Memories in the wind

The cool night breeze gently brushes against my face as I stand outside on my back patio, marveling at the stars that appear to be shining more brightly while the moon hides behind the clouds. The breeze delicately caresses my cheek, creating a tingling sensation on my skin. That small gust of wind seems to awaken old memories of the nights I used to spend with friends.

I close my eyes and allow the memories to envelop me. I can feel the warmth of the firepit against my skin, hear the crackling sound of the logs breaking free into the air, and recall the laughter that echoed through the night. We would gather around the fire, sharing stories and secrets, feeling the bond of friendship grow stronger with each passing minute. These moments would last for hours.

It's as if the same wind that blows tonight has brought back recollections of my old friendships. I remember how it felt to be carefree and uninhibited, surrounded by a group of friends with whom I shared experiences. I reminisce about those warm summer nights, driving without a destination with the top of the car down, with the music coursing through our bodies. The cool night air felt like a comforting blanket, embracing me as if it understood my yearning to relive those times or have my old friends back to share in those experiences.

Unfortunately, those friendships have long dissipated. I reflect on the quality of friends and how they can be here one moment and gone the next, much like the wind. I wish I had nurtured stronger friendships. What happened to those friends who would call, not just text, to check up on you? What happened to the friends who made time to go out, have conversations, and experience life together?

But time has a way of slipping away, and as the years progressed, life happened. We all acquired more responsibilities and obligations, and the weight of adulthood burdened our shoulders. Late-night adventures became nonexistent, replaced by early morning commutes and never-ending to-do lists. Friends who once walked the same path now journey on different ones, their paths taking on new shapes and intertwining with different priorities.

Why am I so different? I can't help but wonder. Did I make the wrong choices in friends throughout the years? If I had taken a different path, perhaps I could be like the other women whom I see on social media, forging lifelong friendships. Friends who call regularly, enjoy brunch dates, movie nights, concerts, or simply spending time together at one of our homes, savoring a glass of wine and having a good old fashion time.  

In the past few years, I formed new friendships with the hope that they would last a lifetime. However, after getting married, those relationships started dwindling as well. I don't understand why my marital status should impact my ability to have friends. It seems like my friends have vanished from my life altogether as if my marriage erased my existence as an individual.

I was once a part of a tight group of friends. We spent countless hours together, creating memories and supporting each other through life's challenges. We were inseparable and nothing could come between us. However, everything changed the moment I said "I do."

Out of the blue, my friends stopped inviting me to meet up for lunch and began canceling plans at the last minute. They stopped answering my calls, and the messages I sent were left unread for hours on end. It felt like they had completely cut me out of their lives. I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. Was it because I wasn't available to them whenever they needed me? Or did they feel I had betrayed our friendship by finding love?

I attempted to reach out to them, demanding to know why they had distanced themselves so coldly. Their responses were evasive, filled with excuses and justifications. "You're married now, I figured you were enjoying your new husband." "You're in a completely different phase of life." These reasons seemed more like feeble attempts to cover up their own insecurities and fears of losing me.

It hurt. I never expected my friends to react this way. I believed that true friends would be happy for me and understand that my commitment to my marriage did not overshadow our friendship. However, their actions spoke louder than words, and it became evident that they saw me as a threat to the dynamic we once had. It’s like their thoughts were to leave me before I had the opportunity to leave them behind. 

So as I stand here, gazing at the stars, a bittersweet realization washes over me. Though the memories are cherished, I can't help but long for those carefree nights. But perhaps, at this moment, as the breeze kisses my cheek, I can just accept those memories for what they were. I can embrace the present with a new appreciation for the wind. I know that those nights will forever be a part of me.

Gazing up at the dark night sky from my back patio, I feel a sense of hope. I am grateful for the memories that shaped me and the lessons they taught me. I am thankful for this night's breeze, which carries whispers of stories from a time long ago. As I take a deep breath, filling my lungs with the crisp night air, I am reminded that life has its own rhythm, its own way of directing us toward moments of pure bliss.

I reflect on the friendships that have come and gone, and I remember that friendships are like the wind—unpredictable and ever-changing—but they have the power to mold us, challenge us, and ultimately bring us joy. So, I eagerly anticipate new friendships that will withstand the test of time and allow us to embrace the wind, knowing that it may steer us off course, yet possesses the ability to guide us. So, I release those memories back to the wind, knowing it will bring them back to me again.