Submitted to: Contest #321

Housewarming Gift

Written in response to: "Write a story that has a big twist."

8 likes 1 comment

Contemporary Drama Suspense

This story contains themes or mentions of physical violence, gore, or abuse.

1

“I’ll be there in five minutes!” The furious voice shot through the chilly air.

It belonged to a young woman who quickly hung up her phone and scrunched her nose. A stranger walking behind sped up to pass her. A man sunken into his black hoodie. Tsk, he’s avoiding me! She thought. Just like my sister, you don’t understand anything. The late night meant fewer passersbys, and she watched the man hurriedly turn a corner avoiding her presence. Tonight was the first day she has ever yelled in public, releasing such a ferocious roar into the air was a short-term remedy for her recent affliction– a broken heart. Out-of-character behavior had begun to consume her, and she wanted to crumple her life like a piece of paper to toss away.

With tightened lips she checked her phone at the time, then looked up at the street signs, neither offered her comfort, she was still a few blocks away from her sister’s housewarming party. Arms falling to her side, another realization set in: she was empty handed. Regardless if she was irritable and argumentative, a gift would soothe the tension and tardiness. I still want to see her tonight. This thought fueled her gaze of determination, scanning the street before her through the winter flurries until she laid her eyes on the corner store just up ahead. Glowing lights beckoning her closer. Lowering her beanie over eyebrows, warmth finding her frozen ears, she headed toward the concrete building. Ding-Ding. One clerk greeted her lazily.

“Wine?” She asked, a softer voice.

“Towards the back.” The clerk waved half heartedly.

Locating all two shelves of the affordable booze, her mind was unburdened by the previously tiresome thoughts, and found comfort in searching for the most appealing label.

2

“My life is on the line. I’ve lost everything.” The man’s voice desperately whispered into his phone. Then he ended the call, and looked up at the night sky. Snow flurries swayed down onto the tip of his nose, fatigued by their endless falling. He ran a hand over his exhausted face and shook off the snow. I need a reset, he thought. But when he finally looked down from the sky, a different train of thought aggressively entered his mind. I need a solution, panic setting in.

He decided to do something. He lowered his black hoodie, concealing his face. Looking around the corner, he was met with an empty street. His solution was here, and it presented itself in the form of a brightly lit ‘Open’ sign.

Peering through the windows, the man found a clerk in an empty corner store. In his head he began to count, piercing cold air entering his nose rapidly— One, two. One, two. One, two. Three.

Ding-Ding. Chaos inched closer from the sidelines, while the man played out his role. Shouting commands at the clerk, forceful and assertive, with no trace of his previous desperation. When the man needed more leverage, he slipped the firearm from the waist of his pants and angled it toward the clerk. That's when the money started making its way out of the register. But then they both froze instantly at the rustling sound to their left. Two sets of eyes widened at the young woman appearing before them, gripping a bottle of wine.

“I’ll leave, I won’t try to stop you.” Her words were mumbled and dry. She swayed a bit too much trying to keep her balance. It was supposed to be empty, no complications, the man tensed. Chaos ensued as he swung his arm in her direction, fingers trembling in the trigger. Firing. A scream. And a bottle of wine shattering into ruby pools, violentlying painting the corner store floors. “Run!” The clerk yelled as something was thrown in the man’s direction.

Grasping her beanie, the young woman flew out the doors and back into the winter night.

3

Her place! It’s close! The young woman panted, running towards her sister’s house for safety. A startling thought washed over her– she had left the clerk all alone. But when she dug through her pockets, they came back empty. Her phone had fallen somewhere in the corner store when she took off. Hurry, she pleaded with her feet. Bounding down the sidewalks of a familiar neighborhood, finally stumbling onto the concrete steps of the house. Balloon decorations already shriveled from earlier, a full trash bin. The young woman was tragically late to the housewarming party, but she ran through the door to find her sister. Who was standing by her kitchen dialing a number over and over. Biting her lip and tapping her fingers onto a screen, her sister’s face appeared troubled.

The young woman began shouting her name running across the hardwood floors arms outstretched, ready to grab her sister. When she made contact, her body fell forward and hit the ground as if her sister had moved. But she didn’t. Looking up, her sister was still staring at the phone, completely unfazed by it all. “You said five minutes, where are you?” Her sister muttered, making tears well up in her eyes.

The young woman stood up. She cupped her sister’s hands holding the phone and gazed at the features on her face. Contorted in worry. Wishing her sister would smile just once, the young woman’s feet crumpled instantly. Her chest met her knees and her back slammed to the floor. Her head throbbed and the middle of her stomach twisted in pain. Her eyes met a ceiling of fluorescent lights and faded decorations. In the corner of her eye was an ‘Open’ sign.

Oh. She understood. Swiveling her head upwards she glimpsed the clerk slumped in the corner frantically speaking on the phone. His clothes were splattered with wine-colored spots.

Ah. The pain was too strong and her head fell back. In her blurry vision, someone was crouched over. It was the man in the black hoodie, his gun no longer occupying his hand instead both his hands were pushing towards her body a numbing pressure bloomed across her nerves.

“You weren’t supposed to be here. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” His frantic voice pleading.

The young woman wanted to roar back at him. But in her weak state, she could only look at herself dying in the reflection of his eyes.

Posted Sep 22, 2025
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8 likes 1 comment

Ted Pfeiffer
12:13 Oct 02, 2025

I really liked the emotion and atmosphere in this. The ending has a quiet intensity that stuck with me. One thing I did notice, though, is that the transitions between scenes are a bit abrupt. It’s sometimes hard to tell when or how we’ve moved from one perspective or place to another, which makes the pacing feel a little jumpy. Just a few grounding details or clearer cues would help a lot. But overall, it’s got a strong foundation and some really striking moments. It just needs a bit more clarity to let those moments fully land.

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