End Out the Year

Ending Out the Year

By Connie Hieb

01.05.2023

Hi! My name is Baylee and I am an older lady, whom lost her soul mate, best friend, and husband several years ago. I raised our young son Onzee, without his best buddy, Daddy. It wasn’t easy at all for either of us.

In Onzee’s teenage years, he still referred to my husband as Daddy. That is all he knew him by, he also had a Cedar box I had given him to store his treasures of him and his Daddy, and he called it his Daddy box.

So many had opinions on how to raise a young boy without any Daddy or any help. 

They had no idea how hard it was to discipline a child who had just (and even later) lost his father.

No matter what the situation was, it just seemed like I was punishing him for losing my husband.

As the years went on and Onzee grew, life became very empty for me.  I tried dating apps and OMG, what a mistake. The men I met was so, so not what I was looking for. I tried blind dates set up by my friends, they really don’t know me I thought. I tried going to different Churches, movies, bingo, and still no luck. I joined a few different groups and still just nothing.

I threw myself into well myself, I guess. Sewing, crafts and even just working all the time. That really wasn’t doing anything for me except exhaustion. I just settled for one day at a time. Days went by, weeks went by, then years and more years and now I am a senior. I stopped at a café/bar one day after work to grab a bite to eat. I had stopped into this particular place a couple other times. This time, however, a man came over and introduced himself to me, his name was Jack, tall, dark and good looking. We began meeting at this place on certain days and we became friends, along with some of his other friends, as I am new to the area I didn’t have any friends yet. That is as far as I wanted to go.  As it turns out he has had a different turn then me. Although we had both said we are not looking for any relationship at all. We had agreed.

He fell for me, as far as I could tell, for no reason. He would say don’t break my heart. I am like I haven’t done anything, I can’t have anything to do with breaking your heart. I have tried to get to know him and I really don’t think he is what I am looking for, if I am even looking. We don’t have much in common that I can tell or have found so far. I certainly do not want to settle, life is far too short to do that.

We have done a few different things like, taking a ride over to a couple different beaches. Talking and asking questions, trying to get to know each other.  

Maybe, I am just messed up. I don’t know, I have some hang ups on some of his hygiene and habits and noisy eating. How do I ever let someone know this, to let him know that I am not into him, especially like he is into me? I have been trying to step back some and distance myself. 

Nothing has seemed to work about changing Jack’s mind about me. 

Months have went by now and he just seems way to head over heels about me. His daughter even has told him he needs to step back. But he is not good at doing so.

We are coming to the close of the year and I have not changed my mind, nor has he I guess. We went to a Christmas party together, can’t say it was much fun actually. He’s needy I think and that doesn’t work for me. I should not be with someone who is taking more than giving. If a relationship is more one sided than the other, what kind of relationship is that? Even if it is just friendship, why should anyone put more into a relationship then what they are getting in return? I have a short time on earth left and I just don’t want to waste anytime not being happy.

Jack and I went to a movie together. It was an ok time as friends go, at least for me. But I just feel like I am wasting my time. As friends no, but as any kind of relationship goes. What should I do?

As I mentioned earlier, I work a lot, and I was supposed to work Christmas Eve Day and Christmas day, however, they closed on Christmas Eve Day because of weather. I did not see Jack over Christmas Holiday and that was fine with me. He went out of town to spend time with his family. 

We met a couple of times at the normal place and had a few drinks between Christmas and New Year’s.

I also worked New Year’s Eve Day and New Year’s Day. But Jack showed up at my door on New Year’s Eve after I was home from work. I couldn’t believe it. We had not made any plans to see each other until after the first week of January. We sat and talked, watch some TV and passed some time away.

As the night drew on, there came a knock on my door. I had no idea who it could be. It ended up being a friend of mine dropping in to give me a New Year’s present. He had brought me a puppy. I was thrilled. He didn’t stay very long, just long enough to drop off the puppy and all his bowls, blankets, toys, food, leash and such. After he left, all my focus was on the puppy and I was so happy.

I guess maybe Jack saw the difference in me and he could see how much more the puppy had made me happy then he had. He left shortly afterward and I didn’t think anything about it. Till the next evening after I got home from work and saw a small gift sitting on my bookshelf. I didn’t know what to do. Should I call Jack, or pretend I hadn’t saw it? What was it? I couldn’t even go there, I certainly did not feel the same as Jack, and I knew that. But how could Jack not know? I certainly had told him many times that I was not into him as much as he was into me. I wouldn’t even let him say I was his girlfriend, because I didn’t feel that at all. 

He set me up, I feel. Now his heart is broken and I didn’t have a chance not to break it.

Needless to say my New Year’s Eve midnight kiss was from my new puppy and that made me happy.