The Death of Stars

I think I might be the only person that is willing to die for my job. Maybe that is why I’m standing on this ledge. I know for certain, if I do this, I will be the most sought after actress in Hollywood. Let’s face it, no director wants an actor that refuses to do scenes and requests a stunt double. They want excitement and buzz, it’s the only reason I was given a chance in Hollywood in the first place. 

I will be praised for my performance in the movie, maybe it’s just my sick mind wanting to jump. Or maybe I have truly become the character. Either way I will convince the audience that this is what I want. To die a sick and stylish death. Standing on this ledge I can almost see the headlines. 

Actress Lilith Jan pronounced dead after stunt gone wrong. 

The blaring ring of the On Set alarm brings me back. The director is on the ground staring up at me. His firetruck megaphone chirps before his voice reaches my ears. 

“Lilith after I say action I want you to count to five and jump.” His eyes showed nothing but excitement when I requested no harness. 

The director stepped back and held up his bullhorn, I waited and waited until he yelled, “Action!” 

Looking at the camera zooming in on me I let loose.

One. Death.

Two. If I move six feet to the left.

Three. I am like glass.

Four. Would my manager be mad? Probably.

Five. Jump.

I could feel when my heels left the ledge. Suddenly I felt like a feather falling ever so slowly. This must have been how Alice felt. The wind rushing around me as gravity tries to prevent my body from falling. My hair was flying up as the fans from below blew to mimic true wind. 

The slow motion of this fall sped up until I landed with a thud onto the cushion, snapping me back to reality. “Cut! That was perfect, the emotion you showed gave me chills.”

The writer nodded in approval at the screen playing back the cut. 

An intern helped me up from the deflated pillow as I rolled to get to the floor.

“Lilith Jan, it was a pleasure working with you.” 

I gave my five carat diamond smile and thanked her for all the work she had done. 

“Miss. Jan, truly amazing working with you!”

“Thank you Paul.”

“Lilith, I hope to work with you again someday.”

“I shall see you again Ella.” I had turned hoping to avoid anymore pleasantries. 

My manager came around quickly wrapping a towel around me, before pointing to the dressing rooms. “Great performance today. With that last scene, everyone was on edge. When the media hears you did such a dangerous stunt they will flip.”

“Dangerous?” I chuckled, “That’s nothing.”

“Nothing?!” My manager glanced back at me. “You jumped off the roof!” 

My makeup was smudged and runny as the previous scene was shot in the rain. Irene, my makeup artist got to work removing, and reapplying. “Thank you.” 

“With this movie, I have no doubt that we will get an award.” My poor manager. Dan was the only person in the company that volunteered to work with me. My poor attitude, and resting bitch face scared everyone else away.

Dan dismissed the makeup team, and prepared my bag. “Your clothes for the day are in the bathroom. Get changed and we will get you sent home right away.” 

Once I heard the click of the door I turned back to the mirror. Another dazzling death. I could feel my reflection smirking at me. It must think I’m a psychotic bitch. 

This marks the sixth character I have played, the sixth tragic death. But with each one, I become more daring, more hungry for the real thing. Amelia Benar, a seventeen year old girl that commits suicide after finding her boyfriend has slept with her sister. The boyfriend and sister had manipulated Amelia into giving up her money for them. Such a silly little story, but I’m sure sane people won’t find the comedy in it. My eyes rolled down to the droplets of water falling from the white dress. 

A simple bath should do me some good. The screenwriter heard that I wasn’t satisfied with the plot. She could see my distaste for the character and the ‘happy ever after’, I told her how I wanted Amelia to die, and what would cause it. As the ending was flipping between happy and sad already, it wouldn’t have hurt for my input. 

At first she was hesitant but after sitting on it, she agreed an ending such as that would leave the audience in shock. I sank down into the tub as I let the cold water cover my head. I held my breath and cleared my mind. 

Amelia was a character that lived the same fate of Alice. Alice didn’t deserve what happened to her. But at least today I was able to feel how she did in her last moments. Before she hit the rocks, I knew that she was already dead. There is no telling if I caused it, or if she wanted it. Part of me wishes I killed Alice and part of me wishes I jumped first.

The funny thing is, I don’t remember everything that night. Maybe I was the reason she drove to the cliff, but I also believe she wanted me to jump with her. Except at the last second, I stepped back and watched as her body fell onto the jagged rocks. 

What we were doing at the cliff was a mystery to me. There was no camera’s to capture her death. I didn’t call the police, what could they have done? She was already gone. I sat there for two hours, looking at her lifeless body and watching as the blood drained from her wounds. 

I was terrified they police would suspect me of killing her. I left before the sun rose, when her family visited me to tell of her death, I was shocked. I sobbed and by the time they left, I had composed myself. I wasn’t truly upset about her death, I was mostly scared I would be pointed at. But I got a thrill of not being found. 

Technically I didn’t kill her, but I also didn’t do anything to stop her. My lungs were burning for air as the water rushed in. I popped up from the tub and sputtered out a few coughs. 

A quiet voice floated through the door. “Miss Jan, are you alright in there?” 

Quickly composing myself I replied, “Everything is fine! Thank you.”

The amount of times I have tried to die, my scars can show. I always chicken out at the last moment and grasp to my weak lifeline. Not today. Not like this, there needs to be an audience.