A cage

“This is Hell. Welcome to Hell.” Or as Alanis Morissette says, “Why are you so petrified of silence? Here, can you handle this?” I could handle it. I’d give my left arm for it. If I stay in my room, I hear my neighbor say, “I farted. I upchucked. It’s stinky. It’s pungent,” at full volume. God, give my neighbor laryngitis. Or let me lose my hearing so I can escape this cacophony.

“Be Careful What You Pray For, You Just Might Get It”. But, I can hear what the reader is thinking: Why don’t you just leave your room. I would, but then the woman who thinks she’s my girlfriend is outside and ready to follow me anywhere except the men’s room or the forest. Thank God for the restroom and the forest. She thinks there poison ivy in the forest. If her poison ivy, I’ll still have to hear the asshole next door. But, there are ways out if I’m imaginative. Like the asshole next door does sleep at night and so does the bitch. Sorry, that might insult some local dog shelter. I love dogs but we can’t have dogs here because what if someone didn’t like it or was allergic to it. What if I don’t like humans and am allergic to morons? Hell, he’s a son-of-a-bitch, kick him out.

But it doesn’t work like that. This is to keep me safe. That’s like telling a mouse it’s going to a cat kennel to keep it safe. Oh, but they don’t want me to lose the benefits like food, shelter, etc. And they’re right, but I can’t go to the supermarket, except every other week, so if I run out of something stupid like toilet paper or toothpaste, I’ll have to wait two weeks. The difference between me and a prisoner is a prisoner has rights. They have the right to a fair trial, they can get a degree in jail, get vocational rehabilitation. I’m lucky if I can get a pot of real coffee. Oh, and let’s not invest in any modern appliances. Like there’s no DVR, just basic shit cable. Remember cable, from the goddamn Stone Age? The internet is spotty except near the administrative building. Forget about email. Because what if my legal guardian doesn’t like the friends or family I like? Oh, no, we want me next to someone who’s violent in physical and verbal ways. And I had to be neuropsychologically evaluated, but they didn’t. And there’s no way the neuropsychologist could be wrong because she’s the only daughter of God, perfect.

Someone would have to have the patience of Job to live here and I don’t. I could leave Against Medical Advice, but everything I own would be thrown in the trash and I’d be homeless and hungry. And everything I own would be thrown away. I could appeal, but if I won, the same thing would happen; I’d be homeless and hungry.

So, that leaves me with the way God gave us all to get out: Suicide. I can hear your dumbass thoughts, oh, wait, Ijudgements and all the bullshit you’ve learned from your teachers, parents, priests, and God knows who else. Things’ll get better and change and you’ll change. Yea, right, and “maybe the toilet paper fairy will come and bring me some nice fresh toilet paper.” Things won’t change. At least not here. This place is a time capsule for morons and I’m not a moron; I have a college degree whereas everyone here has a high school diploma. Whop Dee Do. And these morons speak at the top of their lungs to the person in juxtaposition to them. The reader doesn’t know what juxtaposition means; then you move here.

I’m not allowed to sign a contract, buy a house, a car, get married, have kids, have a gun. Oh, but this shit hole is in America, “The Land of the Fee and the home of the slave”. The guardians said to think of it like a cruise. Yea, a cruise with shitty internet, shitty food, no alcohol, no soda, shitty cable. Goddamn it. Let me right a review of this cage cruise online.

Oh, and forget about the UDHR, the ADA, the FHA, the constitution, Declaration of Independence, none of these apply to those with disabilities. No. You don’t know these acronyms. Then, you move here. Oh, forgot, you’re allowed to access the internet or can ask Sierri. Think of the poem, “Nobody,” by Dickinson. You don’t. As I roll my eyes, look it up on the net. Hell, I even know what the square root of negative 4 is.

Oh, and let’s talk about the dumbest thing in the world: The weather. If I cared about the weather, I’d watch The Weather Channel. God didn’t put me on Earth to be a dog in a cage. Unless God is the dog in a cage. Dog is God spelled backwards.

Me and the moron next door share a kitchen. You know? The only food this moron gets is decaf. Wish there was a ten foot concrete sound-proof room between us.

There’s no more someday. It’s like a dog who’s forced to stay outside and it whines and moans and when it shuts up, the owners think the dog understands now, but the dog’s given up all hope of being part of the pact. But, my hearts been broken so many times, it’s numb or has calluses everywhere. Guardians hope I’ll make new friends here, unless they don’t like them. I better like this place and make it work out. “It’s a mercy killing”.

See, there’s no hope, no future. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be worth more dead than alive?”

But, World War III is around the corner and there will be a draft and I’ll be 4F and then Earth’ll end and evolution will start again, so in about 20 billion years m, there’ll be life forms. 20 billion is equal to six God days, by the way. So, am I delusional? Am I permanently disabled? Or am I just an insomniac who got a false negative? “What’s the difference between ignorance and indifference? I don’t know and I don’t care.”