Four Years

May 20th, 2023

I signed up! Today, the Marine recruiter came to school, and mine was the first name on the paper.

Telling Mercedes was hard, but we’ve already talked about it so many times. She knows enlisting is my dream. We both knew we’d face this eventually, and we decided we would work harder to stay together. There were tears in her eyes, though. I think she might be changing her mind…

I think I recognized the recruiter from one of dad's dinner events, but I didn't say anything. I know I could say something and get myself in good with them early, but I want to make my own first impression. I missed first period talking and learning as much as I could.

The recruiter – Sgt. Hall – said I'd be a perfect candidate! Jay told me that they probably tell that to everyone, but I would be a third generation Marine, and it’s what I've wanted forever. I’m ready. At least Sgt. Hall sees that.

May 21st, 2023

Wow. That sucked.

I thought dad would be more excited than he was, too. He gave a nod of approval, but that was it. I thought he might be proud, or at least excited, but maybe he's just worried I won't go through with it. I'll show him that I mean it.

Mom is very proud of me. She says I have a good heart, and that we need people with good hearts to protect the innocent and helpless. But I know she's afraid, too. It was all over her face. She's afraid all the angry parts of me that are like dad might get worse surrounded by so might combat and violence.

I promised her it wouldn't, though. The Marines will teach me discipline and accountability and will make me stronger so I won't have so much to be angry about. All the things that piss me off, I'll be able to stop myself. Racism? We'll stop to that around the world. Dictators? They don't know the power of American Democracy, or of the Marines that will give their lives to defend it.

I know my parents aren't sure, but I've never been more sure of anything. After graduation, I'm going to go to boot camp to become a Marine, and it will be the best decision I've ever made.

June 5th, 2023

“Dear Abe,

I know we already talked, but leaving it like that didn’t feel right. Just ‘goodbye, good like’ didn’t feel like enough after almost two years together. You helped me grow in so many ways, and were always willing to listen and really hear how I felt. When my grandma died, you were there every time I called you crying, begging you to come over. I won’t forget that. Not ever.

I can only hope that I gave you something positive to remember, too. We’ll always be part of each other’s journeys, we have each other’s first everything. I know you’ve wanted to join the Marines for as long as I’ve known you, and I’m so happy for you and proud of you for making that dream a reality. I’m sorry it means that we have to end like this. I just hope you don’t rush into being a soldier so fast that you forget about all the fun we had, and all the good memories we made. I know you’ll do great things, just remember to follow your heart. It’s the best heart I’ve ever known.

Love always, even if from afar,

Mercedes”

You know I’ll never forget you.

Septe 06-SEP-23

I. Survived. The Crucible.

19-SEP-23

It’s been so busy, I haven’t really had time to write. Where do I even start…

I finished boot camp – San Diego was beautiful; what I saw of it. Training took so much of my time and energy, I didn’t get to leave the base much. I don’t think being stationed will be much slower, but if my request to be stationed at Camp Pendleton goes through, I’ll only be an hour away from San Diego. Maybe I’ll get to see more of it once I get into the routine of Marine life.

Mom likes the idea of Camp Pendleton, too. It’s close to home – which is the exact reason Dad doesn’t like it. He says I need to travel overseas and see the world. To be honest, I think he’s right. A good Marine would serve past the borders of their own home, but I have my whole career in front of me. Maybe for my second assignment.

I did make a friend, for what that’s worth. Marcos – he seems like one of the only other decent people in my training platoon. Most of them were dicks, spending more time swapping high school highlights and stroking their own egos than on training. I stayed away from those assholes, so it was mostly just me and Marcos. He’s here for the same reason that I am: we believe in the flag, and we believe in what it stands for. We want to fight for freedom and liberty for everyone. He requested Camp Pendleton, too, so I hope to find him again there.

Home has been… Surprisingly nice. Dad has opened up a little bit more; we had a drink together to celebrate my graduating boot camp. He finally told me stories about his time as a Marine and going through boot camp. It was the most I’ve ever heard him talk about his service in front of us. Usually he only talks about it with the friends he served with. That was a really nice night.

I saw Mercedes, too. We said we weren’t going to see each other, but mom texted her about my graduation/welcome home/going away party, so she came. I wish she didn’t, but… I was really happy to see her. I guess I didn’t realize how much I missed talking to her every day. We talked about maybe getting coffee or something next time I’m home, too. We’ll see.

My papers should be here tomorrow, telling me where I’m stationed, and a few days after that I’ll be off. I probably won’t be home again until Christmas. Honestly, I’m so excited to get back and learn how Marine life will be, that Christmas sounds almost too soon.

16-NOV-23

Five months ago, I was just some high school kid who hadn’t ever been in a fight. The things I can do now? I’m qualifying in the top 15% of my group in hand-to-hand combat, I know how to use and take care of my rifle better than I ever knew any subject in school, and I have tactical knowledge most people never think about. I’m practically a superhuman compared to who I was. I’m starting to see why we’re the most powerful military force in the world.

Part of that scares me, though. Not because I don’t like fighting – I’m prepared to do whatever I have to do to fulfill my duty to this country. But outside of basic, especially now that there are women around, the number of dickheads I run into daily tripled. They don’t think about what these abilities mean, or how to use it. They think of it as the key to the world, making anything they do okay because who can stop them? Just being around them makes me uncomfortable, like I should be hyper alert to what they’re doing.

Thankfully, Marcos’ request was also approved, so we’re both at Camp Pendleton. We met another friend today, too. Jade – not to be fucked with. I invited her to sit with us after she stood up to a group of people being assholes about Gaza. She stood her ground, and she was on the right side of history. Marcos was laughing the whole time. I think I’ll stick by these two.

11-MAR-24

Ugh. I’m tired. Wow – it’s been months since I’ve wrote. I just got back from a two-week field op, and before that… I guess I was just getting used to the routine. I’m going to try and write more. I feel better when I do.

22-MAR-24

It’s been tense in the barracks. Campaigning for November has started, and there are a lot of passionate people on both sides.

Most people – myself included – didn’t think Trump would be allowed to run again, especially considering he literally just had another scandal. Others don’t give two shits about that and are loudly making their support known. Funny that they’re the same ones spouting racist bullshit about Kamala.

I have to be careful in those situations. Those are the people my mom warned me about – that would make my anger worse. And not that it’s her fault, but Jade’s passion feeds my anger; there have been a few times the two of us almost got dragged into the yelling, but I pulled us out of there.

Marcos is even more quiet about it. I can’t quite figure out why, but he’s very dodgy about it. “I don’t do politics.” Fair enough, our job is to defend the Constitution more than anything else. Still, I couldn’t imagine not worrying about who is going to tell us where to go and what to do, especially right now.

I’m glad I wrote again so soon. With all of this tension weighing down the already heavy workload we all have, I’ve been feeling warned out faster and faster – and it takes longer to feel rested. It’s just every time I think about it, I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Fear, maybe? Maybe it’s just stress, and it will go away.

03-SEP-24

Fucking HELL.

We’re all in deep shit and won ourselves extra duty because Jade lost it and punched another Marine today. More bullshit about this stupid god damned election led some hick fuck to drop a hard ‘r.’ Not at Jade, but in reference to Kamala – not that it made a difference to Jade. Two guys helped me pull her off the other girl, and then they turned the racism at Jade. Unfortunately for all of us, there was a Sgt. nearby to shut it down.

Even worse: Jade is pissed at ME now for not backing her up. It pissed me off too – no one should be allowed to say that shit, especially some southern belle. She deserved the black eye Jade gave her. But to hit another Marine? It’s not worth it. That dumb bitch is still going to think she can say what she wants, and now we have a mark on our records just past a year into our career.

I told her I was right there if it got ugly, and I helped pull her off. She doesn’t believe I would have stepped in, “because I didn’t do shit when they started calling her names.” But I was RIGHT THERE. I LITERALLY had her back. Not enough, I guess. Fuck those losers for even starting this shit.

06-NOV-24

No. Fucking. Way.

29-DEC-24

Being home sucks. People were excited to see me, but after the first day it’s been so tense I just want to go back to base. Mom won’t turn off the news, and Dad is back to his cold, distant self – it’s like we never had that drink at all. I asked him if he wanted to have another drink while I was home. “Maybe one night before you go back to base.” Ok.

Even worse was Mercedes. We met for brunch (I know, I know.) and she asked me what my plan was.

My plan? What does she mean? What plan am I supposed to have? I’m a Marine. My job is to protect us from war, not a shitty president.

But… She’s also not wrong. Lots of people worried about Democracy surviving. If it comes down to it – if it really gets that far, every Marine knows their loyalty and duty is to the Constitution. If that ever gets threatened, our orders will make sure we’re there to protect it. That didn’t do much to comfort her, but I don’t know what else to tell her. This is still America, even if it’s going to suck for four years.

All I feel here is fear and pressure. I can’t wait to get back to base.

03-MAR-25

I’m pissed off… All the time, and I don’t know what to do about it.

They discharged Marcos. No one knows why, but we can guess. Jade says we need to do something, to show the civilians that we’re here to protect America, but what does that even fucking mean? Make a TikTok? Ok. The CO is telling us to continue with our daily duties. Until that changes, what is could we possibly do?

09-JUN-25

WHAT IS HAPPENING?!

Today we were told that 2,000 marines are being deployed to L.A. to “help with the riots.”

Last I checked, they were peaceful protests, not riots.

Last I checked, Marines can’t be deployed on US citizens.

Last I checked, policing PROTESTS is NOT what Marines are for.

Last I checked AMERICAN CITIZENS ARE NOT THE TARGET OF MARINE CORPS OPERATIONS.

I think Jade is right. It’s been less than half a year and we’ve already seen the military and government gutted, and now what’s left is being turned against civilians. I don’t know what she’s planning, but I need to talk to her.

07-JUL-25

I… Can’t believe this. More Marines are being sent to L.A. and other parts of California. The government is trying to remove the governor from power.

I’m one of the Marines that’s supposed to go – leaving in three hours at 0800. I haven’t slept, just stared at the papers, reading them again and again, sick to my stomach. And scared.

Jade is going too, but… My god I can’t believe I’m putting this on paper… She’s leaving. Deserting, when we touch down. She wants me to come with her and join the protestors, to protect L.A., but I can’t just desert. She’ll be lucky if she doesn’t get arrested, or – honestly, with this administration – probably worse.

I’m going to join her, eventually. When the right opportunity comes, I’ll go. But right now, I have the resources of a Marine, and if I’m on the ground, I can make sure that any detentions are peaceful, and done within the law. I’m biding my time, but I will do the right thing, Jade.

07-JUL-25

“This is wrong. It’s too far. You know it, and I know it.

Find a way out and do it soon.

You have a good heart, just remember to follow that

before you follow orders.”

I found this taped in my journal. She’s gone, off to help the people. I’ll be helping to… From this side, I guess…

28-JUL-25

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK WHATAMISUPPOSEDTODO

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

12-SEP-25

The therapist they sent me to says I need to write about what I saw, but I

26-SEP-25

I s How do I

27-SEP-25

My mission was to escort ICE Agents and detainees to the detention center, where civilians have been putting up blockades for weeks to block our vehicles, and protests were happening frequently. We made it through safely. I was part of the team that escorted them inside.

I saw Marcos.

*THE FOLLOWING ENTRIES HAVE BEEN TRANSPOSED FROM A JOURNAL FOUND IN THE PRISONER’S CELL AT TIME OF DEATH. THEY HAVE BEEN SO TRANSPOSED TO BE DELIVERED TO THE SURVIVING FAMILY AS THE ONLY PERSONAL ITEM RECOVERED*

20-NOV-26

I, Abraham Pellman, plead guilty to all charges. I took my oath, and while serving, I thought about it every day, and what the right thing to do was. The whole time, I knew the actions I took were wrong. I tried to find a time to change that, but I never found the courage to break from the orders I was given.

As a Marine defending the constitution, I failed.

As an American, who believes in freedom and liberty, I failed.

As a man with a conscience and moral soul, I failed.

23-DEC-2026

Dad came to see me. Only Dad. Mom said she couldn’t handle it.

My family hasn’t seen Mercedes or her family since the protests started. The house is still empty, even now that the detainees have been rescued and sent home. They are presumed to have died in captivity.

Jade came to see my parents. She’s transferring to become a MP. She’s already helping track down other ex-military that carried out Trump’s orders. It was the only good news he had.

03-JAN-27

Forgive my sins,

O my God.

Let me be absolved

from all these iniquities

and delivered from

the bond of all these evils,

by the Life,

Passion,

and Death

Of my Lord and Savior,

Jesus Christ.

Amen.