The emails about my grandmother

Dear Charlie,

There is something not right with me. I’m not sure what it is. The doctor keeps telling me but I never remember what he says. It is not right that they are keeping me here. It is like a prison, they are watching me every day, every moment forcing food down my throat every second. Why can’t they just leave me alone? I can look after myself. Why don’t you ever come and visit me? Anyway, love to your mum. Hope to see you soon.

 Love,

 Gran

 Hi Gran,

 Don’t worry you are not in prison. You are in a care home. Mum had to put you in a couple of years ago because she could not look after you anymore. Gran, they are just looking after you. Please don’t worry. Did you eat the chocolates I brought you two days ago already? I’ll bring some up next week.

 See you soon and lots of love,

 Charlie

 Hi Uncle Ben,

 Hope you are holding up okay? How’s the therapy going? I know, you said you didn’t want contact with us anymore after Mum’s death but I need your advice about something. Gran doesn’t remember that Mum died last year even though I keep telling her. Her dementia is getting worse. Should I tell her or just play along with Gran’s version of reality? Please come and see us soon. We’re going up to Mum’s grave next week, maybe come up with us?

 Hope to hear from you soon,

 Charlie

 Dear Charlie,

 What do you mean I’m in a care home? Why? Your mum was always crazy and selfish. What is she doing, leaving me here? You know what, I don’t want to see her anymore. Make sure, you bring my chocolates next week. They feed us dog food here. I’ve been alive eighty-seven years and I can’t even be treated with respect when I’m about to hit the grave? Bloody hell.

 See you soon,

 Gran

 Gran,

 I’m coming up tomorrow, as something really bad has happened. We couldn’t get hold of Uncle Ben so we won’t over to his house and we had to call the police. He was on the floor, clutching his whisky glass, the one he loved. He…. I’ll see you soon Gran.

 Charlie

 Dear Charlie,

 This is Isabel, the care home manager. We just wanted to offer you our condolences on your uncle’s death. We are concerned as your grandmother is not eating at the moment. She refuses anything we offer and now has taken to locking her door at all times. We try to force it open, we have the key, but she piles up suitcases on the inside and we can’t get in. So we have to coax her out of the room saying her children have come to visit her. As she does not remember that they have passed away, she often comes out of her room. However, when she realises that they are not present she becomes angry and now has become verbally abusive towards the member of staff. It is upsetting for the staff and patients. If this continues, we can not keep her here anymore as she has become disruptive and abusive. Please feel free to give me a call at any time if you would like to discuss this further or stick your head around my office door. Again, very sorry to hear about your uncle.

 Best wishes,

 Isabel

 Dear Isabel,

 I am distressed to hear this about my grandmother. This suggests that her dementia has rapidly become worse. She used to do this at home, pack her bags, it became so bad that the fire brigade said that her room was a fire hazard. We thought that putting her in a home would calm her down or that there were professionals who could subdue her. Clearly not. I will discuss it with my sister and get back to you.

 My apologies,

 Charlie

 Dear Isabel,

 My name is Rosie and we met when I first put my grandmother into a home. Charlie has shown me your letter and I think that it is substandard that you cannot do anything about my poor grandmother. Can you not give her some medication or warm milk or something to ease her mind?

 As a care home, you should be adept at dealing with this, this being confused elderly people who just need a little bit of reassurance? She can’t hurt you, she is too weak to. So stop treating her like some animal baiting her to come out of her room. Please give me a call so we can discuss this further. My grandmother will not be kicked out of your incompetent care home.

 Rosie

 Hi Gran,

 Just to let you know that Rosie and I are coming up to visit on Saturday. Would you like us to bring anything up?

 Love,

 Charlie

 Dear Charlie,

 That’s lovely that you are coming up. Make sure you bring me a handsaw, some rope and a pair of handcuffs. I’m getting out of here. Say hi to your mum for me.

 Love,

 Gran

 Charlie,

 I can’t believe Gran did not remember me. I only saw her a month ago. She has gone downhill so much since then. Charlie, I am really worried about her. She clearly had not had a shower in a while, the room looked like a rubbish tip and she refused to eat anything. I mean what if this is it? What if this is the end? I hate to be so morbid but you saw her yourself. Oh god, Charlie, I’m not sure I can take another death in the family. Oh god, what should we do? They will kick her out and neither of us can look after her properly. We are absolutely screwed.

 R

 Rosie,

 I just got off the phone with Isabel we need to race down there. Gran’s fallen out of a chair. She is being taken to St Thomas’s. See you shortly. C

 Hi Gran,

 How are you feeling after the operation on your hip? We try and visit every day but due to coronavirus, neither of us are allowed to see you. Let us know if you need anything and we will leave it in reception for you. Hope you are not in too much pain.

 Lots of love,

 Rosie and Charlie

 Hi, darlings,

 I have finally escaped that awful prison. The food is so much nicer here and literally no one talks to me all day. It is heaven. They have the television on all the time so I just watch that. My legs are really weak though because I spend all day lying in bed but I do not have anywhere to go. I haven’t seen you two in ages. Your mum came up yesterday and we had a lovely wee chat. Anyway, must go Midsomer Murders is on.

 Love,

 Gran

 Hi Gran,

 Just had a call from the hospital saying you are not eating again. Is everything alright?

 Charlie

 Charlie,

 My mother cooks for me every day so I do not need to eat this awful dog food. Vera told me that the bomb shelter at the end of the street was destroyed last night. Absolutely awful.

 Gran

 Hi Gran,

 Its Rosie. We are allowed to see you for five minutes today. Would you like anything at all?

 Love,

 Rosie

 Charlie,

 Some woman called Rosie is contacting me for no reason. I don’t know who she is, tell her to stop contacting me.

 Gran

 Charlie,

 She does not know who I am at all. This is awful. Honestly, I cried the whole way home as my own gran does not recognise me. My kids want to go and see her but if she doesn’t remember me how will she remember them? I just had to tell them that because of corona she is not allowed more than two visitors. Oh god, this is just awful. On top of the year that we just have had, this now. I genuinely can’t take any more. It is making me too stressed to see my gran like this. Oh, I hope that some cure is found for dementia soon. My stress levels have sky-rocketed and they won’t come down until I know she is okay. But she will never be okay, will she? Charlie, should we arrange to meet with the doctor again? Maybe he could put her on some medication. There has got to be something that can be done. Sorry, I know I am just ranting at you which is probably not very helpful but I can’t explain it to my kids and Mark is too concerned with the fact that he has been on furlough to offer any emotional support. You probably have your problems. Let me know if you need help with anything.

 Love, Rosie

Dear Charlie,

I am writing to you because we need to know whether your grandmother, Audrey, will be returning to our care home. We need to lease the room if she is not returning so please let us know what will happen.

Best wishes,

Isabel

Dear Isabel,

we are unsure as to what is happening with my grandmother. She fractured her hip bone after the fall and the hospital is saying that she will require a chair that has more support for her. Can we contact you by the end of the week as we should know by then whether my grandmother will be strong enough to leave the hospital?

Charlie

Dear Charles,

We have a long waiting list for potential residents so could you please inform us of what is happening?

Isabel

Dear Charles,

This is a final letter. If you do not immediately contact us your grandmother’s room will be emptied and her belongings shall be put into the bin. This is urgent.

Isabel

Dear Isabel,

I find your tone completely unreasonable. My sister and I are dealing with the situation by ourselves with no help from anyone and you are harassing us about a room. This is unacceptable and I will be writing to higher management. This hospital said she will have to stay for a little while longer so I will collect her things tonight seeing as this is so urgent to you. We thank you for your non-assistance during this difficult time.

Charles

Hi Charlie,

It’s your gran. When are you going to come and visit me? I really want to go home but I am in so much pain that I often can’t move around much. Dearie me, your mother is a right handful. Only yesterday, she was telling me that you were off to university and I can’t believe I have not seen you in so long. And where is your sister? She never comes to visit me, selfish cow. I had some really nice shepherd's pie last night. It was so nice that the pain went away for a little bit. Remind me when you come down to see me that we must go to the garden centre. I want to plant some bulbs in time for winter.

See you soon dearie,

Gran

Hi Rosie,

It was nice to see you at the funeral last night. Haven’t seen each other for almost two years. It was a lovely eulogy you gave and I know that Gran would have appreciated it. Do come round for a meal at some point when this whole business is over. Give my love to the kids and tell Mark if he ever needs to talk he can give me a ring.

Love,

Charlie

Hi Gran,

I know that you are gone and probably will never get this but I just wanted to say that I love you and I am so sorry that you suffered that way in the end. You did not even recognise me in the end,. It must be so terrifying not being able to recognise people or forgetting who you are. I hope you are happy wherever you are and God bless you, Gran.

Lots of love forever,

Charlie