A kid’s game

I shifted on the brown leather couch, unsure of how to even allow myself to say what I came here to say. The embarrassment was settling inside me, but what came out was a yawn.

”I take it you didn’t sleep last night?” Dr. Wye tilted his head and looked at me over his glasses, but not in the judgmental way…well, I guess it was in the “judgmental” way. I was here to be judged by him in a way. Yet, he wasn’t the issue. I had been there for at least ten minutes already (or maybe a year, time was an illusion at this point), and couldn’t quite make myself relax.

“Right. I haven’t slept.” I shifted a bit and stared past him. My eyes focused slightly on his clock, then moved to the frames on his wall with kids and an older woman. Honestly, I wasn’t taking much in enough to have a thought form.

“I can see you’d be better at just jumping in. So, when did this nightmare begin?”

“I was about six or seven; the time most nightmares take form and it continued most nights for a good year or so. By then, my parents stopped coming in to check on me and put their foreheads on my damp one. And I learned how to get up and get my own cup of milk. As time went by, I learned how to cut the dream shorter and shorter…either waking myself or changing the channel. I developed insomnia and teen me developed a good case of caffeine addiction. So now, I’m properly old and tired for a different reason than most.

I noticed him give a faint smile and joy something down out of the corner of my eye, and finally lowered my gaze to meet him.

“And you’re now experiencing this nightmare again. Pretty frequently, no?”

“Every night for two weeks. That’s why I’m here doc.” “Doc” where did that come from? I had never said that before. Maybe it was my age catching up or because I suddenly felt very hot and clammy.

“And when it first started were there any major life changes? You mentioned your parents were there, so I’m guessing no divorce? Anything else you can think of?”

“No…not that I remember. Everything was pretty normal. It just seemed to come outta the blue.”

”Okay, well let’s just dive right on into the dream. Let’s see if we can find something in it.”

“Right. Gotta understand the beast to tame it.”

I swallowed hard. You really do notice that ticking sound of the clock when you’re nervous.

“There’s a white room. Pretty big space. Actually, it just might be endless. I can’t tell. I don’t know where I am, or where I’ve come from. Couldn’t tell you why I’m even there. Yet, I feel calm. Nothing seems out of place.”

I paused and looked down at my shaky hands before stuffing them in my pockets.

“There’s white pillars all throughout the room. And I suddenly find myself giddy! I decide it’d be the perfect place to play a game of hide and go seek, so I run behind a pillar…and I say “peek-a-boo” as I peek my head round the corner. This goes on and on, till I grow tired from running round. And I stand there. Something’s not right. The room feels darker even though it’s bright inside.”

“…a few moments go by, I don’t know about the time. When suddenly…”

PEEK-A-BOO

”The man, the woman, the per—the thing, has no face. It’s just plastered white with no eyes. It peeks behind the pillar and says “I SEE YOU,” and suddenly I can’t hear anything but “I see you” said over and over again, in different voices bouncing off of each other. And there’s no white room, it’s black, and there’s no man, there’s just me, but I know he’s somewhere…seeing me.”

“MR.Max take this. Here. Come back now. Focus on my hand.”

Dr. Wye is here holding a tissue out to me. I don’t know when he has gotten from his chair and bent to his knees in front of me like I’m some child. I can barely see him through my tears, so I take the tissue and wipe them.

“Yes?”

“And I don’t know. I don’t know.”

———————-

“Nice and spacious.”

“Yes. I can see a lot of big pieces being able to fit in here.”

”What made you get into representing artists?”

“My mother was an artist. We’d go to these studios that were barren before she’d have her pieces in different areas interacting with one another. I used to love seeing how she could turn these empty places void of fun into something so…interesting and new. But, she’d always get swindled or find it hard to find new spaces.”

“Do you create things too?”

”Nope. I’m more like my dad. We don’t have an artsy bone in our bodies.”

The man in the business suit, I had already forgotten his name and didn’t think it’d be nice to ask again, chuckled and nodded.

“Well, I’ll let you check out the space alone,” he smiled and walked through the door we had come from after seeing me give a half nod, my eyes were on the pillars.

With him gone, I thought about how weak my lie was. I wasn’t there to check out a space for others. I was there to conquer my fear, something Doctor Wye suggested.

I started running around and playing peek-a-boo before realizing how silly it all was.

I doubled over in laughter.

HEALED HEALED IM HEALED

“Peak-a-boo.”

A voice like a creaky rocking chair groaned.

Knocked the smile off my face. I slowly lifted my head.

My eyes met the whiteness of the skin. I felt that if I touched it, my hands would disappear within it.

“I see you.” I said and suddenly I was in a dark replace, watching it panic and look around. Different voices circled it.

And I knew then, I had become it. Ready to see.