Love Beyond Goodbye

To my love, Jasper

The service was lovely, simply breathtaking. Your stunning black tuxedo against your now snow-white skin. It pains me to write this letter, I fear they will laugh, knowing it will not be received by you. But I can't help it, it’s something I must do, my last goodbye. I hope you will understand, and forgive me for not saying goodbye then, I’m just afraid. I’m afraid of all the nights we will spend apart, until we are joined again in demise. I am afraid of all the nights we have spent together, and how they are no more. I just pray you don’t forget me, even if you don’t love me, I can’t bear the thought of you denying you ever knew me. I can’t quite bear the thought of you at all. So in my grief and yearning for your presence, I will pass down the stories of our love for generations, even if you are not here to pass it down with me. I will never forget you, and perhaps it’s a curse, but I will always love you. I hope to feel your love in return, but if not, know that mine will be delivered. You are always welcome to visit, unless you’re too resentful to face me, I understand. It is my fault after all. See you soon, my love.

Forever yours, Elena

To my love, Jasper

I found a box of yours in the attic, as I was cleaning out your things. There was an untouched pack of Chiclets gum, a Mickey Mantle baseball card, torn at all four corners, a crumpled ten at the bottom, and a red and yellow polka-dot tie. Interesting choice. I wish I could have seen you wear it, although it’s not exactly ‘pleasing’ to the eye. And I’m not sure how I will ever find a way to spend the money, perhaps you will give me some ideas. Although, I can’t promise I will use them. I folded the baseball card into this letter, as a gift, I don’t really have a use for it, unless you don’t mind me trading it in (though I know you will). These trinkets are wonderful conversation starters, the tie especially sparks intriguing questions. And, if you don’t mind me asking, do you ever think about us? Do you think at all? I wish you would give me a clear answer, but so far, you haven’t responded. Do you want to know what I think about? I think about what it would be like if you didn’t leave, if you came back, maybe. Is there a way you can come back? If there is, what’s the hesitation? I assume it’s because of what I said, but people alway say things they don’t mean. I wish you would forgive me if you haven’t already. I would be forever grateful. It’s also painfully lonely out here, when I found your box, I sat crying on the floor until my tears ran out, and there was no one to wipe them. I miss you my love, see you soon.

Forever yours, Elena

To my love, Jasper

I am sorry it’s been awhile since I last wrote to you, but I have had an overwhelming couple of weeks. Remember that time we were driving home from Oregon, and the gas ran low, so we stopped at a crumbling motel, in the rain, running down to the door with only the hair on our heads and the clothes on our body to shield us from the storm. We had walked inside, giggling, and found a room to rest for the night in, snuggling against each other for warmth. I remember waking up to you handing me a bowl of bruised blueberries from the cafe below us. I can still taste the bitterness of the fruit against my tongue. And the smell of the air as we walked back to the car. I’m sure you remember. We couldn’t stop laughing about our riveting night the whole ride home. And once we arrived, we immediately wrote down every single detail on a yellow notepad, and I still have it. It’s in a spare drawer in the room you used to stay in, I would send it to you but I’m not sure I can separate myself from it, and I can’t be sure you would get a hold of it anyway. I do enjoy writing to you, I just wish you would reply. But I know it’s not your fault you can’t. It’s mine. See you soon.

Forever yours, Elena

To my love, Jasper

I found your old stories in your room. They are interestingly not as bad as I assumed they would be (not that I think they would be bad). I feel almost inspired and wonder why you didn’t share these with me before. They are so incredible, and I may be in love with them. You wouldn’t be mad if I published them would you? I feel like just leaving them for me is only selfish. These are tales that deserve to be shared, it’d be like sharing a piece of you. I’ve noticed that I’m not as afraid of traces of you as I thought I was. If anything, I feel more encouraged by the absence of you, knowing you’re not completely gone. And these stories bring you back to life almost, when I read them, I imagine you. You are the stories, the inspiration, you are what drives me to continue this empty life. And even though you can’t be here, I know you still care, and you might as well be here. I feel your presence when I read your stories, when I sleep in your bed, and when I look at your photo in the frame. I promise you I won’t give up until you do, and if you do give up, let it not be on me. And even though I can’t take back what I said, what I did, I promise you will always be my heart, and my soul. Even if you don’t feel it, I believe I am your heart and soul as well. I just wish to the moon and back that you could confirm it. So I will publish your stories, so that we can reach others with our heart and soul as one. I will love you for always, see you soon. 

Forever yours, Elena

To my love, Jasper

I am afraid this may be the last letter I send to you, my love. The drive is gone. My heart and soul have shattered. All publishers have rejected your stories, our stories. They claim it was too predictable, boring. But they must not have read it in the way I do if they truly believe that. When I read your stories, I am in awe of your creations, and I can’t look away. And yet, they all said no. So now I cry to your stories instead of smile. Because no one but me is ever going to experience the revelation that your stories are. But I can’t say it's all a waste, at least I tried. And you know something? I was inspired enough to write a little something of my own, I sent you a small part of it in this letter, I hope you enjoy it. I don’t quite like it as much as yours, it’s not special enough to me. Though I’m not exactly special enough for me either, but you are. I would trade my soul for you if I could, even just to see you for a little bit, even for a second. But maybe I don’t have to trade my soul for you. I’m not proud to say this, but there is a way I can see you, it may cause permanent pain in some of my loved ones, but temporary pain can’t compare to eternal love and unity with you. That’s just it, I will be with you soon my love, please don’t be upset when I arrive.

Forever yours, Elena

Dearest Elena,

I fear I am too late, my Elena. I am so moved by your love for my stories, but someone has to be there to share the inspiration of them. If you chase after me, you will lose more than you lost before, trust me. And I hope you know I don’t blame you one bit for what happened, if anything, it was my fault. I was the one who ran from my fear, but I lost far more than I thought I was losing at all. And I ruined you in the process. Please tell me you are still there my love. I know for a fact you will not receive this letter, for it has been sent beyond the grave, but I hope you will send me one, last, letter to confirm to me that you have not been sent to the grave yourself. You were always my drive and inspiration too my Elena, that’s why you need to keep inspiring others, and yourself. Don’t take away the one thing you think is holding you back, you. I want you to know that I have always loved you, especially that night in the motel, I can’t nor will I ever forget you, you just can’t forget yourself, but you can forget me. If somehow you do receive this letter, I pray you will be able to tell me you are still there, still alive, smiling through the tears, that I promise I will wipe away, even if I can't physically wipe them. And I promise you, one day we will be together again, but this day is not the day my love. I love you more than I can bear, for always.

P.S. Thank you for your loving gifts my dear.

Love, Jasper

To my love, Jasper

I am alive, my love. I felt deep in my heart that I was wrong. Was that you? If it was, I want you to know that I am forever grateful for you, both in life and in death. And I want to tell you so badly how I miss your love, your touch, just thinking of your presence makes me tear. But I know you are always with me, as I am with you. I love you forever my Jasper, and I have you in my heart for always.

Forever yours, Elena