Chasing Tides

Whoosh. Shh. The waves rose and fell around Alyssa as she floated in the sea one last time, completely at its mercy. With her ears submerged, the sound resonated in her head, drowning out her thoughts. The sun was beginning to show itself and she could feel its warmth on her closed eyelids. Dawn was near and she did not have much time left. She savored the coolness of the water and the rush of the waves, trying to memorize all the sensations that she had taken for granted until now. She would miss this.

This time tomorrow, she would be thousands of miles away in a new country, surrounded by new people, and living a new life. As much as she wanted to drift off for hours, she could not. There were too many things left to do and not enough time. Sylvester was bringing the suitcase at eight o’clock, Grace was bringing the baked goods at ten, and the flight was at three, but it was international so she had to be at the airport by twelve, and she still needed to pack. She took a deep breath. Her anxiety was threatening to disturb the peace she was feeling in this moment.

The sun started to beat down once the morning finally broke, bringing her back to reality. With a sigh, she slowly waded back to the shore, taking one last swim before getting out. The sand was hot beneath her feet, and she stepped quickly towards the shade of the large sea grape tree where she had left her things.

She dried off, looking around one last time. Something near the cliff caught her eye. There was a piece of driftwood thoroughly embedded in the sand. It looked like it had been there for a while. How had she never noticed it before? She eyed the sun-bleached object for a moment longer before moving on, wondering what else she had not noticed.

The walk back to the house felt shorter than she would have liked. She wished she had more time to take it all in; more time to appreciate the smell of the damp ground after the rain and the scent of fresh bread wafting across the field from the nearby bakery; more time to listen to the sound of sweet pan music drifting from the stadium up the road where they had daily practices, and to hear the laughter of the children playing every time she passed by the daycare around the corner. As she walked, they were already starting to feel unfamiliar. Once she was gone, she would slowly forget until these things were no longer even memories. But she could not think about that now, she had a flight to catch.

She walked up the rickety steps of the house and through the open front door.

“Mama! I’m back!” she called out. Her voice echoed through the large room as she searched for her grandmother, known to everyone as Mama. She made her way through the small house until she finally found her in the back yard where she was hanging out clothes.

“Mama,” she spoke in a quieter tone. “Sylvester reach yet?”

“Oh, you’re back.” Her grandmother looked over her shoulder briefly before returning to her task. “He was just here. I put the suitcase in your room. Miss Maude said to have a safe flight.”

“Ok, thanks,” she nodded and turned back into the house. The wooden floorboards creaked beneath her as she made her way to her room where the suitcase was waiting for her. It was a loan from Miss Maude, Sylvester’s mother. She observed the faded brown suitcase lying on the ground. It was well-worn with scuff marks on the bottom and a slight rip near the zipper. It had seen its fair share of travel and was probably older than she was, based on the outdated design, but it was still in perfectly good condition.

Like her, Miss Maude had also left for America as a young woman in search of a better life. Back then, poverty and corruption were rampant, and she had no choice but to escape, but after many decades of change and progress, she was able to return home to a better society where she could peacefully live out the rest of her days. Her days of travelling were behind her.

Although the motivations were different these days, many young people still immigrated to America on a regular basis, whether it was for school or work or what have you. It was somewhat of a rite of passage. For her, it was for a change of pace. Although she had lived a comfortable life with her grandmother, she could not do this forever. If she stayed, her likely options were to become a teacher, work at a bank, or settle down to start a family, going through the motions day after day until she died. But how could she find that appealing when she was capable of so much more?

She opened the closet door, taking out pieces of clothing she would need to pack, a pair of pants here, a T-shirt there, some dresses for church. She would wear her jeans on the plane because they were heavy, and her sneakers too to save space. She folded a shirt and placed it neatly into the suitcase. Then she picked up another, turning it over in her hands before holding it up to the light. Did she need this one? Probably not. She tossed it aside. The suitcase was a bit small so she could only pack the necessities. Besides, she would be able to buy whatever she needed in America so none of it mattered. She would go to Walmart, the store that had everything! When winter came around, she could buy herself a nice coat and some fuzzy shoes with matching gloves, just like on TV.

She continued packing, considering each piece of clothing as she decided which would follow her into her new life and which would stay behind.

An hour later, she heard a door slam somewhere in the house, then some shuffling, followed by the sound of familiar voices in conversation drifting from the front room. Just two old women catching up. It was the weekly routine between her grandmother and Miss Maisie. There was hardly a weekend when Miss Maisie was not at the house. She would stop by on her way home from the market and the old friends would talk for hours, even preparing meals together or doing chores.

They had known each other since they were little girls, growing up as neighbors and attending the same schools. They were practically sisters. And they were always in people’s business, always gossiping. Today, Alyssa was the main topic. She could make out parts of their conversation.

“What time is the flight?” asked Miss Maisie.

“At 3, but Rickie is coming for her around 12.”

“Oh, ok. You know he had to take off work? He’s so nice for that. Mhmm,” she nodded in approval. “She’s staying with your niece, right? The one with the big job?”

“No, the one with the baby. She needs some help.”

“Why you not going with her?” she asked.

“Girl, you know tings hard these days. Besides, I’m too old for that. America is not for me.” She shook her head somberly. “Not at all.”

“Mmm,” Miss Maisie agreed, looking out the window to see a car pulling up outside the house. “But who is this?” The other woman joined her at the window.

“Oh, right,” she replied as they watched a young woman approach with an arm full of bags. Then she turned, yelling loudly enough to be heard from the other room. “Grace is here!”

After a moment, Grace walked through the open front door.

“Good morning, Mama,” she said as she walked straight to the kitchen. She let the heavy bags spill out of her hands and onto the table, breathing a sigh of relief. Then she turned her attention to the women. “I hope I’m not too late. Is she still here?”

“Yes. She’s in her room,” Mama replied.

Clearly in a hurry, Grace rushed over to the room to bid her cousin goodbye. She was running late for work, not that she cared, but she also had to make a stop at the bank before it got too busy. After a quick farewell, she was out the door and on her way.

Miss Maisie soon followed after making a big fuss over her send-off, offering words of warning and wisdom, encouraging Alyssa to not forget where she came from and to come back to visit soon.

It was now eleven o’clock and there was just an hour before Rickie would arrive to take her to the airport, but the suitcase still was not packed. She was struggling with the items Grace had brought, way more than she could cram into the remaining space in the small suitcase. She had already taken everything out and reorganized them multiple times, but nothing was working, and her frustration was growing.

“Mama!” she yelled.

Soon, her grandmother appeared in the doorway.

“It won’t fit. Look,” she said, pointing at the overflowing suitcase with a sigh. “Grace brought too much stuff.”

“Oh my,” her grandmother replied as she began sorting through the pile of goodies. There was an assortment of currant rolls, patties, buns, tamarind balls and sugar cake, double-wrapped in plastic and foil. There was a sandwich bag stuffed with dried herbs for tea and another with whole spices. All of this was meant to be distributed among their family members up in America.

After much thought, her grandmother replied, “Leave some behind.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she assured her as she picked up a currant roll and unwrapped it. She gave her a wink before taking a bite and chuckling to herself. Then, together, the two repacked the suitcase one last time, leaving out a handful of the larger items. Once they were done, there was just enough time for her to bathe and dress for the airport.

It was just before noon when Rickie pulled up, his backfiring engine announcing his arrival. The young man sauntered up the rickety steps and into the house, humming to himself.

“Afternoon, Mama,” he greeted the older woman affectionately, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “How are you?” he asked, giving her a playful squeeze. His attention trailed off when he noticed Alyssa approaching from the bedroom, pulling the faded suitcase behind her. A shy grin appeared on his face as soon as he saw her.

“I’m ready,” she said, parking the suitcase near the front door.

“Irie.” He grabbed the suitcase and tossed it over his shoulder with ease before heading back to the car.

She turned to her grandmother to hug her goodbye. The old woman embraced her warmly, rubbing her back gently and rocking side to side for a few minutes until the sound of Rickie’s car horn interrupted them, signaling that it was time to go. Her grandmother pulled away first, holding her at arm’s length.

“Be safe,” she said with a warm smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alyssa replied, giving her grandmother a quick hug once more before walking to the car where Rickie was waiting. She climbed into the passenger seat and the car pulled away from the house. She turned to see her grandmother watching them in the doorway, waving until they were no longer in view.

Reality was finally setting in; she was really doing this. She was really about to get on a plane by herself, to go to a place she had never been before, leaving behind the only home she had ever known. A wave of guilt passed through her body. She felt like she was abandoning her friends – the few she had – her culture, her grandmother. She stared absently out the window as the familiar landmarks of her past drifted by unnoticed while the reality of the situation began to set in.

“You have everything?” Rickie broke the silence as he narrowly avoided a pothole. He could sense that she needed a distraction.

“Huh? Oh, I think so,” she replied quietly, still staring out the window.

“I don’t know how you managed to fit everything in that tiny suitcase,” he chuckled, glancing over at her and lightly nudging her elbow.

“It was not much, just some clothes” she replied, turning her attention to him. “Besides, if I need anything I can always get it up there,” she said more hopefully.

“True,” he said with a teasing grin. “America has everything.” They both laughed, the sound filling the car until it dissolved into an awkward silence.

“Did you really take off work?” she suddenly blurted out, recalling Miss Maisie’s earlier words.

“Me? Yes ma’am,” he nodded slightly as he drove, missing another pothole.

“But why?”

He took his eyes off the road, giving her a confused glance. “Eh? You think I wouldn’t see you off, Princess?” He leaned back in his seat and chuckled to himself for a moment before sucking his teeth. “I needed a reason to take the day off anyway.” He gave her a mischievous smile, lightening the mood. They continued the rest of the drive with casual conversation as they reminisced on the past and joked about the future. Before they knew it, they had arrived at the airport.

Rickie parked the car near the entrance before getting out to grab the suitcase from the trunk. Then, leaning against the car, he waited quietly as she climbed out of the passenger seat. He noticed that her gaze was drawn to the intimidating building in front of her. It was small for an airport. There had been reports that construction would start on a new multimillion dollar facility by the end of the year but until then, this was what they had.

Alyssa watched as passengers shuffled in and out of the building in a hurry, both coming and going. Despite its size, this airport was always busy. They had been lucky to find a parking spot where they did.

Rickie checked his watch. “Just in time,” he said, moving closer to her. Now, seeing the uncertainty on her face, he paused. “You good?”

She looked at him, her eyes glistening from tears that were starting to form and without a word, he pulled her into a tight hug, patting her head softly as they stood there in silence. After a moment, he gave her a comforting squeeze and a gentle kiss on top of her head. He pulled back slightly, offering her a small smile. “You’ll be ok,” he reassured her.

She nodded, wiping her eyes. Then she took a deep breath, bracing herself for the moment she could no longer delay. Once she felt ready, she took the handle of the suitcase from him, but as she started to turn around, he stopped her. She swung her head around in surprise, looking down at his hand on hers and then up at his face, confused.

“Hey,” he said, looking solemnly into her eyes. “Don’t forget me. Ok, Princess?”

“I won’t.”

She hesitated for a moment as if weighing a decision before she suddenly leaned in towards him and pressed a quick kiss on his cheek. Blushing, she walked away quickly before he could say anything, and he watched on in shock as she disappeared into the crowd.

Her heart was racing from the kiss as well as the chaotic energy of the airport while she navigated through the mass of passengers trying to get to the check-in desk. In front of her, she could hear a woman talking to her companion about the same airline she was flying on, so she decided to follow close behind them until she saw the signage indicating she was in the right place. The line was long as there was only one person working behind the desk, but it was moving.

Making her way to the front, she dropped off her borrowed suitcase and then followed the crowd to the next checkpoint. Another long line but she still had an hour before takeoff. Once through security, she made her way to the departure gate. Everything had happened so quickly since she left home, the whole day had been a blur. She pulled out her ticket to confirm the departure time and then checked her watch. Twenty more minutes.

She had barely sat down before a voice projected through the overhead speakers, announcing that her flight was now boarding. The other passengers seated around her immediately got up, flocking to the exit with their tickets at the ready. She fell in line behind them.

One by one the passengers piled into the small aircraft, each securing their carry-on luggage under their assigned seat or in the overhead storage. She herself had a small cross-body bag which she placed on the ground in front of her window seat near the middle of the plane. It was not particularly comfortable but she had enough room to stretch her short legs and, as she settled in, she exhaled, finally feeling full weight of the day’s stress. For the first time since the beach, she relaxed her shoulders.

She glanced out the window, noticing the baggage handlers as they transferred the luggage onto the plane with practiced efficiency. She watched on in fascination, smiling to herself as she had never witnessed this side of an airport before. Everything from this moment forward would be a new experience and she was eager for the adventure that lay ahead.