.

“I tested this morning.”

PREGNANT.

The positive symbol stared at him as his heart burst! 

“I’m about 6 weeks along,” she continued. 

Things were cold between them before he left for the TDY, but he was extra thankful it didn’t stop them from one warm night together the week before he left. This was the best outcome ever of the only romantic time they’d shared in that rough month of living as basically casual roommates.

“My sweet Noelle, you’ll be a wonderful mother!”

She teared up as he caressed her face.

“I’ll still work, but I think just for the first trimester.” she explained.

“Whatever you like, hon.”

Their moment was interrupted by his wake-up alarm, which he didn’t need since he’d been awake cuddling for about a half hour now. As he got up to start getting ready, he paused, turned to Noelle and said “I’ll miss you, but I’ll see you in the morning… and you too,” he said toward their invisible addition.