The Storm Inside

The lights flickered in her bedroom as the storm raged on outside. The weather outside was not the only storm that was raging. In her mind a storm began to rage as well. A swirl of thoughts began to fill the silence of the night. A storm that came all too often to her and just as a meteorologist can not always predict as storm so she two never knew the precise moment that the storm would fill her mind. She grabbed her pillow tightly and rocked slowly in her bed. She didn’t wish to awake her husband; he needed his sleep. He needed his sleep so he could deal with her in the morning. She looked out the window and saw trees bending in the wind. At that moment her mind began to bend as well. That is when the voices returned.

“no one loves you” the voices whispered quietly in her mind

She grabbed her pillow tighter and shut her eyes praying the sound of the rain would drown them out.

“No one loves you not even him! He only tolerates you, takes pity on you. He knows your broken and he likes broken things. He doesn’t love you he just wants to fix you like an old toy that he collects in the basement. Your nothing more then a project. A pet to keep. He doesn’t love you he has never loved you. It’s all just a lie” The voices continued

“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” she told herself trying to convivence her mind it wasn’t true.

“Oh what’s the matter little one, does the truth hurt? Knowing that no one truly cares about you. Knowing that no one truly loves you. Knowing your father left you, your brother left you in that home with you violent brother and toxic mother! If you even want to call her a mother. Like I’ve said, no one loves you. No one truly cares about you. Your nothing but a rag doll that has been tossed from person to person but never found anyone that loved it with their whole heart.” the voices said in an ominous tone.

Her husband stirred next to her feeling her rocking movements in the bed. She quickly but her feet on the floor and walked quietly from the bedroom. She had to drown out these voices, she had to calm her mind. She rummaged through the medicine cabinet her mind set on finding only one particular bottle. The bottle that would make the voices stop. Her hand shook as they shuffled though bottle after bottle of medications. Finally, in the back of the cabinet she found the tiny blue pill that would make it all ok again! She opened the bottle, removed the pill and swallowed hard hoping the effects would come sooner rather than later. She took a few deep breaths to calm her mind.

“You know those pills will never silence me, they only cause me to become temporarily absent. I will always be here. Also with you like the best friend you never had. You can never get rid of me” the voices said as they became softer in her head.

Silence, sweet silence filled the air. The only sound was that of the rain hitting the windows and what a joyous sound it was. She sat softly into the recliner puller her weighted blanket onto her. The weight brought a sense of calm to her hole body. Like that of the embraces her husband held her tight in. A few more deep breaths and her whole self was once again at peace. The voices had been silenced.

Breath in, a wave of relief came over her. Breath out, her world was once again at peace. She stood up from her chair and surveyed the room. Everything was in place just as it should be. She looked at the photos on the wall. The photos of her friends, the friends who she called her family, her wedding. She thought of all the wonderful memories she had in her life. The voices could not be more wrong about her. She was nothing to pity. She wasn’t merely a hobby to her husband, something broken to be fixed, she was so much more then that. She was a strong intelligent woman. No matter how her father treated her and insulted her as a child. No matter how her mother let her brother bully and mistreat her, all of that was in the past. There was no one calling her fat, no more fists slamming on her door, no more laptops being smashed on the ground. She was safe now, she was loved no matter what the voices in her head said, she new in her heart that she was loved. The voices were nothing more than lies, echoes from the past coming back to haunt her. Demons she had been fighting for years, that’s all they were nothing more. She just needed to believe in herself and trust that she was in fact the amazingly powerful women everyone knew she was.  She put her head back on the chair and reached for the remote, her mind was far too awake to sleep. Maybe some mindless television would help ease her mind back into slumber. As she searched through the channels the lights began to flicker.

“It’s just the storm” she thought quietly to herself

Suddenly the flickering began to intensify, and ominous figure began to appear. Figures of that of her father, brothers, even her mom.

“I told you those pills don’t work. I am always here, you can never truly get ride of me!” said the voices as they returned once again.

“No! No! No! I don’t believe you none of this is real! None of this is real!” she shouted not caring if she woke her husband anymore

The figures came close and closer, menacing smiles filled their faces.

“It’s all real, all of it. You’re nothing your worthless!” the figures spoke in unison.

She let out one final scream as she felt a hand touch her shoulder.

“Sweetheart?” said her husband.

She gasped, she looked around the room quickly, she was in her bed. The TV paused on the dresser.

“Sweetheart, are you? You were screaming in your sleep. Is everything alright?” he asked holding her close.

“Yes, I….I was just having a horrible dream. But it’s over now, you’re here.” She replied embracing him.

He leaned in and softly kissed her lips and eased her back onto her pillow.

“Sweetheart, you really need to stop watching Stranger Things before you go to bed. It always gives you nightmares. I love you, now try to get back to sleep.” He said as he laid his head next to hers, shut off the television and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace.