This story contains mild offensive language
There comes a time in life, after the wonder and mystery of adolescence has receded into only the deepest corners of our memories, when the truth of one’s intention calls to action a dire decision. Greek mythology teaches us about the idea of twin flames; when the Great Spirit, or God, took a soul and split it in half. The twins are drawn to one another, they feel familiar and in tune with the very beat of the other’s heart. A fantasy of a thought unless of course, you have had a chance to love your twin flame. A twin flame does not always have to be a romantic relationship, it just means your souls are mirror images of one another. Often, the flames will have the same interests, passions, and hobbies. They will, too, have a deeper connection than the average pair.
My twin flame was not a romantic relationship, it was a sisterly love like none other I had ever known. Draped in a pastel-like haze as if from a dream of deep slumber, the love and adventure we embarked upon together feels distant and fuzzy.
Just two young, doe-eyed children with big dreams for the future, we found comfort and healing in one another’s companionship. We shared hopes of possible plans, wild ideas, we shared favorite childhood toys, we shared secrets and also fears. As we grew into young women, we shared a love for makeup, boys, musicals and our sisterhood.
As I am now flicking through the vast library of memories I have stored with my twin flame, one pops up and stands out to me so much, being one of our last together. Studying it now, I am more certain as to why our hearts' chord was cut by the fiery flames of fate.
The last and most painful chapter of our story starts somewhere in 2016. I was nineteen years old, my twin flame was eighteen. It is my wish to keep the true party anonymous, so, we shall enter a pseudonym here. It seems fitting to name my twin flame Destiny since, it is afterall, my destiny to move on in life without her. The hot, August breeze swept away any care or worry for either of us, on this day. For years we would have a daily stroll, we would laugh, cry, curse the world, or just listen in silence. Sometimes it was the only time we would see each other, still, once a day is a large number unless you consider the fact that sweet Destiny was also my neighbor who resided just down the road. Her life was troubled, as was mine in different ways, we bonded over the forced maturity of our ten-year-old selves. After our walk on that hot August day, Destiny informed me she was moving away with her mom. In a matter of seconds, my only close, real friend would be moving over six hours away.
“I don’t have the means to stay here. I would if I could.” Destiny told me. “If I do go though, I can go to college there. They have a theater program!” I remember seeing the fire in her warm, honey-brown eyes. I knew once those fires were lit she would be soaring on the wings of passion, never to set foot on Earth again. I was happy for her, but was already mourning the daily walks, the ability to aimlessly stroll down the road and end up knocking on her door.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, Destiny! I’m going to miss you, though.” I remember telling her as we hugged before going our separate ways for the day.
Even now, I am overcome with flashbacks of our adventures and chaos. My time without her was empty and dull. We spoke on the phone and texted often, however it was no replacement for her, in person, us, together. She eventually went back to school and I remember hearing about the new things she had learned and how much she really loved the theater.
Our friendship did not come without some minor bumps, and some bigger hurdles before the day that time cracked for us. There were incidents before that tested our friendship and even sought to destroy it. Rumors, false accusations, name calling, and plain bullying were in no short supply in the time that fell vacant between our unitedness. When we were cruel, we were darkley cruel to one another. However, when we loved, we loved each other fiercely and honestly. Love, as I would come to realize as an adult, is not conditional, and does not turn off and on like a light switch.
On that sad day, I remember her voice. She had been gone for about two years at this point, I had a steady six-day-a-week job, and she was in school and also working.
“Please, come down for my birthday next weekend! I’ve decided to have a party since it’s my twenty-first!” Destiny begged me. I stood in front of my calendar, flipping the page to see the first week in July.
“Dee, I’m so sorry but I have to work through next weekend. Can we celebrate in a few weeks when I can get some time off?” I tried to mediate, met with cold silence from the other end.
“I guess. I just wanted you to meet all the friends I’ve made here and celebrate with me on my real birthday.” Destiny stated shallowly.
“I really am sorry, but when I asked you at the beginning of the month what you were planning you said nothing. How long have you been planning a party?” I asked, curious if I was even a first thought in her plans, or a last thought she felt obligated to drag along.
“Just since last night, one of my friends here convinced me to have one.” I heard a muffled giggle and some garbled words on the other end. “So, you’re gonna let me down?” She asked finally.
“What? Dee, I have to work. I can’t just drop everything at my job and say ‘Hey-a, boss, I won't be in for a few days, my sister who lives six hours away is throwing a birthday rager and she really wants me there.’ It doesn’t work like that, I thought you would have known that best.” I’ll admit, a little harsh but she started throwing an attitude first.
“I just can’t believe you won’t even do this for me.” She spit words of fire at me through the phone. I felt like she really wasn’t hearing me.
“Dee, I have to work. I want to be there, but I can’t. If I don’t show up, I’ll get fired! My boss has a zero-tolerance policy on missing shifts.” I explained again. “I can come down in two or three weeks, though, when I have some time to put in for a few days off. Then we can celebrate!” Again, silence was my greeting to the next, and most painful part of the phone call.
“You’re such a kiss-ass.” Destiny threw knives at my heart. Why was my best friend, who was like my sister for fourteen years saying these things?
“What?” I finally squeaked out, I was stunned.
“I’m literally always the one doing things for you. You can’t even come see me for my birthday? I just came to visit you for Christmas and the New Year.” She bitterly spat.
“Destiny!” I tried to interject, to calm her down and bring her to her senses. “It’s me you’re talking to! You mean more to me than anything, of course I want to come see you!” I was yelling, not out of anger but out of desperation to be heard, out of pain and out of heartbreak.
“If you can’t make it to my party next weekend, then don’t bother coming at all. You’re such a let down.” She mumbled the last few words, maybe only half-hoping I would hear that part.
“Won’t you be back to see your dad? Your grandparents?” I asked, hoping I could suggest a get together with everyone.
“There’s nothing for me there anymore.” Her icy cold words came through to my ear, the bitterness clung to me like frostbite on the toes of a lost hiker in the Alaskan mountain range.
“Oh.” I quietly replied, nothing more needed to be said. I was broken. No words were spoken for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was probably only thirty seconds or so.
“Happy Birthday, Destiny. Be safe.” I finally broke the silence, tears started to build up in my eyes, as I pulled the phone away from my ear, and hung up the call. There was no returned call, no follow up texts, until about a year after it happened.
Then, I realized the path she was going down was not the path I was intended for. My morals and her morals no longer aligned. There comes a time in life, after the wonder and mystery of adolescence has receded into only the deepest corners of our memories, when the truth of one’s intention calls to action a dire decision. My decision, my final choice was to continue on my path and grow spiritually, learn to love myself first. Recalling those bumps and bigger hurdles, foul and toxic words were spilled over each other’s wounded hearts. Each of us were careless, and thoughtless with the other’s emotions at times.
Through the fire and wind of life, some people will enter to walk our path only to find out they were there to teach us a harsh and imperative lesson. Others will enter and stay for good. Not every twin flame or soulmate will be fortunate enough to find one another. I, however, was fortunate enough to meet and marry my soulmate, but was somewhat unfortunate enough to meet and also love my twin flame for a time. I feel the disconnection of our souls and sisterhood has split beyond repair, and I am not confident our future paths will cross. Losing someone who was so close to your soul, the very center of your being, is an experience I would not wish on anyone.