As Far As I Can See

— Monday:

Her eyes wandered along the series of doors looking for the right number. The sterile hospital lighting gleamed off every surface. The piercing light was almost enough to spark an instant headache. ‘115B or maybe it was 151B,’ she thought. She pulled the phone from her pocket and opened up the email again. 

“…room 115B…”

‘So it was 115B.’ She could swear she was at least a bit dyslexic at times. 113, 114, and there it was 115B. The door appeared to be standard hospital office room issue. Cheap looking wood with a rectangle of frosted glass. White letters ran across the middle of it. The only word she noticed was laboratory, which was enough to let her know she was in the right place. The door was slightly ajar, but she knocked anyway. A man opened it.

“Hello?” He said.

“Hi,” she replied, unsure of what exactly to say.

“And who would you be?” he said, with a friendly albeit confused smile.

“I’m Lucy,” she paused expectantly. “Lucy Romanov. The new intern.”

The man’s eyes lit with comprehension. “Oh yes, Esteban said something about you yesterday.” He turned and called back into the room. “Es! The new intern’s here.” He ushered Lucy through the door. “Here, come on in.”

She walked through the door and took in her new surroundings. The lab looked almost exactly as she had imagined. Chemistry instruments in every direction, most of which she recognized, but there were a few that were new to her.

The man who had greeted her reached out his hand somewhat awkwardly.

“I’m Tad Graham by the way,” he said.

She shook his hand. It was sweaty. Or maybe that was her hand. She couldn’t blame him if it was his hand. She was always nervous meeting new people too.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, unsure as always about how long a normal handshake should last.

Tad gazed at her eyes, seemingly lost in thought. After a few seconds he broke eye contact and turned to Esteban who had walked up next to them.

“Oh, there you are. Esteban, this is Lucy,” Tad thought for second. “Romanov,” he remembered, with a satisfied smile.

“Ah yes. Is it one o’clock already? Heavens! Time really does fly.” He sighed in a thinking tone. “Well, lovely to meet you Miss Romanov, I’m Esteban Diaz. If you follow me I’ll explain something of what the job is going to look like and we can get some forms filled out so you can get started.”

“Sounds good,” said Lucy with a nod. She turned to Tad and smiled. “Nice meeting you Tad.”

“Yeah, nice meeting you too,” he said hurriedly.

As Esteban lead Lucy towards the office attached to the lab, another man walked up beside Tad. The man was in his early forties and on the overdraft side of slim. 

“Hey Tad I… Hey! Deer in the headlights much? What’s up?” He asked as Tad didn’t seem to register his presence. 

“Sorry. What’d you say John?” Asked Tad, still in a bit of a daze.

“Ohh I see,” his coworker chuckled. “Doe eyes for the new girl is it?”

“What? No of course not!” He retorted. Then in response to his coworker’s raised eyebrows. “I’m serious John, that’d be completely unprofessional. Besides you’re imagining things. I was just thinking about something that’s all.”

“Yeah, the new girl.”

“Oh shut up. And her name’s Lucy. You should learn it or you’re gonna get HR down herein you keep calling her new girl.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not surprised you know her name.”

Tad scowled.

John Laughed.

— 3 Weeks Later, Friday Afternoon:

As Tad drove home from another routine day at the Bloomfield Hospital lab, he saw a notification pop up over the GPS on his phone. The name ‘Richie’ scrolled across the screen. It was his older brother calling. He answered on his car’s hands-free system.

“Hey Rich. What’s up?”

“What’s up is I’m at your apartment waiting to school you at poker. Where you at?” Went the booming voice over the car speakers. Tad had the volume too high from music and Richie really didn’t need help being loud anyway.

“Why are you there already? I thought…”

“What?” Crackled Ritchie. “I can’t hear you on the stupid car phone! Switch to your regular phone like a normal person.”

“That’s illegal!” Tad projected, as if he was talking to a deaf geriatric.

“What?”

“Oh for goodness sake,” muttered Tad. He picked up his phone and switched off the car audio. ‘If I get pulled over for this I’m blaming my brother,’ he thought peevishly. “Is that better?”

“Hey! I can hear you! It’s a miracle,” said his brother mockingly.

“How funny. Now why are you at my apartment so early?”

“Early? You said 6 right?”

Tad sighed. “No I said 8.”

“Well your text says 6. I was wondering why you weren’t answering.”

“I’m on my way back from work. I’ll be there in a few,” he said, trying not to be irritated. He had thought he would at least have time to shower and breathe for a second before his firework of a brother got there.

Richie began to reply in a droll tone. “Oh of course, not to rush you my fair…” 

Tad hung up.

— Friday Night, Tad’s Apartment:

Richie sat back in his chair and tossed his cards onto the table “Alright, I think I’m gonna have to call it a night.”

“What, scared you might start losing if we play another round?” Joked Tad.

“Trust me the thought never crossed my mind. If there’s one thing I can count on in this world, It’s you being bad at poker.” He chuckled a little too loud at his own joke. “Besides, I promised Jenny and the boys we could go up to the mountain for a hike tomorrow, which means we gotta leave early morning.

Tad nodded. “Lame excuse Rich, but alright.” 

Normally Richie would stay a bit later when they got together every other Friday night. Then again, he couldn’t be mad at his brother for having family plans. Deep down he knew the fact that Richie was willing to spend time with him so often was at least partially an act of kindness. After all, Richie had a loving wife and two young sons to spend time with, along with plenty of other friends nearby. Tad knew one of the reasons that his brother made time for him was to try to help him not be such a ‘hermit’ as Rich would call him. Tad didn’t have many close friends. He was painfully shy and absentminded almost all the time. Not extremely helpful characteristics when it came to spending time with others. Hence why his brother was always suggesting that they go out to some social event whenever possible. That was Richie. Always trying to coax and sometimes downright tear Tad out of his shell.

As Richie walked towards the door, he turned to his younger brother.

“Look, before I leave, I gotta ask.” 

“I’d rather you didn’t,” sighed Tad. He knew what his brother was about to say.

“Have you asked her out yet?” He said, with a slightly cringing smile. Richie was well aware that this subject was something like walking on hot coals. It had to be done cautiously.

“No of course not. I told you I’m not interested.”

“Oh come on!” His older brother exclaimed. “You do realize I know you right? Even if I wasn’t your brother, Uncle James could’ve spotted this.”

Uncle James was legally blind.

“Ok you’re exaggerating.”

“Am I?” Said the older brother, with raised eyebrows. “You sure do mention her a lot for someone you’re not interested in.”

“You’re crazy Rich,” Tad said, exasperated. “You're reading way too much into this. Anyway, didn't you say you have to get home?”

“Sure. I’m the crazy one.” He shook his head in temporary defeat. “You know I’m gonna keep bugging you about this.”

“I’m sure. Just so long as you do it some other time.”

He closed the door.

— Friday Night, Across Town:

Lucy scrubbed the dishes more vigorously as she spoke. 

“Mom I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I’m tired, alright? Just drop it for now,” she said.

“Don’t shoot the messenger honey. I’m just telling you what’s perfectly obvious to anyone with eyes,” said Deborah Romanov as she carefully dried the dishes they had just used for dinner.

“You’re imagining things mom. Just because you want to get me married off as quickly as possible doesn’t mean that every man I mention once or twice is my future husband.”

“You know I don’t think that.” She paused deliberately. “But the fact that you mentioned this man, a lot more than once or twice, could mean that you should at least give him a chance at the role of future husband.”

“Why are you such a…mother?” Said Lucy with a slight roll of the eyes.

Deborah rebuked, “Because God gave me you. Which makes me a mother whether or not either of us likes it at times.” Her face softened towards her daughter. “Honey, you know I’m just trying to look out for you. You need companionship, and me moving in here after your father passed doesn’t exactly count.”

“I know it comes from love Mom, but I’m telling you, he’s just someone from work. He’s a friend at best.”

“Alright, I’ll leave it.”

“Thank you.”

“For now.” Deborah smiled mischievously.

— Three Weeks Later, Friday Night:

“Thanks again for dinner Rich,” said Tad, leaning back on the patio couch.

From the chair next to him, his brother said,“Nothing beats BBQ does it?” A proud grin spread across Richie’s face. “And no one beats me grilling BBQ.”

A mock bow of the head from Tad. “You are the grill master.”

Richie chuckled. “You liked it enough to eat three servings,” he jibed.

“I did and now I might regret that,” he said, putting his hand to his stomach. “I don’t think I’ll need to eat for a few days.”

“You could use the time off.”

They both laughed.

After a few moments of happy silence, Tad turned to his brother. “Congrats again on the news. That’s awesome.”

“Thanks Tad. It is. Though part of me wonders if three kids will be too much for us.”

“You’re kidding, right?” A kind smile showed on Tad’s face in dim light of solar torches. “You were made for this. You’re an absolute pro at being a dad. I mean it.”

“Given that you’ve only said around three heartfelt things to me in our lives—and that was one of them—ok I’ll trust you.” Richie laughed to himself. “Hey, maybe this time it’ll be a girl. That’d be a welcome change. A lot fewer holes in the wall and hospital visits I’d hope.”

“Yeah maybe. You never know I guess. I’m not sure you have the instructions for a girl though,” joked Tad, as he looked up at the stars.

“Oh what do you know anyway.”

“Not much.”

A pause, then Richie started slowly. “Speaking of which.”

“Oh no.”

“Told you I wouldn’t stop. The new baby’s got me thinking even more. Time doesn’t stop for you just because you won’t make time for the important things that I know you want,” said Richie, with a genuine air.

“I know,” grumbled his brother.

“Life is more than work.”

“I know!”

“Then why don’t you at least try!” Richie paused to compose himself. “I know you Tad, and I know that you want what I have. I’m not saying you’re jealous of me. I’m only saying I know you’ve seen how happy Jenny and the kids have made me, and how good they’ve been for me. I know you want that too and I don’t blame you. I’m blessed, man! I just wish I could help you find that kind of joy for yourself, but you make it so much harder than it needs to be.”

“I…” Tad started.

“Not done,” said his brother, as only an older brother can. “You act like it’s rocket science and it’s not. It’s simple! You try. You ask. Sometimes you get rejected, but guess what, that’s life. It won’t kill you. You know how I found Jenny? I saw her across the college cafeteria, thought she was cute, and asked her out on a date. It’s that simple.”

“I know, I know. You just don’t understand that it’s not the same for me. You have the perfect easy story, but it’s not like that for me. It’s not that easy,” said Tad.

“Why not? I’m not saying you’re guaranteed a soulmate, but I also can’t guarantee you won't miss your soulmate by not asking.”

“We’re not even the same age.”

“She’s what, two years younger than you? I’ve got news for you. You’re an adult. You’re not in school anymore and you haven't been for a long time. Two years is barely anything. I know that's not your real problem!”

“Fine!” shouted Tad. He quieted down, thinking of Jenny and the kids asleep inside. “You want to know the real problem?”

“Yes! Of course.”

“I’m scared!”

— Friday Night, Across Town:

“Mom I thought we agreed,” said Lucy with an exasperated smile.

“I never agreed to anything. I’m just trying to understand you honey,” her mother said, patiently. “You’ve always said you wanted to settle down. Find a good man like your father and start a family. Is that not true anymore?”

“No, that’s not it mom. You know I still want that. It’s just complicated.”

“I don’t see why it has to be.” Deborah shook her head. “Your entire generation has made love so unnecessarily complicated. Why do you all feel the need to add so many levels of difficulty? Life’s hard enough without that. You found a man who, as far as you can tell is kind, caring, and about as even tempered as Winnie the Pooh. You don't need to have an autobiography before going out with someone. I'm not saying you should go propose to him, but it wouldn't hurt to let him know you're interested.”

“It’s not that easy mom!” Lucy exclaimed.

“Why not?”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“What I’m too old to understand human emotion?” Questioned her mother.

“Kind of.” She put up her hands peaceably at her mother’s scowl. “I don’t mean you’re senile I just mean this is a different time than when you met dad. Relationships are different.”

“I may be old fashioned, but I don’t think time and generational differences should change something so simple,” said her mother. “Why not at least try?”

“Because…I’m scared.”

“Oh honey…”

“No I mean it. You don’t see what I do. It’s plastered all over social media constantly. All guys want is some entertainment, some fun, they don’t want love anymore. Yes, he seems nice, but for all I know he’s just another alpha male type guy who just wants hook ups and thats it.” She paused as her voice caught slightly. “You’re right that I want a good guy like Dad. I’m just not sure they exist anymore. I don’t want to be used and hurt! And as far as I can see that’s all there is anymore. So yes mom, I’m scared to do something so simple because it just isn’t anymore.”

Tears broke from her eyes.

— Friday Night, Richie and Jenny’s House:

Richie looked confused. “Scared? Of what? Look I know you weren’t always the big ladies man, but I promise, asking a girl out is not that scary.”

“You don’t understand,” groaned Tad.

“What do you mean? I just said I had to go through the same thing with Jenny. You can’t just expect a girl to magically become your wife without you asking her out on a date first.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?” Asked Richie.

“It’s a generational thing I guess.”

“You say that like I grew up in the 1800’s.”

“No, but you’re a decade older than me Rich,” said Tad.

“Nine years, seven months as I remember,” interjected the older brother.

“Right, but still. Things are different now than they were when you and Jenny were dating. You guys got together in college too, and I hate to tell you this, but that was a while ago. It’s different now. Just look on any social media app, every other post is about how dating and marriage is old fashioned and men and women are better of on their own, independent. That’s all we know and as far as I can see, I’m the only one who doesn’t believe that. Have you seen how many guys have been dragged through the mud for hitting on a girl the wrong way. I know I told you she doesn’t seem like the kind to do that, but I can’t know that. If I try to ask her out and come on too strong or make a mistake, I could end up being the next in a long line of idiots who thought they had a chance. For all I know, if it went badly HR could get involved and I could lose my job. I want to believe she’s different, I really do. When I was younger I used to think it would be as simple as you had it. Now, I’m just at the point where I think I have to accept that the love I want doesn’t exist anymore. Even if it does, everything’s gotten too difficult and complicated for me to see. I don’t want to be independent, I want a partner. I want someone who will love me not just be in love with me for the fun parts. And I don’t think that’s an option anymore. Yeah Rich I’m scared. So no I’m not gonna try. Not now. Not ever.”