The Actor’s Dilemma

“Thank you for that moving monologue, Stephanie.”

The blonde woman wiped her tears away as she sat down with the rest of the class.

“That will be all we have time for today. Don’t forget to break a leg!” The teacher smiled widely.

The students began to gather their things, but Owen took his time. Once they had all left, he made his way to the teacher’s desk. She had her head down toward her bag.

“Missy?” he asked, tentatively.

Missy’s head shot upward. “Owen! Sorry, you startled me. What do you need?” Her smile spread from cheek to cheek once more, forcing her eyes to almost close.

“Well, I was recently cast in a show-”

“Oh, congratulations!” She clapped her hands and clasped one within the other. “What’s the part?”

Owen flushed with embarrassment. “It’s just an ensemble part but I’m also the understudy for one of the main characters. I asked the director for feedback on my audition, and he told me that I needed to connect with my character more because ‘he just couldn’t believe me’. Do you have any advice on how to do that?”

Missy’s smile was replaced with a look of consternation. “The advice that I would give you is to find common ground with your character. What is a true reaction you’ve had that coincides with how your character might react?” Her eyes got wide. She dug through her bag and pulled out a book. “There’s a technique in this book that you might like. The basis of it is this: acting is behaving truthfully under imaginary circumstances. I hope that can help you!”

Owen accepted the book as it was thrust into his hands. Behaving truthfully…? Before he knew it, he had ridden the bus all the way back to his apartment, picked up his script, and plopped down on the couch next to his roommate, Randy. Randy was currently playing a video game which meant it was the perfect time for Owen to talk at him.

“How am I supposed to connect with this guy?” Owen blurted as he read the script for the fifth time that week. He wassitting with his elbows on his knees, hunching forward so the script was close to his face. He hoped that it would help him understand it better, though he knew that was wrong. “The character is a criminal with nothing to lose. The worst thing I’ve done is sneak a beer at Miranda’s grad party and realize I don’t even like alcohol! Also all of my brothers, parents, AND grandparents are still alive.” Owen fell backwards into the cushions, accepting his fate. “I have so much to-!”

“YES! FINALLY! SUCK IT!” Randy laughed as he dropped the controller on his lap, flopping backwards next to Owen. He looked over at his friend in crisis. “Oh, sorry, man. I’ve been working on that level all day.”

“Oh yeah? How’s the job search going?” Owen asked.

“It goes. So, what’s the problem with the character? You don’t like him or something?” Randy piled a handful of chips into his mouth and sat forward with his controller again.

“It’s not that I don’t like him, I just don’t get him. How am I supposed to pretend to be somebody I don’t understand?”

“Isn’t this what you’re supposed to be learning in your acting class?”

Owen punched him in the arm.

“Ow, dude!” Randy paused the game. “Alright, you don’t understand him. Who cares? I’ve sat next to you on this very couch and watched you hyper-analyze a million different performances of a ton of characters. Just pick one of those and copy it!” He resumed his game. “And it’s not like you are going to be onstage as that character anyway. You’re just the understudy!”

Owen got up and went to his room. He laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He had tried Missy’s method and couldn’t find the common ground. He had already tried Randy’s idea weeks ago. Nothing worked.

Maybe Randy was right, Owen thought, I specifically wasn’t cast in that role because I wasn’t good enough to get it. Why was I even pursuing this? If I can’t figure out a way to make one director believe me, then how am I supposed to trick an entire audience into doing it? Owen resolved that after this show closed, he’d try to get a “real job”.

Owen drifted off to sleep. His stress subsided for the night and his dreams became vivid. He sat in an empty movie theater. He had a large bucket of popcorn in his lap. He reached in to grab some as a non-descript movie played. He reached into the bucket and moved his hand around but just couldn’t find any popcorn. Suddenly, he heard a phone ringing and turned around. A shadowy figure was in the far back row. He looked back to the popcorn bucket and reached down as far as he could. The bottom of the bucket fell through and he started to fall down a very deep hole, the ringing phone getting louder in his ears.

Owen lurched forward out of sleep. As he oriented himself back to reality, he still heard the phone ringing. He even felt the vibrations from it nearby. He looked next to him on the bed and grabbed his phone. The director was calling. He answered.

“Hello?” Owen did his best to not sound like he just woke up.

“Finally! Owen, you need to get down here right away and get into rehearsals with Allie. You’re on tonight.”

Owen’s heart sank. “What? What happened to Mason?”

“It’s a long story but let’s just say I’ll forbid my leading men to SCUBA DIVE THE DAY BEFORE OPENING NIGHT FROM NOW ON!”

Owen pulled the phone away from his ear as she started to yell. “Is he okay?”

“Owen, I’ll answer any questions you have once you get-actually, no I won’t. Just get your butt down here or I will drag you from your crappy apartment myself!” With that, the director hung up. Owen was pretty sure she continued using a flip phone for her business calls just so she could dramatically snap it closed at the end. He had seen her do it during rehearsals and knew this moment ended in a snap.

He jumped out of bed and brought his shirt to his nose. He needed to change.

He found a change of clothes that he deemed clean enoughand put on deodorant as he raced to catch the bus. They almost closed the doors on him, but he wiggled through just in time.

“If you get your arm stuck, don’t blame me.” The driver’s raspy voice grated in Owen’s ears as she closed the doors. He wondered how many cigarettes she must have smoked in her lifetime to make her voice sound like a rusty chainsaw.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Krystal.”

Owen impatiently waited for his stop and got off the bus. “Always a pleasure,” he said as he saluted Krystal. She waved him away as he raced into the building in front of the bus stop.

He had barely put his stuff backstage when he heard his name.

“OWEN, I SAW YOU WALK IN!”

He quickly made his way to the stage to find the director and his new scene partner, Allie, talking. Allie waved at him and the director turned around.

“Owen, I need to see you know your blocking for tonight. We’re going to go from the middle of scene 2, when your characters first meet. Owen, this is the first time the audience sees your character. Let them see you. Help them feel for Chester and know his pain.”

“I’ve actually been meaning to ask-“

“No time. We open in four hours. Scene 2.”

Allie’s natural smile helped Owen feel a little bit better. She was one of the kinder actors he’d gotten to work with in the past few years. Her talent was undeniable. In that moment, he watched her face shift from her usual softness to a hardened ex-wife. Owen was intimidated by her but felt like he couldn’t let her down. He had to at least try to rise to her level to sell the scenes.

After almost two hours of running scenes, the director called it. “That will have to do. Owen?” The director gestured him over. She put her hands on his shoulders. “As you’re getting ready, do me a favor: listen to your character. Let his story flow through you. I can give you all the blocking in the world but only you can bring him to life. And right now? He’s on life support and I’m debating whether or not to pull the plug.” She lightly smacked his right cheek twice as she gave him a pained smile.

As she walked away, Owen felt the last bit of wind leave his sails. I think I’ll apply to Walmart first.

“Hey.”

Owen turned around to see Allie. “Hey.”

“You did a really good job up there. That character can’t be easy.”

“Yeah…definitely tougher than I expected.”

Allie gave him a half-smile and exhaled. “Can I give you a piece of advice?”

Owen was taken aback by the request. “I’m all ears. I’ll try just about anything at this point.”

“A lot of people will tell you to try to relate to the character or feel their feelings. That’s great advice when you have experience with the situations you’re acting out, but it doesn’t work when you have no clue what those situations might feel like. I’m lucky enough to have parents that love each other and no divorce in my family, but I have to be an angry, volatile ex-wife that is probably capable of killing you. Your character.”

“What I’m trying to say is that if you have no experience to draw from, create it. Look at everything you know about your character and fill in the gaps. Get creative. You don’t truly get it, so you have to act harder than you ever have before. Lie. I know you can do it.”

Allie smiled at Owen as she grabbed his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. He was left standing in the theater alone. Lie. Of course. He realized that he forgot the basis of what he was doing. He was acting. Pretending. Lying!

Owen went backstage and prepared for opening night. Cast members filtered through, wishing him many broken legs as they got themselves ready. He reviewed his lines, and it was time to get to their starting places before he knew it. The first scene flew by, and his entrance was coming quickly.

Lie. Lie through your teeth.

He stared at the crowd and told the biggest lie of his life.