Contest #199 shortlist ⭐️

75 comments

Contemporary Happy Sad

Papa said it was a mistake to let Uncle Dale go shopping on his own, even if it was just down to Sammy’s to pick up smokes. He said that we support our troops in this house, and that it weren’t in no way proper to send a hero off on his own, forced to wheel his own chair around – even if it was a beautiful first day of summer, and even if Uncle Dale had wanted to go on his lonesome. And when Uncle Dale finally came back, we all knew Papa had been right.

We spent all afternoon watching the clock. I knew it was an eight-minute-and-thirty-one second walk to Sammy’s, and it was a three-minute-fifteen bike ride – unless Cousins Lidia and Bert were visiting, since they didn’t have bikes and weren’t allowed to ride, so then it was an even six-minute sprint – and Mama figured it would take Uncle Dale thirty-minutes on the dot, one way. And she said she was being conservative, which meant she was right.

And Annie – not Aunt Annie, because she was just Uncle Dale’s girlfriend, and she’d been with him since before he was a hero and she stuck around through the worst of it and Mama called her a hero too – just spent her time crying, and saying that we should never have let him go alone – and Papa nodded – and how he was poor and alone and he needed her, because every good man had a good woman standing behind him, pushing his chair to the shops.

We sat around the clock watching it tick and tock, and Mr. and Mrs. Doncaster from next door came over with a casserole and sat with us. Only Grandpa wasn’t watching the clock, because Grandpa was a hero too – only he’d been a hero for much longer and much harder – and he mostly just sat watching the TV, even when it was off.

We watched that Elvis Presley clock for what felt like weeks, and twenty-two minutes after Uncle Dale left, we heard the front door open.

He never made it,” Mama whispered, taking Annie’s hand. “It’s not even half an hour yet.

Annie cried harder, and she got to her feet because she knew her man needed her and that was all that mattered.

Mrs. Doncaster put her casserole in the oven and Papa took a swig of beer. And then he spat it out and dropped his can when the door swung open and Uncle Dale entered.

Despite his ordeal, Uncle Dale was smiling. He had a smile like the horses at the merry-go-round at Fiddler’s Park and he was breathing heavy like he had just run a mile.

Sister Marlene elbowed me in the ribs so I covered my ears just as Papa cussed. I wasn’t supposed to hear him cuss, and I didn’t, but I know he cussed because that’s the only reason Sister Marlene ever elbows me in the ribs.

And then I gasped.

Uncle Dale stepped into the house. He walked through the door.

Everyone gasped, except Annie who shrieked.

“Hello, everyone!” Uncle Dale said. He held up a Sammy’s bag and pulled out a carton of menthols. “You’ll never guess what happened.” His smile was brighter than the sun.

“We don’t guess in this house,” Papa said, but his voice wasn’t as hardwood as it normally was. He kind of deflated into his chair and everyone else sat down too, huddling around him, and we watched Uncle Dale from across the room. The light of the day surrounded him and he looked like something out of a movie, like maybe an angel or at least an alien.

“There I was, just rolling along, when my wheel got caught in a rut in the busted sidewalk. As I baked in the sun trying to get it out, a shadow fell on me and I saw a strange woman approaching. She was dressed like she was going to one of those Latin dance classes. She smiled, and said I looked like the kind of man that didn’t dance to anyone else’s tune but my own. Well, I told her I don’t dance much at all anymore. Well, she offered her hand and helped me up. And wouldn’t you know it, we just danced right then and there, in the middle of the sidewalk with only the wind for music.”

We were all silent – even Grandpa stopped wheezing.

“Well, I spun her around, we had a laugh, and she said, ‘See you around!’ And I said, ‘Same to you!’ And she walked off, and so did I. It didn’t even really occur to me until I had finished at Sammy’s.” He grinned and slapped his knee.

There was more silence, but Mama was always a great hostess and she knew it fell to her to do something, so she frowned and said, “So… this woman. She was a doctor?”

“No, I don’t think so,” said Uncle Dale.

“She’s a faith healer then?” said Papa.

“Didn’t hear a word of faith, unless the flamenco’s a prayer.”

Annie wiped her eyes and planted her fists on her hips. “Well then, just who is this gas station tart?”

“Annie, please.

“Who is this convenience woman, if she’s not a doctor or healer? That’s what I want to know.”

“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never seen her before.” Then Uncle Dale said something even I knew wasn’t smart. “But I’ll never forget her.”

Annie harrumphed.

“Annie, please! I thought you’d be happy for me.”

“Now just wait a moment,” said Mr. Doncaster. “Annie’s got a point. I mean, what do we even know about this woman? She’s not a doctor, she’s not devout – what is she then? What business of hers is it who walks and who rolls? Maybe she’s a fraud.”

“A fraud?” said Uncle Dale.

“Yeah, a fraud. Maybe you’re not really walking, Dale. Maybe she just tricked you.”

Uncle Dale’s smile faltered, but everyone else started murmuring approval for this new idea. After all, it was plausible. Probable even. People were always trying to take advantage of heroes these days. In any case, we all cheered when Uncle Dale sat down at the dinner table to join us for casserole, since he was about the height we expected him to be, and Papa said that thankfully the whole sordid affair was behind us.

But it wasn’t.

The next day, Uncle Dale continued walking around. All of the next week, even. Papa kept grumbling and Mama kept shaking her head, and Annie was all the time crying. The Doncasters talked to the Palmers, and the Palmers talked to the Singhs, and soon the whole neighbourhood knew.

One day Mama sighed real loud and finally asked, “Dale, where’s your chair?”

Uncle Dale said he didn’t know. Forgot it when he started walking, and it wasn’t there when he came back. Mama declared it her mission to help him, to find the expensive chair for him no matter what – even though he said it was all right and he didn’t mind it.

The third week of summer, Uncle Dale asked me if I wanted to go to the park to throw a ball around. Heck yeah! We ran all the way there. We spent the whole day just throwing it around and it was the most fun I’d had in years, since Papa never took me to play ball anymore. But I noticed some of the other park goers watching us, and they pointed and shook their heads. It was a fun day, but I could see it getting to Uncle Dale.

About mid-summer, we found Papa standing outside the house, admiring the wheelchair ramp he installed just last winter.

“It’s a fine piece of work, isn’t it?” he asked.

“Sure is,” said Uncle Dale.

“Well, would it kill you to use it?” Papa snapped. “To show the least bit of appreciation?”

“But–”

“But nothing, Dale! I cannot stomach such ingratitude.”

Uncle Dale took me fishing the weekend after, and to get to the old fishing spot he used to go to with Papa and Grandpa way-back-when, we had to hike through a forest. It was a beautiful spot, even if the fish weren’t biting. He said fishing wasn’t really about the fish anyway, but I wasn’t sure what he meant. When we got home though, things turned grim.

Annie’s face had nearly washed off in all her tears. She dragged her suitcase through the living room and said she was leaving.

“Annie! But why?”

Annie sobbed. “I can’t take this anymore. You play with a girl’s heart, Dale. You’re cruel! Do you ever think of anyone but yourself? All of my girlfriends have heroes to wheel around, and me? Just what am I supposed to do with a man that can walk under his own power?”

“Annie!”

But she slammed the door and departed, her wailing fading into the distance.

A week later, Uncle Dale took me swimming, but his heart wasn’t in it. He said he missed Annie dearly, and I missed her too, on his behalf. When we got home, we found the Doncasters whispering with Papa. They all looked up when we came in and narrowed their eyes on Uncle Dale.

“What’s up?” Uncle Dale said.

Papa leaned back in his chair. “Listen, there’s something we need to discuss.”

“I don’t want to point any fingers,” said Mr. Doncaster, “but a co-worker of my brother’s friend once heard of a case where… well.” He grimaced, shrugged as though he were sorry. “There was a hero who pretended like he wasn’t. Even though it hurt his family and friends, even though they begged him not to. Even though impressionable young people could see the shameful business.”

Uncle Dale frowned.

“And worse,” said Papa, leaning even further back in his chair, “the government chose to believe him. And they cut his benefits!”

“But–” said Uncle Dale.

“–Just something to think about,” said Papa, scowling up a storm. “Something to really think about. Oh, and Dale, I don’t want you hanging around my kids anymore.”

“But Papa!”

“Shush.” And that was the final word.

Uncle Dale stopped smiling after that. He seemed like a shadow moving from room to room, and when I tried to get him to play with me – even just doing a lame hopscotch in our yard – he said we better not.

On the last day of summer, Mama said she had a big surprise for us, and she gathered everyone in the living room. We were all sitting around the table – including the Doncasters – but Uncle Dale was off standing in a corner, alone, with his shoulders slouched. Everyone was kind of grim, except Mama, who was beaming.

“It took me all summer,” she sang, “but I did it! I can fix this family.” She clapped her hands and called into the kitchen, “Oh, Annie!

Uncle Dale looked up, halfway to smiling – the first time in weeks.

We heard Annie approaching. There was the rhythmic clacks of her heels on the linoleum, as well as a kind of rubbery whumping and an intermittent squeak. And then she stepped into the living room, wheeling an empty chair before her.

“Ta-da!” Mama said.

Everyone looked at Uncle Dale. They were all smiling, all grinning and revving up to laugh and cheer. All but Uncle Dale himself. I saw his smile of a moment ago vanish. His face grew pale and I saw sweat bead his skin. He looked at Annie and she gave him a big, encouraging nod – and he took a step forward.

My family started cheering for him, “Go Dale go!” A low rumble, repeating. Each time it finished it pulled him forward another step, and their cheering grew louder. He clutched at his throat, unable to breathe, but their song pulled him closer all the same.

When he looked at them, they all nodded encouragement. When he looked at Grandpa, he got a resigned shrug. It was all Grandpa could muster.

And when Uncle Dale looked at me – I froze. I wanted to shout Run! Be free! Be the best Uncle Dale you can be! but nothing came out. The song took hold of my bones and I clapped in time with it. And I saw the light go out of his eyes.

Uncle Dale sat down in the chair, and everyone cheered. Papa popped a champagne, Mama jumped up and down, and Annie wrapped Uncle Dale in a blanket and kisses.

Uncle Dale sat down in the chair and never rose again.

May 24, 2023 23:23

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75 comments

Philip Ebuluofor
20:11 Jun 04, 2023

Congrats. This week alone I have read short stories full of: he sat and never got up again. Two or three different times. Congrats again.

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Michał Przywara
20:49 Jun 05, 2023

Thanks, Philip! That's an odd coincidence - might be a story itself, about déjà vu or something. I appreciate the feedback!

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Aeris Walker
15:56 Jun 04, 2023

Always something fresh and new from you, and this one was no exception! I really liked the voice right from the get-go. We like and trust the narrator and want to stick around to hear his story. And I think choosing to tell it from the boy’s perspective worked really well. What I loved most about this is how it comes full circle in such a neat and tidy way, but that it has so many layers under the surface. I feel like each one of these family members could be extracted and analyzed and given 3000 words of their own story. There’s a lesson ...

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Michał Przywara
23:12 Jun 04, 2023

Thank you, Aeris! And I think your conclusions are right on. If we're happy (or at least not miserable) where we are, and someone who is part of that decides to improve, there's a risk they'll upset our balance. This is of course a selfish way of looking at things, but I think it's understandable and not totally irrational. Yeah, the characters here probably would have a full story each - glad to hear they were distinct enough to warrant that :) I appreciate the feedback!

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Geir Westrul
15:33 Jun 04, 2023

Michał, what a darkly comic and thought provoking story! It reminded me of Morrissey's song "We Hate It When Our Friends Become Successful", as in these lyrics: And if we can destroy them You bet your life we will destroy them If we can hurt them Well, we may as well, it's really laughable Ha, ha, ha --- My favorite lines: "We don't guess in this house," Papa said, but his voice wasn't as hardwood as it normally was. (loved the "hardwood" description of Papa's voice) --- In any case, we all cheered when Uncle Dale sat down at ...

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Michał Przywara
23:07 Jun 04, 2023

Thanks, Geir! I'm very glad to hear that. And the song seems right on. Friends becoming successful? How dare they :) I wonder if that's related to being risk-averse. Supporting a friend's change carries a risk, after all, that they might outgrow you (and conveniently we ignore the possibility that their life improves). I think there's still a lot to explore in these themes. I appreciate the feedback! It's made my day :)

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Glenda Toews
14:14 Jun 03, 2023

Oh my goodness what a terrific story Michal! It sort of chokes your throat, doesn't it? This one will stick on my soul. Well done!

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Michał Przywara
20:09 Jun 04, 2023

Thanks, Glenda! I'm glad to hear you enjoyed it :) Yeah, it probably veers more sad than happy.

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Glenda Toews
00:38 Jun 05, 2023

It was up there with 'The Lottery' by Shirley Jackson... thought-provoking about humanity. And was a topic of conversation with my husband on a walk. It's interesting with Uncle Dale, I wanted him to get up and walk and have his life, but I understand that his life was his family. Also, I wish he was able to communicate with the family that it didn't matter what people perceived him as, or 'hero funds' or what the neighbors thought, I wish he was able to communicate that his walking was 'better' than all of that. It was chilling in its reali...

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Michał Przywara
20:46 Jun 05, 2023

I'm a big fan of Shirley Jackson's work, so that means a lot :) Incidentally, I think you hit on a major theme there: communication. How many of life's problems would just effortlessly vanish, if we all knew how to communicate better? I've heard a lot of criticism get thrown at "lazy writing" which invents a problem that could have easily been solved if the characters just spent all of five seconds talking like adults. This is especially true in sitcom plotlines. But the kicker is - this happens in real life too. Maybe our lives are poor...

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Glenda Toews
01:39 Jun 06, 2023

re communication, agreed! I knew it would stick with me a long time the moment Uncle Dale sat back down in that damn chair!

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Wally Schmidt
05:54 May 31, 2023

In this devasting, well-told tale you inserted a bit of humour which made it more bareable. In addition to the humour, some of the descriptions are wonderful. "...his voice wasn’t as hardwood as it normally was." Annie’s face had nearly washed off in all her tears. He had a smile like the horses at the merry-go-round at Fiddler’s Park.. While I was reading I kept thinking about about the handicapped parking vigilantes who accuse disabled people of parking where they shouldn't be because they can't 'see' their handicap, as if all handicaps n...

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Michał Przywara
22:18 May 31, 2023

Thanks, Wally! This feedback's made my day :) The parking vigilantes are a great kind of parallel, and frankly it sounds like there's lots of stories in this too. A lot of deciding how other people should or should not be, ignoring the facts in favour of preconceptions. It sounds like it would be mortifying being confronted by someone like this, and having to "prove" you belong. Might be an interesting challenge to make both the accused and the vigilante sympathetic for the reader. Regarding your critique - you're right, perhaps the stor...

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Susan Catucci
00:01 May 30, 2023

Hi Michal - what you have here is relatable to some, devastating to others and, disquieting of all, some kind of norm somewhere somehow. We live a life that is, beyond the 'it takes a village' and 'we are the world' ultimately ours alone. How many times have you heard it said we die alone. We live alone, don't we, with others around for contrast or support, to model what we decide we do or don't want for ourselves. I came across something I found useful to keep in mind as you navigate life, people will present to you what, within thei...

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Michał Przywara
20:49 May 30, 2023

Thanks, Susan! We live alone indeed - though the fact we can recognize that is itself remarkable. It's like "indirect closeness". We can walk the same path, but we can't do so at the same time, and we'll still probably have different opinions and insights of the journey. "So, what is criticism beyond a glimpse inside the critic?" What a fantastic way of phrasing it :) But it certainly seems true. We are all necessary biased by our own lives. Maybe this is why having multiple perspectives on something is useful, as it helps filter those bia...

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Susan Catucci
17:35 May 31, 2023

Hi Michal - it occurred to me after the fact that your second paragraph, sentence 4 and 5 above is the exact reasoning behind having a jury system; juries of 12 for criminal and 6-8 for civil. Bet you'll find it quoted somewhere in a law library. (The last line of the paragraph covers precisely how the defendant feels about it.) :)

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Michał Przywara
22:09 May 31, 2023

Ah, you're totally right! I was more picturing how we might chat about things with others to make sense of them, or maybe peer review in science, but of course - a jury fits the bill too :)

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Nathaniel Miller
19:19 May 29, 2023

Once again, a really thoughtful, thought-provoking story, Michal. Like others, I really liked the way this challenges the societal view of what a hero is. Is it just someone who was injured in the line of fire? Or is a hero a greater, deeper, thing, something less tangible, at least on the surface area? You have a wide supporting cast here, and I'm a fan of it. It adds a good bit to the believability of the story and the authenticity of the narrator's voice. Even the mention of "Fiddler's Park" gets at a whole level of depth. If you can'...

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Michał Przywara
20:51 May 30, 2023

Thanks Nathaniel! Yeah, everyone seems to have a strong opinion of what a hero is here, and none of that seems to line up with what Dale actually wants. Tricky spot to be in. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and very grateful for the feedback. Best of luck to you too!

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Michelle Oliver
04:16 May 28, 2023

Love it. A good look at what we all gain from someone else staying confined to their world, status or, as in this story, chair. When someone wants to change utterly, it’s almost impossible for the people around them to readjust their thinking, their ways and beliefs about how that person fits with their preconceived world. Breaking free or bowing down, that is the dilemma. Both possibilities are shown by this story and both equally destroy Uncle Dale’s life. A masterful tale as usual.

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Michał Przywara
20:57 May 29, 2023

Thanks, Michelle! That sounds right on. Maybe it's not fair that such a decision was forced on Dale, but life is hardly fair. Thankfully things don't always work out as poorly in the real world as they did here. I appreciate the feedback!

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Michelle Oliver
00:09 Jun 03, 2023

Congratulations on the short list this week. Well deserved in my opinion.

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Michał Przywara
00:30 Jun 03, 2023

Thank you :D

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Lily Finch
04:04 May 25, 2023

Michał, what a tale of Uncle Dale. Ultimately, he went through many emotions just to sit down and die. Your melodic prose entranced me, along with the writing style. A child's POV with the run-on sentences as the sentences all become one big sentence in the child's world as seen through a child's eye. Not your typical kind of writing. I like the left-justified block style. Further hammering home the POV. Quite a bunch of characters. Annie becomes jealous "Well then, just who is this gas station tart?” I loved the line. So good with th...

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Michał Przywara
20:47 May 25, 2023

Thanks, Lily! Yeah, the POV/voice was fun to play with. Very happy that worked out. I sometimes worry too much of my writing is my voice as the author, so this was a deliberate effort to do otherwise. I appreciate the feedback, on this unusual tale :)

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Unknown User
22:22 Jun 04, 2023

<removed by user>

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Michał Przywara
20:49 Jun 05, 2023

Thanks Joe! I struggle with sad stories, so I'm glad that came across. I appreciate the feedback!

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Chris Miller
15:22 Jun 02, 2023

Well done, Michal! A deserved shortlist. Good luck with whatever you are working on. Chris

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Michał Przywara
20:41 Jun 02, 2023

Thanks, Chris! I appreciate it :) And best of luck to you as well!

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