Caramel latte

As I'm unsuccessfully trying to light up a cigarette, Paul is already yelling at me to sweep the leaves off the terrace when I'm done.

˝Sweep it yourself, I'm not doing the fucking Sisyphean task again.˝

As if this time of year wasn't bad enough by itself with itchy sweaters and ripped stockings, the new assistant manager decided to update the menu so it would be more season appropriate. We had to learn a shitload of new stuff overnight. What's wrong with good old Pumpkin Spice?!

As I come back inside, he's telling me something about the dirt on my boots but I'm only half listening. I came home late last night and I had to drag my hungover ass to work. And leave the boots alone, they have been through a lot.

I have a feeling we're not gonna get along well with this guy.

˝Dave, what are you up to so early, I'm not serving you booze before noon!˝

Dave has been coming here almost every day since he lost his job three years ago. He can be a bit of a wise ass but he pays his tab and he writes us great reviews on Trip Advisor.

˝Just coffee with milk for me today. My son's coming to town for Halloween, so I have to be decent. We're going as Mike and Sully.˝

Perfect. Even the town drunk is happy about the fucking Halloween. And here is this new arrogant shit, trying to explain to me the importance of diverse flavor selection and a good customer service.

˝That's nice to hear Dave, what kind of latte can I get you: Spiced Vanilla, Vanilla Chai Latte, Campfire S'mores, Nutella, Chocolate Mint, Gingerbread, Cinnamon Maple, Cinnamon Apple, Brownie, Marshmallow Brownie, Chestnut Brownie, Snickerdoodle, Chocolate Chip, Hazelnut Coffee, Lavender honey, Autumn Spiced Hibiscus?˝

˝Wow, someone's really in a bad mood today.˝

That's the new guy again. I've had enough of him already and it's only nine in the morning.

˝Eh, do you have Pumpkin Spice?˝

Thank you Dave, suck your Snickerdoodle, new guy.

˝How did you convince your ex wife to let him stay with you?˝

˝Well, he misses the town a little and he loves Halloween.˝

Well, that makes one of us. The thing is I hate Halloween. I hate autumn. I hate the sweater weather, I hate the wind. I hate that everyone gets all calm and cozy and cringey this time of the year. And I absolutely seriously hate Halloween. It's a stupid, made up holiday, invented only because Europe had their own dress up day that actually originated from an old tradition and we just wanted a day to dress up in dumb outfits too. The only thing I hate more than Halloween itself is people asking me why I hate it so much, especially if it's a hubristic, man-bun wearing, Spiced vanilla selling, new assistant manager at Debsie's, asking me about things everyone from around here know not to ask me about.

I've tried selling him some bullshit I made up on the spot about how I was never allowed to dress up as Batman when I was a kid, which left me exasperated and frustrated about the way a woman is viewed in the post neoliberal society we grew up in but he is still draining me with questions about a stupid kids' holiday. I hoped he wouldn't understand all the shit I just said and would have left me alone but he's unable to comprehend my apathy for his autumnal drink collection.

Luckily, Dave is still here, surprisingly sober and I think he's trying to help me out.

˝Chiefe, do you know why Van Gogh painted so many portraits of himself?˝ Chiefe doesn't seem to care about Van Gogh though.

˝Emma, the autumn is a perfect time to relax a little bit. Just slow down, make yourself a Caramel Latte and dress yourself in a Batman costume tomorrow if you feel like this will set you free. Just not during the work hours of course. Do not slow down during the work hours, we have some flavored lattes to sell!˝

If he doesn't stop talking soon, I might need some Caramel Gin. Does anyone sells hot gin and tonic? That actually wouldn't be such a bad idea. I would suggest it to my new boss if he wasn't such a shithead.

˝Okay, I've been quiet for too long…˝

Seriously, when has Dave been quiet for more than two minutes?

˝Mister are these new flavors even homemade or are they just artificial syrups? Cause they kind of look like the same as every other coffee shop around here has.˝

Shit, the man's got a nerve. I have to remember to put his Pumpkin Spice on the house, he has actually managed to distract the guy. Now he's going to the cellar, to bring him the bottle and prove to him it's all homemade. Nice one, Dave.

˝Thank you for this, Dave.˝

˝No problem kid. How long has it been since they passed away?˝

˝Tomorrow evening will be eleven years.˝

˝Emma, you're a good kid, you know. Take care of yourself. And don't worry about that guy, he doesn't seem the type to stick around here for long.˝

I could tell my new boss why I hate Halloween. I could tell him it has nothing to do with Batman or feminism or neo liberalism or any other -ism. I could tell him about my childhood that pretty much ended on the day of the stupid holiday eleven years ago, as soapy as this sounds. But why would I? What would be the point? People don't care so much. We're all too busy drinking our Caramel lattes. Except maybe Dave. I think Dave cares a little bit about everything. I also think that's why he drinks so much.

˝Hey Dave. Why did Van Gogh paint so many auto portraits then?˝

˝Oh, he just didn't have enough money to pay for the models to pose for him.˝