A Little Evil

Trigger warning: Substance abuse and vulgarity.

Names have been changed.

“Who is angry at an arcade?”  Fiancee asked looking at the old image on the screen. I found a disk of photos from the early 2000s, and I was starting to regret looking at the pictures.

There I was, in full makeup with lipstick, glaring at a pinball machine in a black leather jacket and jeans. I don’t wear makeup or leather anymore.  I don’t do a lot of things anymore. “It was supposed to be dinner and a movie,” I replied chuckling at the memory.

“What’s so funny?” Fiancee asked as he made the image his desktop background.

I thought momentarily and sighed, “That night,” I replied and chuckled again. I was standing in his office looking over his shoulder at the old picture.

“So it wasn’t all bad?” He asked looking up at me from his computer. 

“Well, I got to meet new people,” I said vaguely, laughing.

“Huh?” He asked confused.

“I told you how being a junkie we were constantly broke,” I said looking at him.  Those were my dark times, ten years spent using heroin. My ex and I once moved five times in one year due to evictions.

He nodded slowly, “But you guys went to the arcade?” he asked curiously.

“Doug was roofing and making about $30 bucks an hour, so he announced on Friday that he was taking me out on Saturday for dinner and a movie,”  I explained, staring at my younger self.  “I was excited, Doug and I never went out. Not on dates anyway.  Our evenings were usually spent on a dark street in Worcester waiting for our guy to show up.” I shrugged. “You have no idea how long it took me to put on makeup,” I said chuckling, “It took like 2 hours because I was high and nodding off. My eyes were bloodshot from me poking myself with the eyeliner pencil.”  I shook my head at the memories.

“You were high in this picture?” He asked pointing at the screen.

“I was usually high all the time if we could afford it,” I replied, I could feel myself falling into the memories, being sick and hustling for money. Scraping copper and aluminum for cash, picking up bottles, and selling anything and everything of value. “We would live in the cheapest place we could find for as long as we could, we got evicted a lot,” I said nodding. “We were living in an attic apartment, it only had two windows,” I explained shaking my head, “And the ceiling was like this,” I said holding my hands in a steeple, “we had to cut 2-3 inches off a stool so we could sit and reach the counter top without hitting our heads on the ceiling,” I laughed and shook my head at the images of the tiny apartment.  

“So what happened?  How did you end up at the arcade?” Fiancee asked curiously.

I took a deep breath and thought about where to start.  “Umm, like I said this was twenty-some-odd years ago, I was in my early to mid-twenties around this time,” I said gesturing to the monitor.  “I knew we were going out so I tried to use less so I wouldn’t nod off during dinner or the movie.  But I was still so high that normal tasks took longer, it took me about three hours to get ready.  While I was getting ready, Doug was in Worcester meeting our dealer, he got back around 5 o’clock and he was pissed.” I said my eyes wide, “The guy had been stringing Doug along 30 minutes at a time for the past three hours only to tell him he was out and to come back tomorrow.  But Doug had a plan, he already called his cousin who had a guy and we were going to meet them in Worcester before dinner.”  I said.

“Don’t tell me, you met them at the arcade,” Fiancee said proudly grinning.

I laughed, “We did!” I exclaimed, “We were there for a few hours, overdressed like a teenager on their first date,” I said shaking my head and pressing my lips together. “We went to the arcade and met his cousin Ben.  You remember Ben and his girlfriend?” I asked, “Shoot I can’t remember her name.” I said annoyed, I could see her heart-shaped face and bright blue eyes, always decked out in full makeup.  

“I remember, but I can’t remember her name,” Fiancee said thoughtfully,

I shrugged, “It will come to me in a few days,” I chuckled and continued.  “We got to the arcade and that is when I found out we were meeting them there because Ben’s guy wasn’t ready and we needed to kill time. That pissed me off, on top of it I hadn’t eaten because we were going out. I remember feeling uncomfortable because I was overdressed and out of place. I tried to embrace being around the games but it got boring after a few hours. It was almost 10 o’clock when we finally heard from Ben’s connect, he was dry until tomorrow as well.” I said rolling my eyes.  “On the ride home, I thought maybe we could try and catch a movie at the mall, no he drove right past the exit.  I remember looking at him and saying ‘No movies,’ and he shrugged.  Ugh, that just made me angrier, it was nothing to him that he blew off our date. I was pissed that I put so much energy into getting dressed up only to go to the arcade and have people stare at me.  I remember yelling at him while he was driving, telling him how embarrassed I was at the arcade. He said that how I felt was not his fault, and I wanted drugs just as badly as he did and he didn’t know what the big deal was.” I rolled my eyes and sighed.

“Seriously?  He didn’t get it?” Fiancee asked his brow furrowed.

I laughed and shook my head, “Nope, and then he decided he wanted a full-on fight and pulled into a parking lot of a bar down the street from our apartment.  You remember that place, The Lazy Dog?” I asked, “It was right down the hill from our tiny apartment,” I added.

Fiancee nodded thoughtfully, “I remember that place,” he said.

“As soon as he put the truck in park, I jumped out and ran to the bar.” I said and bit my lip, “There was a bouncer because there was a live band and a cover,” I paused, “I ah, I may have told the bouncer that I was being followed and described Doug.  The bouncer called me sweetheart, told me not to worry about it, and he let me in for free.” I confessed with an embarrassed laugh, I could feel my cheeks warming.

I started at my image and shrugged, “I was there until the last call hanging out at the bar,” I said shaking my head, “I started my journey home, I remember thinking it was taking longer than usual to climb the hill and get home.  I decided to take a break in front of the Dairy Queen, I leaned against the telephone pole and lit a cigarette.  I was about halfway through when I heard someone say ‘Excuse me, Miss?’ scaring the crap out of me.” I laughed and imitated being startled holding a cigarette, “I looked and it was a cop, it was two,” I said holding my fingers up. “I wasn’t holding, but the fear was always there, I looked at him and smiled and said hi.  The cop asked if I was okay and I looked right at him and said ‘Yes Ossifer, I’m okay, just heading home,’ and I pointed at our building,” I explained, my hand in the air pointing at the memory in the distance, I sighed and looked at Fiancee. “Thankfully they left and told me not to be there when they came back around,” I chuckled. “I staggered home and made it up the old wooden stairs without hurting myself.  Doug was in his jimjams on the sofa watching Stargate.” I laughed and shook my head, “I went directly to the bedroom, which was through the living room, and he said ‘Hey you know that fucking bouncer wouldn’t let me in,’ I remember saying oh really, and went to bed.” I chuckled.

“He didn’t know?” Fiancee asked

I shook my head slowly and pursed my lips, “I used to think that story was funny, but now I’m not sure how I feel about it,” I said thoughtfully.