"Re-Remember"

Theodore starts his new job today. He recently transferred departments because he never fit in with the nightmare crew. His optimism and positivity resulted in lots of teasing from the cynical and negative workers in charge of nightmares.

This was his third time transferring in the past year, and he was praying that the Memory Department would be a good fit; he couldn’t stand the thought of transferring one more time. As he looked at his reflection in his mirror, he adjusted his tie one last time and took a few deep breaths. He had chosen a purple tie with white spots on it. He liked the way it complimented his pale blue complexion.

This is it. This will be the job for me. I’m going to make a difference here and really help.

He closed and locked his door, leaving his cave behind for the day.

The Stream of Consciousness station was only a few minutes walk from his home, and the boat was already waiting for him.

“Theodore! First day of the new job eh?” Reggie tipped his captain hat as Theodore boarded the boat.

“Sure is Reg. Hoping this one will be a good fit. I’m so tired of not fitting in anywhere in this brain.”

Reggie was one of Theodore’s only friends. He captained the riverboat (Lolly) that sailed all throughout the brain on the Stream of Consciousness.

“You got this pal. They’re gonna love you at Memory.”

“You know you say that every time I transfer?”

“Well this time I’m sure.”

“That too.”

“Gosh Ted. All these transfers are doing a number on your optimism.”

Theodore sighed. He knew it was true. With each passing day he felt his own mind decaying a bit. This world seemed bent on breaking him down. He knew Lola was struggling mentally and that was why all the departments were on the darker side these days. Since she was diagnosed with depression and anxiety everyone had been scrambling a bit. Good people were fired and there were new people running everything with depression and anxiety as their focus. All Theodore wanted was to be a source of light for her, but that just made him a black sheep amongst every crowd.

Theodore was one of the oldest brain workers for Lola. He’d been there since she was born, meaning the newer companies couldn’t fire him completely. When she was little he worked in the Imagination Department. He loved his job, his life, and Lola. As she got older that department downsized, until he was no longer needed. Now he’d yet to find another department where his gifts could truly help Lola thrive.

⋯

Memory Department grew bigger in Theodore’s mind as Lolly approached. It consisted of large glass dome buildings that glistened in the light. Wrapping around the buildings were many transparent gray tubes. Theodore noticed something travelling through the tubes, but they moved too fast for him to know what they were.

“What a sight!” Reggie marveled as he parked at the station.

“Thanks for the ride Reggie.”

“You got it. Knock em’ dead pal.”

Theodore nodded and turned to face the huge building ahead of him.

Deep breaths. Believe. This is for Lola.

Theodore was greeted by a pale pink brain worker behind the front desk. She had thin glasses and a floral scarf.

“Hi! Welcome to Memory Department! I’m Deb, how can I help you?” Her smile stretched wide across her face.

“My name is Theodore, I just transferred here and was told to ask for Frederick.”

“Hi Theodore! Give me just a second and I’ll let Frederick know you’re here.” She dialed a few numbers on the phone and informed the other person of Theodore’s arrival.

“Theodore!” A booming voice entered the room a few minutes later. It belonged to a forest green brain worker with a navy blue tie and a black hat. “I’m Frederick! I’ll be your supervisor here, come with me.”

He shook Theodore’s hand and led him through a maze of hallways. Along the walls of each room they passed were various filing cabinets filled with papers and cds—Lola’s memories. Everything was neatly organized and labeled, something Theodore appreciated.

“Here we are. Here’s your desk and the main workers you’ll be working with. I’ll check-in each day a couple of times but you’ll largely be on your own.” Frederick showed Theodore to his desk, and the other brain workers in the room looked up to wave. “You’ll notice at the front of the room that screen,” he waved his hand toward a large television. “That is where your daily assignments will appear. Your main job is to provide Lola with certain memories based on the various situations she finds herself in. One of the largest parts of this is making sure she’s prepared for anything that might happen. We do this by reminding her of past memories or thoughts. This section of Memory is largely run by Anxiety, which means we need to use memories that can trigger enough anxious thoughts for Lola to know all possible situations she might end up in. Your background in Imagination should be beneficial as you can help imagine more potential situations based on past memories.”

Theodore was listening carefully, but already feeling misplaced (yet again). He didn’t want to use his experience in Imagination to scare Lola, that’s why he never fit in at the Nightmare Department.

I just need to work carefully. I won’t scare her, just make sure she’s prepared and can utilize her skills to act accordingly.

He tried to adjust his thoughts and think of how he can best help Lola here.

“This here is Travis,” Frederick introduced Theodore to a red brain worker examining files at his desk. “Travis is the lead on this floor, and the man to go to whenever you have a question, although everybody here will be more than happy to help you if he’s ever busy. He’ll be getting you started and training you.”

Travis smiled a slightly cold smile as he shook Theodore’s hand.

“Any questions before I leave you to it?” Frederick asked.

“Nope, I think I’m good. Looking forward to getting started.”

“That’s what I like to hear! Happy to have you here Theodore!”

Theodore smiled as confidently and self-assured as he could, “Happy to be here! Thanks Frederick.”

Frederick gave Theodore a small salute and left the room.

Theodore found his desk and set down his briefcase. He began to slightly organize the supplies, when he heard a grunt behind him. Travis had silently spawned by his side.

“Oh! Hello!” Theodore smiled.

“Hi. Welcome to Memory.” Travis showed little to no emotion as he spoke.

“Thank you very much, I'm excited to be here!”

“Why?”

“Pardon?”

“Why are you excited?”

“Oh. Well, I’ve been looking for something new and think I’ll be able to really help here. I really want to help Lola as much as I can!”

“Huh,” Travis shrugged, maintaining his emotionless voice. A bell was ringing and echoing throughout the room. “Well, there’s a new assignment arriving, so let me show you what we do.”

Theodore nodded quickly and followed Travis to the screen, where words were rapidly appearing next to a real-time video from Lola’s view. She appeared to be looking at a crowd of people, her classmates.

Anxiety: Public speaking

Lola is about to give a presentation on her research topic. She has been studying the effects of global warming on Alaskan glaciers. She has done a fair amount of research but could’ve done more. She has no friends in this class and one of her tormentors is seated in the back of the class, gossiping with friends. Lola’s last presentation for this class got a B, but the teacher commented that she needs to work on her presenting skills. Her tormentor, Kelly, teased her about her last presentation for several days.

Key Words: Kelly, grades, gossip, presenting skills, research

“Workers from another floor analyze the situation and provide us with the necessary information. The screen then shows what Lola is seeing and provides description and context about the situation. It lists whatever triggered a potential anxiety so we can best know what memories to provide. It also provides several key words from the summary that could be useful when we search memories.” Travis explains. Other workers were reading the screen and then rapidly pulling up files on their computers.

“Your computer has a search engine where you can retrieve files on any memory relevant to your search. You can start with key words and add more that you feel might be useful. Files will show memories and you select those that must be useful. Submit your request and other workers in the building retrieve the cds containing each memory. They get sent through these chutes all throughout the building.” He shows Theodore gray tubes like the ones he noticed around the building earlier. Numerous cds were appearing as the workers were summoning various memories.

“Put the memories you’ve retrieved in the cd players on the table next to your desk. Lola will be reminded of them and utilize the memories as she makes decisions in this scenario.”

“Okay, I get it. So for this scenario we’d find memories of Lola’s school successes and times where she did well on presentations, right? To boost her confidence.”

Travis stared at Theodore with a puzzled look on his face.

“Oh, or we could just find memories of past bullies and how to best stand up to them? Or remind Lola of how great she is so she worries less about what Kelly thinks?”

Theodore was going with his gut, but could tell it wasn’t right. Travis remained dumbfounded. As Theodore looked around the room he noticed nearby workers looking up at him with puzzled looks on their faces.

“Um. No that’s not really the objective. We’re trying to validate Lola.”

“Yes!”

“To do so we validate her anxieties. We need to remind her of these things so that we can help her figure out anything that could happen,” Travis explained. “Look, keep watching. As the workers play the memories, the screen then shows us the things going through Lola’s mind.”

Theodore returned his attention to the television. Where the words had been there was now another video playing next to Lola’s vision. It was showing various memories of Lola’s that she was now remembering. Theodore only grew sadder as he watched.

In first grade Lola gave her first school presentation. She messed up numerous times and other classmates laughed at her during recess later that day.

In second grade there was a rumor that Lola had a speech impediment.

In fourth grade Lola auditioned for the school play. She got a small role but was bullied during rehearsals. On opening night she cried on stage and ran off.

Lola met Kelly in seventh grade. Kelly teased her about the freckles on her face and her large feet.

Lola gave a speech at her middle school graduation. She messed up her words.

Sophomore year of high school, Kelly started a rumor that Lola used to have a lisp. She was bullied about it for two years.

Theodore nearly teared up watching all of Lola’s memories. He hated seeing her sad. He hated knowing that right now, at this moment, she was reliving all of these things.

“See?”

Theodore was getting more and more frustrated by Travis’s lack of emotion.

He doesn’t even care about her! This doesn’t help her, it only hurts her.

“No.”

“Pardon?”

“I said: NO. This isn’t right!” Theodore elevated his voice so everyone in the room could hear him. “You guys aren’t helping her right now, you're only hurting her more! Watch, look at her live view. She’s struggling to remember what to say!”

“She’ll make sure she gets it right.”

“No! If anything, you’re only messing her up more! She’s so worried about what Kelly might say that she can barely focus on her project. Every memory you’re showing her is a bad memory.”

“That’s how we validate the anxieties.”

“You don’t need to validate the anxiety, you need to validate HER. Lola! Soothe her anxiety! Remind her of her strengths!” Theodore was standing on a chair now. He didn’t fully know what was coming over him, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t watch one more department try and hurt Lola. He didn’t care that Travis was currently calling Frederick and other supervisors.

“Do you guys even care about Lola? She’s our person. She loves nature and astronomy. She loves her lizard. She’s super smart. She’s kind. She’s Lola. She’s perfect the way she is. We’re here to help her thrive! This,” he gestured to the screen showing her bad memories, “this, it doesn’t help. This doesn’t prepare her. This SCARES her! You’re making her feel worse about herself. We don’t need to scare her, we need to remind her of everything that makes her great to help her BELIEVE.”

“Believe what?” One worker asked.

“Believe that anything could happen!” Travis tried to intervene.

“NO! Believe in herself! Look, watch.”

Theodore got off the chair and went to his desk. The workers in the room all crowded around him. He summoned various memories and started playing the CDs. He ignored Travis’s complaints.

“Look.” Theodore turned everyone’s attention to the screen.

Frederick and two other workers had entered the room. They were sitting in the corner speaking with Travis, who was extremely angry.

Lola’s first grade presentation got an A. The teacher gave her some pointers on how to improve her presenting skills, but told Lola she showed a lot of potential.

In second grade Lola met her best friend Sandy. When everyone was gossiping about Lola’s rumored speech impediment, Sandy took the time to get to know her. She showed Lola kindness and cared to learn the truth.

After the opening night of the school play, Lola’s mom talked with her for an hour before bed. She reminded Lola how much she loved her and tried to give her pointers. The next night, Lola made it through the play.

In seventh grade a boy told Lola that her freckles were cute. It made her blush and giggle.

Nobody noticed that Lola messed up her eighth grade speech. Her teacher told her she did great.

One day at lunch of Lola’s sophomore year, Sandy stood up on a table and told everyone that the rumor about Lola’s lisp was a lie. She stood up for her best friend, and even though Lola was bullied, she knew she had a few good people who loved her and knew the truth. Everyone who gossiped didn’t even know her.

“Now watch.” Theodore turned everyone’s attention from the memories to Lola’s view.

The perspective shifted upwards as Lola straightened her posture. She began speaking. She spoke with confidence and purpose. When she finished her presentation she took her seat in front of Kelly, who whispered in her ear that she sounded like an old man when she spoke. Lola ignored the comment and clapped for the next presenter.

The screen eventually faded to black. Everyone in the room was silent, including Travis.

Theodore still felt tears in his eyes, but they no longer felt sad. They were happy tears, proud tears. He was proud of Lola for her presentation and for ignoring Kelly’s mean words. It was the first time he’d seen her believe in herself in years.

“That… helped.” A lime green worker broke the silence.

“That’s not our job! We’re meant to validate anxieties.” Travis shouted.

“Travis.” Frederick spoke calmly, suggesting Travis remain quiet. He walked toward Theodore and watched him carefully.

Theodore did his best to remain calm and maintain his confidence. He held his head high so Frederick could see that he wasn’t intimidated or nervous.

“Theodore, how long have you been with Lola?” Frederick asked.

“Since she was born. I was with her on day one.”

“You really care about her.”

“More than anything.”

Frederick looked away briefly, then looked back at Theodore and smiled. “I’ve been here since day one too. I remember when everybody genuinely cared about Lola. Now everyone just gives in to whatever Anxiety and Depression tell them to because they don’t even know her enough to care. I haven’t met someone who really cared in a while.”

Theodore smiled, “Me neither. It doesn’t have to be this way. Anxiety and Depression don’t get to just ruin her life.”

“You’re right. I’ve been doing what they said because I wasn’t brave enough to try something different, but you’re right. This isn’t helping, and I don’t want to see Lola lose herself anymore than she already has.”

“We can start a change here. Now. We can start using her memories for good. Help her re-remember the good parts of her life rather than automatically showing her all the bad parts. Help her heal and learn to believe in herself.” Theodore spoke up so everyone in the room could hear him.

“They won’t like it. Anxiety and Depression.”

“How often do they visit Memory?” Theodore asked.

“Once every three months, and their last visit was just a week ago…” Frederick already seemed to know what Theodore was thinking.

Theodore smirked and looked around the room. Everyone was smiling at him slightly (except for Travis). “That means we have three months,” he said. “Three months to start changing the way we do things.”

“For Lola.”

“For Lola.” Theodore repeated.

“Let’s do it.”

The screen was lighting up with a new scenario.

“Theodore?” Frederick prompted him to give directions. Everyone was wondering how to proceed.

Theodore smiled, “Everybody, try to find GOOD memories! Where Lola feels strong. Help her believe in herself. Help her re-remember.”