NAN TO THE RESCUE

Mum has a habit of booking holidays without anyone else knowing. She said it was a long time since we’d all spent a week together including Nan. A cottage on the Norfolk Broads was her choice this time. It has eight bedrooms, she said, so we could all be there and share.

I hate sharing. I loathe crowds. When our whole family is together it becomes a mob. Auntie Jessica often refers to us as ‘the mob’ when she talks to Dad on the phone. I also resent Nan being invited along.

Our family is huge. Dad has four kids from his first marriage-three boys and a girl. Mum has four kids from her first marriage-four girls. Three of these girls have also had girls. Then there’s me and Charlotte who belong to Mum and Dad and if you add Nan then I’ve lost count.

As soon as Dad learned of the holiday, he started moaning about having to hire a minibus. He said he’d try and get as many of us in it as he could. The others, he said, would have to make their own way there. He also mentioned to blame Mum for booking it without consulting anyone.

Nan was invited to stay at our house the day before so that she could come in the minibus with us all. That meant Mum had to shuffle all the beds around the night before we were meant to be going on this fantastic holiday. That’s what Mum called it anyway. I was sure the whole thing was going to be a disaster.

Sitting in any vehicle while Dad’s driving is just a pain in the backside. He complains all the time about, “that idiot up my arse,” or “that twit in front who’s on a go slow.” He’ll shout about cars cutting him up or jumping in front of him at roundabouts. Then he’ll say people with dogs on long leads are a menace to drivers. He goes on and on for the whole journey. I end up with a headache.

Nan, who insists on sitting in the front tells Dad whenever there are traffic lights. She instructs him when to brake. She sighs when he slows down and asks if we will ever get there. Then when Dad gets on the motorway she hangs onto her seatbelt for dear life and tells him he’s going too fast. It happens every holiday and this one will be no different I’m sure of it.

The day of our holiday arrived. We reached the cottage with fewer mishaps than usual. That was a relief. Everyone made a mad scramble to nail a bedroom and make it their own. I refused to share with Nan outright. I’d done it before and never again. Nan snores and wanders around naked most of the time.

Mum suggested the three Great Granddaughters share one of the double beds in Nan’s room. This cheered Nan up no end. The three little girls didn’t seem to mind either. They thought it would be fun. I helped carry Nan’s bag to her room and left the three girls using the bed as a trampoline. I laughed and wondered what they would get up to during the night. But whenever I’d shared with Nan, I found nothing woke her except the sun entering the room in the morning.

After we’d all unpacked Damien yelled that we should go to the pub for a meal. Miriam asked who was paying. Nan immediately said she shouldn’t be expected to pay as she’d bought the petrol for the journey. Dad refused as he said he would probably end up paying for the whole holiday anyway on his credit card. He reminded everyone how Mum had booked it without his permission. Mum opened a bottle of wine and switched on the tv.

At six o’clock we all marched to the local pub. It was only ten minutes from the cottage. I discovered they do all day breakfasts there-my favourite.

Dad said it was ‘each man for himself’ as far as paying for the meal was concerned. But I did notice he paid for Nan’s fish and chips. She somehow managed to get tomato ketchup all down her dress and Dad wouldn’t stop tutting at her.

The following day Dad proposed we hire a canal boat. Mum thought there wouldn’t be room for everyone on it. Then Nan suggested we leave her out. But Dad insisted she be included. So, we all got on a canal boat. The owner advised us all to put on our lifejackets or he wouldn’t give Dad the key to the ignition. There were complaints all round, but we all complied in the end. The boat man then confessed that by law we should be sharing two barges with such a large family. He admitted he only had the one available so would oversee this error this time.

I wanted to steer it, but Dad wouldn’t let me. He said It was too dangerous. It took us all day to go about half a mile and back, but it was fun. Nan and the three little girls loved throwing bread for the ducks. I enjoyed sitting on the roof. I watched the world go by, waved at the people on the tow path and the boats that went by.

Most evenings were spent trying to sort out the tv. Dad couldn’t get it to work properly. He said it was due to where we were staying. The sound was too low-or maybe it was because Nan was snoring loudly again. Whenever Dad switched channels Nan woke up and said that was her special programme and not to change the channel. We had to watch whatever she liked. I hated all her programmes. They were boring and I got annoyed. Then Dad said Nan was our guest and she could watch what she wanted.

In the middle of our holiday everyone decided to go their own way for some reason. Maybe they were all getting fed up with being around each other.

Dad’s other kids went off to visit some castle or other and Mum’s other kids, who I didn’t get on with that much, went off shopping. We were all left behind with the three little girls.

Dad decided we should go to the beach. I thought it a great idea and dreaming of ice creams and chips made my mouth water.

Nan kept saying she’d rather stay at the cottage, but Mum and Dad insisted she come with us as she would enjoy it. We hadn’t been to an actual beach for several years now.

I was the first out of the car followed by Charlotte and the three little girls and we all ran to the sea. The tide was a long way out, but we got there in the end. The water was freezing.

Dad said we had to be careful as the tide can come in very quickly in Norfolk. He spent ages on his mobile phone trying to find out when high and low tide was.

Nan told him it didn’t matter as we would all be safe anyway. We found some beautiful soft, dry sand up near the dunes and spread our blankets out.

Nan fell asleep immediately and began snoring again. Dad put up the wind shield. Mum poured out three glasses of wine and gave us kids orange juice and a cake. Dad then pumped up the Lilo.

Charlotte and I were busy building sandcastles with two of the little girls. Mum and Dad had joined Nan and were fast asleep. I didn’t realise the tide was coming in. I didn’t notice Kate, the smallest of Nan’s Great Grandchildren sitting on the Lilo. Neither did I see it float out on the tide.

Charlotte was the first to realise that Kate was missing. She screamed, “Where’s Kate?” It made me jump. The other two girls began to cry. Mum, Dad and Nan sat bolt upright and began searching.

Nan pointed and bellowed, “There she is. She’s in the sea.”

Well, I have never seen Nan run so fast in all my life. She was like a bullet from a shotgun. Off down the beach in her bare feet calling for help. She went straight into the water fully dressed and with the assistance of two strangers she dragged Kate and the Lilo back to shore.

It was all over and done with before Mum and Dad had even got near the edge of the water. Mum was crying. Dad was telling everyone off for not looking after Kate. Nan picked Kate up and gave her a kiss and cuddle and they were the only ones smiling.

Dad thanked the two people who helped Nan. Then he said we’d better get back to the cottage as quickly as possible so that Nan could get out of her wet clothes.

I was so proud of my Nan that day and have been ever since. I asked if I could share with her for the rest of the holiday. The three little girls were still in shock and so they wanted to sleep with their parents. Nan said I could. I said, “that’s great Nan.” And gave her a huge hug.

I was quite sad when the holiday was over. I asked Mum if we could book another one soon and invite Nan to come along. Mum said “yes-but don’t tell your Dad yet.”