Shades of Palm

Her grandmother’s was a soft shade of green, gentle and rolling like Minnesota grass, nestled between her fingers. Four brilliant marks where her grandfather’s fingers fit just right. His were an identical shade, curving up around his knuckles. Her mother’s palm was alight with iridescent blue tucked in her fate line, while her father’s sung blue along his life line. They glowed bright whenever they held hands.

Her aunt and uncle shared a bright yellow. Her brother-in-law matched purple with purple with her sister. The top of her high school calculus teacher’s hand had pink strokes in the shape of a heart, where her now-husband’s fingertips brushed against hers.

Gentle marks with gentle colors, a gleaming celebration of love and soulmates. Two souls destined to be together forever, entwined with matching hues. A tattoo they could never wash off.

Not all of them were gentle. Hattie, her middle school best friend, her mom had a violent red mark across her cheek that matched perfectly with her father’s left fist. A cruel Scarlet Letter for all the world to see.

She carefully dabbed concealer across the now-fading outline of an unmatched dark mark on her cheek. When she was younger, she loved the mark. She felt mysterious, special, waiting for a touch to bloom on her cheek as he brushed away an eyelash and stared lovingly into her eyes—the breath before the first kiss of forever.

She even loved matching Hattie’s mom, back before she understood some touches were not kind and loving, and some soulmates were not gentle or forever. She knew better now. Did better now. Hid her mark so no one was tempted to see if their knuckles fit her cheek. Hattie’s mom never escaped. She would be different.

All her friends were married, their birthmarks blooming from dark to bright in tandem with their respective lovers. Some had kids, others traveled, and everyone seemed happier for it. Then there was her: single for ages, too broke to travel, and still hiding a mark of shame.

It was better this way. No fears about the black eye that would inevitably come with the first touch from the cruel person the universe designated for her. She would rather eat rats for the rest of her life than suffer Hattie’s mom’s fate. There is no love in violence. She learned her lesson on the backs of all the women before her.

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She unpinned the curls from the top of her head and shook her hair out. One final swipe of lip gloss, one final head-to-toe sweep, one final deep breath, and she was ready.

Her Uber driver, Arturo, pulled up to the steps of her townhome just as she locked the door. He rolled down the window and yelled, “Lina Ortega?”

“Coming!”

Saint Paul sped past her window, squatty buildings and changing leaves transforming into sleek skyscrapers and funky street art of Minneapolis almost before she had time to summon her People Are Fun mask. It wasn’t that she didn’t like going out or didn’t like her friends. Rather, history taught her tonight would likely be another attempt at smushing her together with one of their single co-workers or dateless cousins.

Lina was perfectly happy at home with her roommate and her cat.

Her friends all seemed to think she was lying.

And Anna got real dodgy about plans for the evening. Which clearly meant they were up to no good.

“Out for some fun tonight?” Arturo’s question cut through her thoughts.

“Allegedly.” Lina offered a tight-lipped smile as their eyes met in the rearview mirror. A shiver ran down her spine when his dark eyes crinkled in a smile. She made herself look away. “You know how people can be.”

“Delightful, fallible creatures who are just trying to enjoy their ride hurtling through space?”

She laughed, short and sweet. “I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

“It’s all how you decide to look at it.” The car slid to a smooth stop at a light and he went right back to staring her down in the rearview mirror. She felt… seen.

But Arturo had a dim mark across the nape of his neck, a deep shade of blue or maybe purple. The mark started at the base of his neck and disappeared into his dark hair. A clear sign he was taken, and his chat was to pass the time, nothing more.

Did his lover drape their hand across the back of his neck before they leaned in for a kiss? Did it send his blood racing and his thoughts spinning? Or was it a timid hug, full of yearning?

Lina studied his reflection in the rearview mirror. He probably went in for the kiss. Did his partner have gentle fingerprints on their sides as he leaned in? Did they spend their lives in butterflied anticipation for their first true love’s kiss?

She shook the aching thoughts she’d never get to experience as the car came to an abrupt stop outside The Local, an Irish pub Lina’s friends chose for the evening. She loved The Local. They had great cheese curds and all the dark beer she could get her hands on. All the more reason she was frustrated they would shove someone’s reject cousin in her face.

Lina spied them at a booth near the front windows, already loud and gesturing wildly at each other. It made her smile. This is why she kept coming. Her friends were fun. Meddlesome as hell, but also a delight. She counted the faces and found them all recognizable. Her jaw unclenched, just a touch. Maybe tonight really was just for fun?

“Thanks for the ride.” Lina hopped out.

Before she could shut the door, he said, “Remember, you’re made of stardust. Forget the haters.”

Lina paused, a surprised grin fighting its way to her lips. He was cute. But he also had an intimate mark in an intimate place. Her eyes wandered his way, but she couldn’t see his left hand to look for a ring. She told herself she only wanted to look because his remarks caught her off guard, nothing more. Arturo was a stranger, working a job. And she was late for dinner.

She settled for, “You too?” and quickly shut the door. Lina closed her eyes to mentally wipe the moment from her mind. Tonight was for fun, not another mid-life crisis.

“Trouble’s here!” Tony’s voice rang out the moment she entered the bar.

“Late as usual,” Peter pointed at her with a half-empty pint glass. “She’s trying to get out of paying me my dues.”

“Falsehoods, gentlemen!” Lina grasped her chest dramatically before shaking off her jacket. “I’m here, am I not? Ready to offer my penance.”

“Don’t encourage this bullshit,” Anna groaned. “They’ll keep this up the whole night.”

Lilah squinted at her. “Lina likes it when they ape around like idiots.”

“I do.” Lina grinned.

“Apes?” Tony pretended to glower at his wife, making his mark shine. He turned red every time he drank Irish whiskey, making his soul mark stand out prominently under his shirt.

Lina remembered the day Tony’s mark finally shed its placeholder and burned green. They waited in line for sandwiches, idly chatting about their class schedule for the day, when Anna appeared before him. She put both hands on his chest, pressed him against the wall, and kissed him.

Before he could protest, she sauntered off and plucked a faded $20 from an outstretched hand at the table she came from. Everyone gasped as soon as she raised her hands to take the money. Her palms were green. His chest above his t-shirt was green.

Their cheeks were brilliantly, adorably red. It was Lina’s favorite meet-cute.

“Whatever. Come sit. We want you to meet someone.” Peter patted the seat next to him.

It was then that Lina finally looked around and realized not everyone at the table had a recognizable face. There was a stranger in the midst. Seated at their table. Smiling cautiously over a pint of Guinness.

Panic set in. She didn’t expect this. Tonight was for fun, not ambushes. Lilah promised.

“I told you not to spring this on her.” Anna swatted at her husband, concern etched on her face as soon as she locked eyes with Lina. “She hates this shit.”

“I um,” Lina’s mouth opened and shut like a drowning fish.

“This time is different,” Tony promised.

“Come on, Lina.” Lilah’s voice was gentle. “Have a seat. We’ll have fun tonight.”

The whole vibe was wrong. Everyone stared at her, including the mystery man, who looked appropriately horrified. Was he just as clueless as her? “I forgot my purse in the Uber. I’ll be right back.”

Lina turned and fled from the room, leaving behind her jacket and their cries. “It’s on your shoulder!” Lilah called out. Lina didn’t care. She needed some fresh air and a minute to reassess every relationship in her life. Tears filled the edges of her vision, blurring the world around her so it looked just as distraught as she felt.

They knew. They knew why she didn’t want to meet anyone. They knew why she hid her mark and lived a contented life as a Cat Lady™. They knew. And they just didn’t care.

She followed the traffic down two blocks, shoving distance between her and her favorite pub. Tonight was supposed to be for fun. Tonight was supposed to be light and airy. They promised. They promised.

Lina collapsed on a bench and cradled her head in her hands. How could they claim to care about her and still set her up in these terrible situations? Every single one of them knew about her past, knew about Hattie’s mom, knew about the tangled situations she found herself in for years before she learned to unknot them with her vow of celibacy.

Jesus, didn’t “no” still mean “no”?

“Got a light?” A voice asked her.

She immediately curled around herself. Her jacket was in the pub, it was freezing outside, and now a stranger was talking to her. She had nothing to protect herself. Shit. “I don’t smoke. Smoking is gross.”

He snorted. “Everyone has a vice. Some are just smellier than others.”

She didn’t look up but recognized his voice as her Uber driver. What was he doing here? Did he follow her?

What would his lover say?

“You look cold.” Arturo edged closer, still keeping a respectful distance. “What happened to your jacket?”

“I got ambushed,” Lina murmured, too cold and shaken to keep her thoughts close to her chest.

“Ambushed by what?”

A sigh escaped her lips. When she looked up, he was staring intently. Waiting to listen. She swallowed hard. “It’s hard to be the only single friend in a world of couples.”

“Ahh.” Arturo gestured to the bench. “Mind if I sit?”

Lina scooted down to make room.

“I understand.” He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and spun it in his palm. “Everyone tries to set you up with everyone.”

“Relentlessly. Like it’s a crime to be single.”

“Like it’s an illness waiting to be cured.”

“Like this birthmark is a curse.”

Arturo laughed. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“I’m so serious.” Lina wrapped her arms tighter across her body as the wind picked up. Arturo made to take off his jacket, but she held out her hand. “I like the cold, I swear.”

“You’ll freeze.”

“Better than being in there.” Lina pointed back to The Local with her chin. “With assholes masquerading as my friends.”

Arturo said nothing, playing with the pack in his hands. “That’s why I got a fake one.”

Lina’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. She leaned back, trying to be inconspicuous, to take a better look at the dark mark on the back of his head. He turned so she could see.

“Looks legit, right?”

“How?”

“It’s a press-on.” Arturo chuckled. “I got tired of people touching me. Tired of my friends pushing me on dates.” He paused for a moment, traffic easing past them as a light turned green and bathed the intersection in bright light. “Found it on Etsy.”

“I need that link.”

“Get ready to make up a story about your new lover. Everyone wants to ask.”

“I’m not that creative.” Lina groaned. “Still, it’s a smart idea for the sheep-like masses.”

“You really don’t like people, huh?” Arturo nudged her shoe with his own. “Been burned before?”

“You have no idea.”

“Well, with friends like yours…”

It was Lina’s turn to laugh. “Yeah. Well… yeah.”

They fell into a comfortable silence as a group of women wearing Bachelorette sashes strutted past them in tall heels and taller hair. Lina wondered what that would be like, preparing for a wedding, dumping all the money she’d worked so hard to save into a single party that wasn’t even for her.

Even her own bitterness made her laugh. What a cliche she was.

“Where’s yours?” Arturo broke the silence.

“Hidden.” Her voice carried all the weight of the words she refused to speak.

Arturo pulled his left arm out of his jacket and rolled up his sleeve. In the middle of his forearm was a small mark, unassuming and dark. It might as well have been a real birthmark rather than a soul mark. For a fleeting instant, she considered resting her finger on his arm.

She didn’t know this man. He’s supposed to be in an Uber, carting around other people. He was supposed to be so far gone by now.

Fear trickled through her. Did he follow her? Was he trying to get something out of her?

As quietly as she could, she slid further down the bench. Arturo noticed immediately, his face pinched with realization. He jumped to his feet and backed several feet away.

“I stopped for a bathroom break.” He nodded towards the Target they were sitting outside of. “I swear. I don’t make a habit of following around pretty girls. You just… looked like you needed company.”

Lina cocked an eyebrow at him, torn between blatant disbelief and the bright desire to believe someone, somewhere, was a decent human.

“I should leave you be.” Arturo said it more to himself than to her. “Can I give you a ride back home or something? I’m right here. No charge; call it penance for disturbing you.”

His offer was so tempting, but she shook her head. “My jacket is back at the bar. I should really get going before they come looking for me.”

“You sure?”

Lina stood, eyes trained on the pub. Her friends hadn’t popped out of the front door yet, but her phone hadn’t stopped vibrating since she sat. They would inevitably be out here soon, hauling around the stranger she didn’t want to see.

“On second thought, what’s a jacket?” Lina sniffed against the chill in the air and turned to Arturo. “Can you take me home? I’ll pay. You’re working.”

“Unnecessary. But absolutely.” He pulled off his jacket and offered it to her. “Please. You’ll be warmer this way.”

Lina hesitated.

“It’s the least I can do.”

“You’re literally driving me home.”

“I should have known better than to bother a woman sitting by herself.” Arturo shrugged. “My ma would kill me if I left you in the cold, though.”

“Can’t disappoint ma.” Lina smiled softly.

“She’d kill me.”

“That would be sad.” The words fell from her lips, and she was surprised to see she meant them. She tried to lighten it by adding, “Then she’d be locked up for murder.”

“My ma’s a tough cookie, but she doesn’t belong in jail. I came over here to protect her, see?” Arturo extended his jacket once more. “Come on, Stardust. Don’t be sad and cold.”

Lina couldn’t stop the warmth that spread through her as she relented and slid the jacket on. It smelled of his cologne, woody and musky. It was nice.

“Here.” Arturo reached behind her and pulled the hood up over her head. His fingers softly brushed the hair from her eyes. The world stopped moving and her breath stopped dead in her lungs. His touch was so gentle, so kind.

Who are you? She wanted to ask. Where did you come from?

But she didn’t because his jaw slacked open and his eyes widened. He reached for her cheek once more, hesitated, and studied his fingers. Confusion crawled across his face.

“Is everything okay...?” She carefully touched her face, where his fingers had just lingered, and a jolt of realization hit her. Her mark.

But his mark wasn’t on his fingers. It was on his arm.

“You said it was… hidden?” Arturo’s voice was thick. He stared at his fingertips.

Without thinking, without breathing, without any sense in the world, Lina reached for his arm. The moment her fingers brushed his forearm, electricity ran through her limbs and down to her feet. She jumped back, shocked.

His arm glowed a brilliant pink and his cheeks glowed red.

Lina fumbled for her phone in her pocket and opened the camera app. As soon as she flipped it into selfie mode, she saw it plain as day—her cheek was pink, not the color of her concealer, but a deep, sumptuous pink.

“You.” Arturo’s fingertips whispered across her cheek. The world held its breath as they locked eyes, and their hearts slowed to a marching rhythm. He repeated the word before his lips crushed hers, echoing the yearning she’d felt in her heart for years. Years. “You.”