THE RIGHT PATH

The music was suddenly surrounding me as I walked the store aisles. Then I stopped dead in my tracks. The wrong Bing Crosby song came on. "It's the most wonderful time of the year." HELL NO! This has to go away and never come back. How can I keep the midnight mangle out of my life. I hear him now screeching and swearing in my head, all around me as I attempt to get out of the store. Get me out of here! I slammed into a shopping cart by accident and the old woman steering it brought back a seething memory. As I rushed down the aisle, she told me to 'watch for the red light'. WHAT? My mind in a split second went on overdrive. It's a grocery store DAMMIT! Not some haunted house like in the Freddy Krueger movie, NIGHTMARE on ELM STREET. Am I one of those teenagers that almost gets the axe? I feel it now, the angst, the pain, the trauma, like it was yesterday. Breathing in panic, I drop the few items I came in for, shoved the hood of my sweatshirt on, and fled out the door to find my car. Where the hell did I park? I pace the lot in such a frenzy looking for my piece of junk aka the SATURN. A car screeched as I crisscrossed over and over almost getting slammed by this SUV. He blasted a message with the horn to literally wake me up and I put my hands over my head as if I was being arrested. The guy immediately put it in park, got out and strode over to me. I sank down and panic mode set in when he approached with outstretched hands. "Hey, Buddy, you okay?" I mumbled and spoke in a quiet tone then nodded. He didn't quite get it. "You're not on anything, right?" I glanced up and with a sad half smile said, "NO." Soon, others started to gather around and my fear turned to fright as the cluster encircled the two of us. "I can't do this! Please tell them to stop!" The guy turned towards the crowd, "Please, let me handle this." He smiled and with hands up, wished them a good day and waved them away. I let him lead me to the other side of his SUV. He asked me to please get inside to just move out of the way and avoid the ongoing view of onlookers. I was agreeable to this, even though I had no idea who he was and what was happening. Then he drove to a spot on the far side of the parking lot, stopped and shut the car off.

He spoke first seeing my withering frame slump in the seat. "Okay, you're good." The guy put a friendly hand to my shoulder. "My name is Ben. Ben Simon. I hope you're comfortable here with me. I'm just someone looking out for you, not the enemy. Take a minute." I couldn't escape the flashback that immediately found me in this car sitting next to someone but not the someone I feared. It was a moment in time when push came to shove. That's what made me sink back to memory lane. I looked to this kind face but a horror befell me when I saw past him to a person I no longer wanted to EVER see again in my life. It was my father and he was lurking in an imaged moment. Christmas time became a horror show as the shouting and swearing I heard was not in the now but years ago when I was just a kid. 

We moved to a little town where the house we rented was small and smelled funny. That's what I recall. It wasn't until a year ago that I found out someone had died in that house and wasn't found for awhile. My mother and father scrubbed the place from top to bottom. It was not ideal since my father kept blaming all of us for the reason he had to take a crummy job and live 'in this swill hole' as I remember he said more than once. But, it became a time in my life when entering a new school became a great place where I made some good friends. As the end of the year came, the Christmas season was everybody's favorite time. The teachers made this a fun and reflective time for us all. It was the only place I would feel any joy. Home was not the place Christmas ever a happy time of year. My mother would decorate with the few scraps of colored paper, ribbon and ornaments saved from childhood. When my father would come home from work. Christmas songs from the radio would cause him to get so mad. "This is not making me happy so why is it on?" He would shout to my mother and then it always ended with him belittling her for wasting time and paper. "Stop this nonsense. We don't have enough for your petty little projects." Dinner was in silence after he had his say. Then he'd head off to mope in a corner with a bottle of whiskey. My brother and I could only get up and give our mother a quiet hug. She was sad and we knew it. Our life was not a happy time in the house. This became the tradition every year. For most families it seemed there was an overflow of decorations, fun family times, holiday treats and so many presents. Afterwards we'd be back at school and my brother and I could only lie our way through this time of year. We made up so many stories it was almost believable to us. Some years it became a game between us as we just kept adding more to the plate. Our friends were in awe of our ride with Santa on his sleigh that it felt like we really went on this adventure. 

Then high school came and the two of us fell out of the club. We started hanging with ones that wore the same shoes. We had to keep going to school and barely got by. Our mother was now living with her sister in another state. There was no contact. Our father pretty much boarded up the house and lived as a recluse. We stayed away as much as we could and only came home to sleep and pick through whatever food there was left over. It was my turn. "I'll stop by the store and get a few things. Ok? You keep the house settled whatever that means with you-know-who." It was terrible to have to take turns keeping an eye on our father as he was now let go from his job. Too much alcohol put his employment on hold for who knew how long. We had to make do with food bank donations. Our mother left us just the smallest bank account to pay for necessities. It was not much at all. 

I had gone to the store when the Christmas vibe turned me upside down. After attempting to get out and away and nearly getting hit, some guy was the kinder soul and helped me. Here I now sit with him in his truck trying to figure out the way back to a life I had hoped would be real. 

"I'm sorry about all of this," I said offering to be a nicer person. "My name is Jake Bradford. My brother and I don't have a good home life in case you were reading into my stupid actions." I put my face down shook my head. "This time of year is not a good time for us." I glanced over to this guy and he nodded. I hope he understood. "I am not that person you saw today. There is a good future in my cards and I have to know who's hand I'm being dealt." I put my best face toward him and stated," My father is not who I am or ever want to be." I nodded sincerely with determination.

"Well, I sense there's more to you, Jake, than the obvious first impression." He smiled and I got a feeling he was here to tell me more. Was this a moment for me being in the right time at the right place? Our talk turned into a question and answer quiz. I was not lying to him about some shady moments but I knew there was a turn up ahead in my life. I told him graduation would happen this year with my C average grades. There was no future plans other than a job in the trades but I was determined to be the better person in our family. I hoped, but knew that my brother would follow suit next year. 

Ben Simon said the one and only thing that brought closure to the day and one that would define this moment forever for Jake. "I am Sgt. Ben Simon and an Army Recruiter. It would be my honor to have you come by the office for further information and fill out a questionnaire for your interest and career field. Merry Christmas! How's that?"

My chin dropped, mouth opened to say something but I only heard myself say, "Absolutely. I'm in!"