Unexpected Strangers......

The room is unfamiliar. I don't know how I got here. I'm feeling very uneasy as I search the room to find comfort in the smile of someone I know but no one looks vaguely familiar. If I had to guess I would say there are about one hundred to one hundred fifty people here, yet I'm still uncertain as to where "here" is. Perhaps it's an awards ceremony of some sort, then again that's highly unlikely since I haven't been involved with anything award worthy in this moment. I don't see a platform where one would be presented so I'll keep scanning the room in search of clues that tie into why and how I ended up here.

There are people of all ages, no children though, just adults mingling around the room. I can overhear a few conversations but none that I find interesting enough to attempt to insert myself into in order to seem like I belong. The people convened in their groups would surely be able to tell that I'm an outsider. I move on and have a cocktail that the staff is walking around with, along with an array of hors d'oeuvres. Lamb lollipops, bacon wrapped asparagus, deviled eggs, a few assorted pastries, how do I choose? If I choose to sample all of this I'll be full before the main course.

The tables aren't assigned as far as I can tell so I continue to survey the room so that I'm not standing alone after this, well what I'm assuming is happy hour is over. The room is decorated so elegantly, it's actually breathtaking. Different shades of green are taking over the room, which is perfect since it's my favorite color! My uneasiness is temporarily stifled and soothed by the color palate of the room, the hors d'oeuvres and the cocktails. I'm doing my best to enjoy the moment since you only live once. The moment would be so much better if my girls were here, then I wouldn't have the need to infiltrate an unknown group of women or men to hopefully fit in with. In the moment it seems like I'm the only one lost in this sea of people but I do see a few strays like myself.

What I'm beginning to see is that there seems to be more men in the room than woman. Many of the women looked to be my age, however there was still an array of ages and you never can tell these days how old anyone truly is, after all I vow to be twenty-five for life! Some sixty year olds look forty and vice versa. Let me get back to figuring out how I got here and the purpose of this gathering.

I see a woman who looks to be in charge of this whole ordeal. Sometimes you can discern when people have a king and soothing spirit and that's what I felt when I looked at her. You're not supposed to judge a book by its cover, however, you can usually feel if someone is genuine. As I make my way to introduce myself to the assumed coordinator, she is surrounded by a few other guests so I patiently wait until she has a free moment.

Once the crowd around her had dispersed, I approached her and I felt something unexplainable, she seemed familiar but I've never been here before or seen her before that I'm aware of. The way she looked at me made me feel like she felt or was thinking the same thought that I was.

I introduced myself and she said "I know who you are", I was taken aback. How and why would this woman know who I am? She stated that she was hoping to see me here today and finally meet me. Why would she want to "finally meet me"? She could tell by the uncertainty in my eyes that I had no clue of what she was talking about. She pulled me away from the crowd, there wasn't much room for discrepancy so this little corner of the room had to suffice.

This probably should have been one of the sweetest and most memorable moments in my life but I wasn't ready to absorb the news of this magnitude. She held my hand ever so slightly as she said; She was my grandmother, on my nonexistent sperm donors side. I was frozen and couldn't find the words or understand how I ended up in this room with a stranger that should have been one of the closest people to me growing up. I wanted to disappear into the sea of people in the room, yet I stayed put and listened to her tell how long she has waited for this moment. She apologized that her son was never "man enough", my words, not hers, to own up to his responsibility and take care of me. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I felt like everyone in the room could hear it.

How did she find me? How long had she known about me? Why is it important for her to reach out now? Is she ill, does she need a kidney or something? Is she intending to introduce me to the sperm donor? My life exploded in this room and in this moment. I'll never get all of the answers to the questions swimming in my head like a school of fish. I'm also not sure if I even want any answers at this point in my life. I'm thirty-five years old and she wants to show up now? My thoughts were scattered and shattered into to many pieces to gather.

I can't begin to explain the emotions that I am feeling and have never felt before. Its unimaginable to me and I truly don't want any part of whatever this is or whatever reason my "grandmother" sought me out. I excused myself, using the restroom as the reason but I knew that I had no plans of returning. She can't just waltz into my life and expect that I should or would welcome her with open arms at this point. She is a perfect stranger, blood line be damned. I was hot, then cold, I felt like crying but held my tears back. She doesn't deserve them and her son certainly doesn't deserve them either. She will remain as unfamiliar to me as this room I unexpectedly ended up in and as her son was in my upbringing.