Quasi Emo

Quasi Emo

Let me tell you about an exciting place. A place where you can go if you need to cry or scream or do anything else you need to get your negative emotions out without fear of judgment or someone telling you that you are wrong for being you and feeling the way that you feel.

A thought is a thought. A feeling is a feeling. There's nothing wrong with feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way. As long as nobody gets hurt or killed by what you do to express yourself, you are fine.

I have created a sanctuary to unleash my chaotic emotions. It is a place of work. Strong emotions can take an effort to control. If you aren't afraid of hard work and/or the insanity that comes with feelings, you are welcome in my sanctuary. Keep in mind, strong emotions are erratic and you may be required to stand in some very deep piles of dung to dig yourself out of the mess you've gotten into.

I haven't had my sanctuary for very long; only a few months. On day one, my sanctuary was referred to as a dungeon. A dungeon may seem like a dark and dismal place. But, I know from experience that dungeons can hide treasure chests full of all sorts of useful things, like swords or armor or other things that can be used to slay big bad enemies. My dungeon has dishes.

I am a dishwasher. Whenever I feel upset about something, I throw a messy pan into my water and scrub. You'd be amazed at how easy baked on caked on mac and cheese comes off when you are furious about something.

My dungeon has a dungeon master. A young girl by the name of Miss Gina. Miss Gina's average age, (because mentally, she can change her age at will,) is 13 years old. She had to grow up before her time and struggles with that fact of life, daily. I've been trying to help her for the past 7 years. She's made some progress, but is far from stable. I turned my dungeon into a sanctuary so Miss Gina would have a 'safe' place to go whenever she is having a bad day and needs to blow off some emotional steam. 

If Miss Gina is willing to work, she can stay. If Miss Gina isn't willing to work, she has to go.

Miss Gina used to be disabled. Miss Gina used to have an issue with not wanting to go to work & following through by not showing up for work.

Because of the time and effort that I have put into Miss Gina, she no longer has an absentee problem at work. She shows up everyday like she is supposed to and does her best. I never asked anything out of Miss Gina that she wasn't willing to give. All she has to do is show up, do her job, and be awesome. Miss Gina was awesome before she even walked in the door. So, beyond awesome, she just has to show up and do her job. They are simple enough tasks for anyone to do.

You've heard of Quasimodo from 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame,” Quasimodo means half formed. Miss Gina's emotions were half formed as a result of having to grow up too fast. Miss Gina is the Quasi-Emo. As far her disability is concerned, Miss Gina still has issues. That's okay. I can accept that Miss Gina will have problems for the rest of her life. Everybody has problems and  issues. Miss Gina can be treated the same as everyone else. She's not disabled, she's differently awesome. She can use her sanctuary to work out as many problems as she wants.

My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness: I am stubborn. I refuse to let Miss Gina give up on herself. When Miss Gina is whining and crying, she is trying to quit. As long as I am standing, I am winning. I am a fighter. I gave Miss Gina my dungeon to use as a sanctuary. The sanctuary is a tool that Miss Gina can use to stay on her feet to get the job done.

Sometimes, I have to fight to stay on my feet; It's how I will win the battle. It's a game of inches. If I can push and lean the right way, I can cross the goal line for the touchdown. This is what I have taught myself and Miss Gina. I am self taught and self made. Miss Gina is the product of my stubborn refusal to quit.

Miss Gina visits her sanctuary quite often. It helps to have an outlet for extreme emotions. When Miss Gina is in her sanctuary, she helps me with dishes. When things get intense and I am in her sanctuary with her, I help Miss Gina with the confusion over having to deal with all these crazy emotions.

There was one time where Miss Gina was upset over something a coworker had said to her. The comment that was made was very unkind and Miss Gina, as a result, wasn't sure if she was at fault or if the other girl was the problem. So, I pulled Miss Gina into her sanctuary for a little while. She was upset and I made her sit down and take a little break. The owner of the restaurant where I work came by. He was concerned about Miss Gina, too. I let him know that Miss Gina was fine. She'd gotten a little upset and I made her get out of the situation for a little rest. The owner of the restaurant accepted me at my word. When she'd finished her rest, Miss Gina got up and started working with the dishes until she felt ready to come out of her sanctuary. Miss Gina took her little break, washed some dishes for me, and, when ready, a few hours later, came out of her sanctuary.

As it turned out, the other girl had a very big and very bad problem and instead of dealing with her problem in a healty way and going to her sanctuary, she chose to blame Miss Gina. That coworker didn't work out and ended up quitting on herself. Miss Gina didn't quit. She had to take a break, but she never quit. I am proud of her for it.

When it became clear that Miss Gina wasn't at fault, her boundless energy blew away the owner and everyone else in the restaurant . They were shocked to see that a young girl who had had such troubles a few hours before had made such a very quick turn around for the good. Miss Gina's sanctuary worked for her. She works for me. I work with her. Miss Gina is like my own daughter. I am Mrs Oatmeal.