For Petunia.

School was on a two-hour delay, but Evelyn was still awake at the usual time sipping coffee. It was rare that her five-year-old daughter Sophie slept past 7:30, so she was taking in the silence while she could, going over her mental checklist. Things that needed to be done that day (pay bills, go grocery shopping, stop by pharmacy) as well as things that needed to be done that week. She inhaled deeply, shut her eyes and held it for a few seconds before exhaling and opening them again. There was a lot to do and her small window of time had gotten smaller. This delay had caused her to lose a couple hours’ worth of time for getting stuff done. Errands were so much easier, and faster, if she got to do them without dragging a five-year-old with her. She snapped herself out of thinking about the to-do list, gulped down the last bit of her coffee and started on breakfast.

Like clockwork, Evelyn could hear tiny footsteps coming down the hall a few moments later. In a soft, groggy tone, Sophie greeted her mother, “good morning mommy.”

“Good morning petunia” she replied in a cheerful tone, “want some pancakes?”

Sophie nodded while scooting a chair over to where her mother was cooking. She climbed up to watch, getting more alert with each passing moment.

“Can you do Mickey Mouse with blueberries?” she eagerly asked. All signs of sleepiness were now completely gone.

“Already got the blueberries out babe,” pointing over to a container on the counter. “All that’s left to do is put Mickey together, you can put the blueberries on him.”

Sophie placed each blueberry carefully in its place before letting her mother pour the syrup. Once the syrup was on however, she quickly devoured Mickey Mouse. Watching her daughter take the last bite, she said to her “Now go and brush your teeth baby while mommy cleans this up.” She had everything cleaned and put away when she noticed she hadn’t heard anything from Sophie. Walking down the hallway she called out to her and asked what she was into, being pleasantly surprised when she found her in her room playing. “Brush your teeth?” she asked while searching through clothes for an outfit. She forgot to lay one out the night before like she normally did.

“Yes mommy.” Sophie responded without even glancing up from her paper she was coloring on.

Motioning for her to come over to where she was, Evelyn kept her tone playful while saying “Well get over here and let’s get dressed petunia.” She handed her the clothes and instructed her to put them on. Now it was her turn to get dressed. She walked into her room and checked the time. “Thirty minutes.” She muttered to herself, making her way to her closet. Sophie made her way into her mothers’ room, showing that she was dressed and ready. Once Evelyn finished, she grabbed the hairbrush from her dresser to put Sophie’s hair up into a ponytail, then they both walked back down the hall to the living room to watch for the bus.

Once Sophie had gone, Evelyn went back to her room to apply a light layer of make-up to liven up the jeans and sweatshirt combo she had on and pulled out her daily mood chart to fill in the slots up to that point. Next came her sleep diaries for the previous night and that morning, followed by updating her weekly schedule. This charting was filled out every day. It was tedious and time consuming but necessary. Errands were always stressful for her especially if she had to go to a place that was particularly busy.

Evelyn had Bipolar I disorder, which was why simple tasks could be a dreaded experience. Working was extremely difficult a lot of the time, but she managed to hold down a job. Mostly she had to pay her bills in payments, or late, and hated when the tellers would holler this information out. It embarrassed her. It was one of the main reasons she preferred going without Sophie because her anxiety would spike higher being embarrassed in front of her. She may just be five, but she picked up on these emotions. She already knew how mommy was “sick” a lot which was why she was more self-sufficient for her age. Evelyn was proud her daughter could do these things on her own, yet ashamed because of how she had to do these things on her own some days.

She always had her list with her when she went to the grocery store. Her life seemed to be made up of lists and charts anymore. Grocery shopping was probably her least favorite thing and she finished as quickly as she could. Her doctor appointments twice a month for both psychiatrist and counselor meant monthly prescription pick-ups at the pharmacy where she also felt uncomfortable. She always walked in nervous about having to say out loud what kind prescriptions she was there for and people tend to misinterpret the definition of anti-psychotics. People misinterpreted her illness in general.

When she got back from running her errands, she had about an hour and a half left before Sophie would be home. She was having one of her good days where she wasn’t so drained after running around all day. She picked up around the house, did the dishes and then watched an episode of a show she recently got hooked on. When the episode finished, Sophie’s bus was coming up the road. Evelyn went on the porch and watched her get off the bus. Sophie walked around the bus and across the road, taking her time getting to the porch where her mother stood waiting. “Hello petunia,” she greeted in a sing song voice, “how was your day?”

“Good.” Was all she said as she went straight for the door to go inside.

“Learn anything?” Evelyn asked as she held the door open for her to go through.

Throwing her backpack on the coffee table she replied “Yes.”

Evelyn was shutting the door behind them when she asked, “Well, what did you learn?”

“I don’t remember.” Sophie stated in a matter of fact tone as she stripped her shoes and socks off.

Evelyn laughed to herself, rolled her eyes and thought how this child was so smart and capable yet so clueless. She watched her put her shoes away and reminded her to take her socks to the hamper.

“Wanna help make dinner petunia?” she asked as she came back down the hall.

After dinner they did homework, drawing four pictures that began with the letter R and watched a movie after. It was time to brush teeth again and get changed back into pajamas. When Sophie was settled in for the night, Evelyn began her nightly routine. She had a strict sleep schedule to help maintain her episodes, same time to bed and to wake up, so her routine was like a count down. She went into her room to complete her daily mood charts then take her medications. Make-up came off, teeth and hair were brushed. Then she settled in bed where she wrote in her journal.

Every day was nowhere near this easy, but some days were. Her petunia made it worth it, even on the bad days. It was all for her petunia.