SOUL IN THE MIRROR

My novel SOUL IN THE MIRROR was hard work for over a year. It reflected a part of my life and I thought I had done a good job in my writing. I requested an acquaintance Lola Marquez – a popular book reviewer – to read the draft of my novel and comment. She agreed and at the end of almost two weeks I got her review. I was shocked as it was unflattering! I studied her comments comparing them mentally with what I had in mind as I had composed the work:

Lola’s comment: This is a novel and not an autobiography. Title needs to be changed into something that could presage a mystery or perhaps hint at some intrigue like CONFESSIONS OF ALBERT.

“Your hero Albert”: You’ve given him a masculine identity as regards height, weight, receding hairline, whiskers and beard but he lacks courage. He is top man in his firm and takes decisions. When the accountant in his firm has been proved guilty of defalcation of funds he hasn’t shown his mettle by instantly firing the man. Again when he sees a trouble -maker throwing stones at his parked car breaking the windscreen, he merely takes a photo of the man and the damage and sends it to the police. Why didn’t he catch hold of the criminal and thrash him? The police later say the man was mentally deranged and also drunk.

“Train accident account”: Albert and an old lady occupy adjoining berths on a train journey. The train is going at full speed but the description in the novel doesn’t show it. There is an accident and both Albert and the old lady are thrown from their berths. Albert is slightly bruised but doesn’t immediately go to help the old lady. It is done after a while as though in afterthought. The description of the damaged compartment isn’t convincing.

“Philanthropy”: Albert has been made out to be a donor in every case where money is sought. He has only to be approached and he gives lavishly! His munificence is endless. This cannot be and sounds artificial. Albert says he doesn’t let his left hand know what his right hand gives. Then how will people recognize his philanthropy? Remember even in Nature when the rain god gives rain he makes it known by thundering.

“Albert and Sybil”: Albert falls in love with Sybil. There is no romance, scenes of getting together and tender moments of longing. The descriptions of her are wanting. You write about the clothes she wears. Those are not mod. She should have been made more appealing to reader. You seem to be afraid of writing sex scenes. The few you have used reveal you are apologetic about sexual encounters in bed. Your approach to Sybil in bed wouldn’t have been stimulating to her from what you have written! You have written that someone in Albert’s office had been found guilty of demanding sex from an underling. Sybil asks details but you are unable to tell her all to avoid prurience. You must be manly and not put details like these under the carpet if your novel is to sell.

“Albert’s indecision”: Albert is the top man of the company. He has to decide about enhanced wages or employees threaten to go to on strike. He is seen to be afraid of taking a decision in this matter though it is obvious he has to expect some interruption in work. You have made it look like Albert is pleading with representatives of the employees not to strike. He needs to be tough minded.

“Albert and Ivy”: Albert is targeted by Ivy, head of a computer firm working for Albert’s company. She tries many ways to trap Albert. She arranges a party for her birthday where she appears showing vast cleavage. Albert notices it and feels that it was shameful. A woman’s pride and her flaunting it to attract the male is ignored! Albert seems afraid of Ivy and wants to hide so that he won’t be compromised. When both of them have to go to London on work for a short spell he seeks the help of his friend’s mother who is settled in London to escape from Ivy. Both Albert and Ivy have to travel to the Netherlands and there they take a boat ride on the river by night. Ivy pretends to be sick and he has to take her for medical assistance. He is left alone with her and wishes his wife had been able to travel with him. Ivy’s attempts to have an affair with him fail. What Albert doesn’t realise is that Ivy could have by herself announced that he had sought her to have an affair. These are matters which happen everywhere and shouldn’t be considered as major. In fact the novel could have been made more interesting if Ivy had been really involved in an affair with Albert. As I have said the character of Albert should be recast to make the novel interesting.

“Comments on writing”: The novel is commonplace with no peaking points to make it racy. What is the genre of your book? It isn’t a love story. It isn’t about betrayal of the spouse. If you were a diarist and had truthfully recorded events daily, that record is reflected in this novel. There are no descriptions of the atmosphere or of scenery around. You have made it to look like Albert has reached the top of the firm by sheer serendipity. No reader would like to identify himself with Albert. Of course there is an occasional flash of good writing but it isn’t sufficient to satisfy a discriminating reader. It is more or less a matter of fact rendition of events. After reading it I asked myself how the blurb would describe the work. It would be difficult to write!  I also imagined an illustration for the cover:  It would be simple: A well-dressed company executive seated on a chair in front of a computer as a sexy woman tries to distract! Your draft needs substantial revision, and considerable editing to make it print worthy and appeal to readers.

Lola had ended it saying “authors usually seek praise, not criticism. But I have done my job impartially”. I sat depressed after having read Lola’s review. Over one year’s hard work has gone to waste! Can I rewrite it? Or should I get it completed by getting it ghost written? But I have exorcised all ghosts! I have to redo the draft. I am determined to do it and dear readers you will find my novel CONFESSIONS OF ALBERT in the market in due course. I felt Lola had done a good job of reviewing my work and thanked her for it. She said “I hope you aren’t disheartened” I assured her I wasn’t. Was I true in saying it?

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