Mania

The waiting room is dimly lit and the air smells of must and something sour. The walls are a pale green and everything about this place has something inside of me screaming “run.”

Not only is the atmosphere gloom and doom - but the company is as well. My eyes scan the room and I take note of the other people, seemingly around my age - brooding sitting next to their parents.

There’s a girl with red curly hair and bright clothing - which is surprising considering she has mascara running down her face - an easy giveaway of the tears that had once been there. Though she is bedazzled in many different accessories, she seems sad. But not like a I - had - a - bad - day kind of sad. More a deep sadness that can be noticed in the way she stares ahead as though everything around her ceases to exist.

Then there’s a boy. A boy whose face can barely be seen because he has his hoodie pulled so far over his head I am not sure he even has one. And he sits with a seat between him and who I can only assume to be his father. With his legs out in front of him the boy sits surprisingly still. Almost like a statue. Almost as if you were to touch him he still wouldn’t move.

Then there’s me. Sitting next to my so called mother wondering why the fuck she has to be so dramatic. We are quite the motley crue sitting here in this waiting room - waiting to see a doctor who is most definitely a quack.

The white door slowly creaked open and a short plump lady with a blonde bob haircut pops her head around the side of it.

“Jade?” she asks in a questioning tone. I automatically hesitate to rise from my seat - and if it wasn’t for my mother I definitely would not.

“Right here!” My mom chirps in a voice way to chipper considering the place we are in.

She puts her hand on the back of my shoulder lightly pushing me forward in a way that says “get up now.”

Sighing, I come to my feet. “Perfect,” the plump lady smiles, “Dr. Watts will see you now.”

She pushes the door more open to allow me and unfortunately my mother, to step through.

The hallway ahead of me is lit with annoyingly bright light and the stretch of offices seems like it could go on forever if it wasn’t for a big heavy looking blue door at the end of it with a flashing red light overhead.

The little lady leads us into a room that almost looks like any other doctor's office I have been in. Except this one doesn’t have those posters warning you about smoking, or sex or anything that's fun that might just end up killing you. Instead the walls are blank, there are two chairs and a table where I am assuming I am to sit. The room feels barren and void, there's not even a scale to step on or a wall with a height measuring thing. Like I said before, a quack of a doctor.

I swing myself onto the table using my hands. My silver bracelets sing in a jingle and my oversized jeans flop down as my butt hits the shitty padding. I avoid eye contact with my mother who suddenly seems captivated by something on her phone. I hate being alone with her in this way. The silence between us never fails to make my skin crawl and in this barren room I feel suffocated by it - there's nowhere to run from the fact that we have nothing to say to each other. Especially now.

The door to the room swings open suddenly and in walks perhaps one of the sexiest men I have ever seen. In a very professional white lab coat Dr. Watts stands in front of me with a gleaming smile, black hair with grey poking through and brilliant green eyes. His skin looks so soft I almost have to stop myself from reaching out to touch it.

“Hello there Jade, I’m Dr. Watts, lovely to meet you,” he says casually.

His eyes dart over to my mother who I realize is blushing at the sight of this man - too bad she has a boyfriend. “And you must be Jade's sister” he says with a flash of those bright white teeth. My mom blushes some more and lets out a small laugh.

Ugh. Gag me. His comment is so corny and so typical that I cannot help but physically roll my eyes - a reaction I know he takes note of.

“So, what brings you in today?”

I stop myself from rolling my eyes yet again. He knows why we are here. He has a chart in his hands, can he not read?

“I’m not sure, I’m feeling quite fine” I say with a smile and a shrug. My mom scowls at me and then turns with a smile to Dr. Watts. “We are here because since the incident I am not sure what to do and how to help her.”

Ha. Help? Me? Please.

“Yes, looking at this chart this is quite the track record you’ve run up for yourself Jade.” He says putting his glasses on to get a better look at my list of passions.

I remain silent. I don’t want to be here, this wasn’t my idea.

“I always tell my patients before I help them they have to admit what they have done. They have to assume the responsibility before we move onto the next step.” He says to my mother then turns to me, “do you think you can do that Jade?”

“What’s wrong with the other people in the waiting room?” I ask inquisitively, ignoring his question.

“You seem like a smart girl, you know I cannot tell you that.” he responds,

“answer the question Jade, can you tell me what you have done?”

I let out a large and long sigh and swing my feet back and forth. I avoid my mothers enraged glare and only make eye contact with Dr. Watts.

“I set fires.” I whisper.

“Come again.”

“I set fires,” I say louder this time.

“Why”

“I don’t know why.”

“Why”

I let out another long sigh.

“I don’t know, when I set them I feel like I can breathe.”

“Good.” Dr. Watts writes something on his chart as I continue to avoid looking at my mother who is definitely looking at me as though I have lost my marbles.

“Jade, have you ever heard of the term pyromaniac?”

My eyebrows furrow in fake confusion. Of course I have heard of the term - I’ve been hearing the term since I was five years old and set my swing set up in flames.

“Pyromania is an impulse control disorder. It's what I specialize in and it's something I think I can help you with.”

What if I don’t want to be helped? What if I like the way I am? I ask in my head.

“Now, as I am sure you are aware, this is an inpatient treatment center -”

“Wait what” I cut him off panic flooding through every once of my being. I look at my mom who is now refusing to look at me. I jump from the table and lunge for the door. But when I swing it open there are two massive men awaiting me on the other side.

“No, no, no, no,” I repeat to myself and slowly back into the room.

“It’s only temporary-” Dr. Watts begins but I cut him off again.

“Mom, please, MOM” I watch as a tear rolls down her cheek and she gets up to exit the room.

“PLEASE” I yell after her, I look to Dr. Watts “Please, I'm not crazy I don’t belong here please I am not like the others I swear - I have control please.” But my begging and pleading falls upon deaf ears. Dr. Watts turns his back on me as the two large men come to grab me by both of my arms as I kick thrash cry scream - do everything in my power to get away. They seem unphased as they rip me from the room and start dragging me towards the big blue door with the flashing red light.

Well, this is not what I signed up for.