All an act

Turning 12 sucks especially for an African orphan who has a mum that doesn't care a d a none existing father, It was my birthday when a white woman my mum used to work gave me a diary to keep records of my life so that I can remember and learn from my mistakes and that's when I started taking notes of my life. The very moment my mum took me home she made me pound fufu that is a local food in Africa till a had blisters on my hands telling me that she is initiating me in womanhood but later I found out childhood is blissful than growing up because the next week she had a fight with her then husband for drinking and smoking weed and the poor guy had to leave , she started drinking openly and walking around naked on the streets so I had to be my own grown up to take care of my self and her . In three months time I came from school to meet an empty house so borrowed the neighbors phone and called to ask her where she was because I was starving but she said she had left town in search of a job so that's how I had to grow so early at the age of 12 . I stopped school and did manual work ,sold aluminum in order to get money to buy food and pay for water bill and electricity bills.At the age of I4 was given a notice that rent was up so I either had to pay or move out so I did the only rational thing I went in search of my mum she had traveled about 1500 km away from our town so by the time I got there it was very late . She met me at the bus station and took me to her friends house and left me there saying she had a place to be and she will see me later .she didn't come back till the next morning and took me to another friend who fed me ,she was such a good person I wished she was my mum instead but all so soon she had to go visit her husband who worked in a different town so I begged her to take me and she did.her husband took me as his daughter so I was very happy then on Christmas Eve his boss invited us to a Christmas party in his house which they took me at 9 the boss called for attention and started giving gifts to us and I was the only child there he gave me a pure Australian heart shaped ear rings which shorn like the sun in my eyes that I cried incontrollably but all so soon we had to go back to the town we came from so took the ear rings to show my mum and asked her to take care of it for me and she sent me back to my previous town where I came from promising to come and pay the rent .About 2 months time the king lady and her husband called me and told me that ithey wanted me to come stay with them so that they take care of me as their own so I happily went before the year ened the man lost his job and because he was a foreigner he had to go back to his country promising to come back for his wife and me as a daughter that was the first time I realized I didn't have a dad so I called my mum and asked her whom my father was and what she said shocked me to the core she said she does not know his name but that he was an Italian and that I should never ask her again so I never did . When I turned 15 things turned bad because the woman I was staying with husband had not gotten a job so we had to move to a smaller apartment and I had to stop private school and attend a government school I was okay with that as long as I had a mother to love me because that is what she was to me . when I turned 16 she opened a bar in another town and started bringing strange men to the house saying her husband can't give her the money to take care of her so she needed to get it from else where.Because her bar was at another town we had to move there so I had to change schools but when we got there she took me from one school to the order to write and entry exams but never paying for me to go so I told her to try and get the money ready before I write another exams so I started working for her at the bar but she never paid me .In six months she had not paid me nor said anything about my schooling so I became angry a little bit I said nothing till she brought a Chinese to the bar and told me to date him and secretly extract money from him I had no choice because I had no other person to run to so I agreed as long g as he is not allowed to touch me because I had a friend who wanted to be my boyfriend so the next Saturday she let a taxi take me to the man's house for a date ,he took me to dinner and had small talks with me so he said we should go to his and wait for her to come me up so that is what we did , I got comfortable , so when Saturday came again I was excited but when I was going she said I should ask for money to assist her pay her rent so that was the first thing I told him when I got to his house and he said he will try to help pay for the rent but he instantly tacked me to the ground and said that he needed something from me first , I was confused by the request because I didn't understand and I told him to get off me but he started tearing at my clothes that's when I realized I was in danger so I started to kick and scream but he covered my mouth with his had and raped me right in the middle of his kitchen .that's when I lost my virtue. I cried for a week from the pain in between my thighs and also from the forced abuse implented on me but do u know what she said to me that it was okay and that she herself was raped when she was young and that the moment the man sent the money she would not allow him near me again that's when I realized what she wanted me to do so I run when she left that night to go to the bar taking nothing but the clothes on my back I called my boyfriend and he sympathized with me and sent me money to go back to my mum . When got there my mum was still staying in a friends house so I had to joined them there without telling them what had happened to me because I was so shy and I felt disgusted with my self I keep quiet . At age 17 my mum started complaining that I don't bring money home and that I should use my resources to get money to take care of my self and her for when she was my age she took care of her mum so it was something we fought a lot about one day she introduced a forty year old fart guff to me saying he wanted to date me and possibly marry me I was so upset I left the house and went to my boyfriend's house and told him to sleep with me because I wactired of people trying to let old men take advantage of me and so we slept together without protect forgetting implications that may arise from it the next day I moved my things from where my mum was and went to stay with my pastor and his family in the mission house on Monday morning I was back in school but I was redrawn to go back and start junior high again with that I was very upset but I wanted to go so I didn't complain . A week later I found out I was withdrawn because my mum had told the headmaster to do so for I had not been in school for a while and even though I had passed the exams she fears I will fail if allowed to write my final exams so matched to where she was and warned her to stay out of my life and never interfere again for what does an illiterate like her knew I was already upset about what had happened with the man and I had also found out he gave my hold ear rings to her boyfriend without my permission it was a terrible sight she slapped me across the face and said that my children will do what I am doing to her and that I will never be happy in my life because I am a curse I crush home and take bad luck to families I stay with I couldn't stand there any longer so I rushed away without looking back the next month I missed my period so I got scared and called my boyfriend to tell him what I feared so we decided to meet and take a test together and when we did it was positive I was pregnant . The boy said we had to about it because we were young but as I thought about it I was glad because I knew the baby was going to be my life so I told him to let us leave up to our responsibilities and face what we can done rather than end a life to cover our mistakes so we didn't go for and abortion and we didn't tell anyone untill I was 5 months pregnant when I got sick and we had to tell his aunt who was the nurt in the mission house I was at and she gave her word not tell until we said it ourselves and she told us to go to the hospital and see how the baby is doing which we did the next month but we had to tell another adult so he told his mother who in turn told his father who was very understanding , he told our pastor and took me to stay in their house and stopped school for a while until the baby was born. When we had the baby everything was perfect untill onday I saw a message on his phone in which he sent to a girl telling her how much he loved he and when I asked he about it he said we were not married and I had no right to tell him what to do that's when his family started showing me their true colors they didn't want me but rather my child his mother gave me chores beyond my capabilities and insulted me with the slightest mistake I make his siblings told me that I was filty as a rag and that I deserve to sleep on the floor for them to step on all day long I cooked for a family of 12 breakfast, lunch,supper washed dishes , swept 6 bedroom house a hall kitchen dinning room scrabbed untill I couldn't move a muscle but I kept on doing it hoping to win them over nut in the end they kicked me out with nothing no child no family or friends no respect and no love .25 years now and I still wish I knew what happened I couldn't go near my baby boy because a caurt order restrains me to stay about a mile away from my own baby and I ask my self was it really an act or had I done something.