The 13th Birthday

(TW: Mentions of attempted suicide)

I was only in grade 7. 12 years old...and already...I have a crush.

I went to Crison Creek Middle School in Oregon. I was new to America, and I was about to celebrate my birthday. My 13th birthday! I know I was going through puberty and stuff, but I didn't know that it would come with emotional mood swings.

My crush was this girl named Hallie Morison. Having a crush was normal...but for me...I guess it wasn't. I wasn't supposed to like her.

Heck, I wasn't supposed to like girls at all! Because I am a girl!

I...I'm just confused. I couldn't tell anybody because people would laugh at me. I've seen what it has done to people. My brother, who is now 24, is gay.

He was disowned by my parents. They were very religious.

But now, he was happily married to his husband, Josh. I secretly went to their wedding.

Hehehe.

I heard the argument that he had with them. It was bad. Kile (My brother) almost ended up dead. He tried to kill himself and run away. At the time he was only 16. So, my parents gave him up for adoption. He kept running away. Eventually stayed in mental hospitals until he was 18 years old. It was sad. But I got to see him at thanksgiving. He showed up at our door and asked for forgiveness. My father scowled and slammed the door in his face. I cried that night. It hurt to see my big brother like that. Though, that was when we were living in England. He lives in Australia now.

Now back to me...

The ocean waves crashed against the shore. My dad's fishing line bobbed up and down in the water. He sighed,

"Vivien. Promise me that you won't end up like Kile. Don't be like him."

I giggled, "Is this about him liking boys?"

"Yes. Promise me you don't like girls." He said sternly.

"Oh...uhm...yep. I don't like 'em" I lied, quickly.

I was very good at lying.

"Okay then. We're good. All fine" He laughed.

He caught three catfish and one trout. I hated fish!

Pee-eww! It was Stinky!

So, he made me chicken instead.

It was three days before my birthday. My birthday was on Saturday. Today is Wednesday.

With my birthday around the corner, I was going to get spoiled! Eee! I liked presents. But I wasn't allowed to be greedy. Cuz apparently that's a sin. And sinners are bad. My brother is a "sinner", but I don't think so. Off topic but, being gay or lesbian is also a sin, so my dad says. BUT! I have read the bible and nothing about gay people are in it. So therefore, I think being gay or lesbian is okay! God loves everyone.

I was walking down the hallway corridor people were laughing and snickering at each other. Suddenly they chanted different people's name's because there was a new fight. About water bottles. The new 2019 hydro flasks. How immature. The boys laughed as the girls fought each other.

I wasn't paying attention when suddenly I ran into Hallie. Did I mention that she was in grade 8!? I liked an older girl. She's only 14.

That's okay, right? My mum is 20 years younger than my dad. My mum was 33 and my dad was 53. Gross. At least I didn't like a 1000-year-old. (Just kidding).

"Sorry...H-Hallie"

"Watch where you're going squirt, be careful." She snapped loudly.

I started tearing up.

"Woah woah. Don't be a p-... don't cry. I'm sorry."

"Hey." A boy came up to her and kissed her cheek.

"Who's this?" He asked.

The boy wasn't even cute! He was kinda ugly tbh. But then again, I like girls. I think.

The bell rang loudly. My cue to get my butt to class. I ran.

Saturday came quickly and all of a sudden people sang.

"Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Vivien, Happy birthday to youuu!"

Everyone was so happy. But me...

Still kept that secret close to my heart. Locked it away for only me to find. Why would I come out to my family? They'd shun me out and disown me. I'm only 13!

I opened a maximum of 25 presents. I played with my new toys and hid my new...how do I put this? My new puberty stuff. Like bras and books about growing females. Gross. I also got an updated bible. Great.

I wasn't sure if I believed in God...

I wasn't sure of anything to be honest.

Girls my age were supposed to like boys. Not girls. Girls my age were supposed to have these "Weird feelings"...Girls were supposed to be getting older which were marked by blood, if you know what I mean. None of those applied to me.

I snuck out that night to go talk to Kile. My parents would still be awake, so I couldn't call him from my room.

I laid on the trampoline and called him.

"Wassup Little sis?"

"I...I need to tell you something very important."

"Sooo? What is it."

"Nooo. I can't. I can't say it." I laughed nervously.

"Hey. Say it, you're safe and you'll be okay." He said reassuringly.

"I...I'm sorry."

"For what?" He laughed.

"I think...I think I'm gay. A lesbian. And I'm not just saying that. I really do think that I like girls."

"Aww. That's cute. I don't care if you like girls. What makes you think that you like girls?"

"Well. There's this one girl and she's very cute. I would like to be with her and kiss her but I'm too young for that! Anyways, I just want to date this girl. Hallie. You know her, right?"

"Your personal bully?"

"She doesn't bully people anymore, Kile."

"Oh okay. So. You like her. WAIT!? Is she in, like grade 8?"

"Yeah, she's older than me."

"Nooo. Too old. You can't."

"Kile. I'm in grade 7. And today I turned 13. She just turned 14."

"Oh right. Well. I gotta go now kiddo. Just know that I'm here and I'm your safe space, okay?"

"Yes sir! I love you Kile."

"Love 'ya too, kiddo."

THE END