The Awakening

Chapter 1

As she stared out the window, her face was blank with no expression. The room was dark, unlit on purpose. What was the point of lighting the room, her whole life was dark, her marriage shrouded in secret, multilayered veils.

“Are you okay?” a small voice pierced through her muddled thoughts. She glanced at him and turned again to the window. It was her son, small and innocent, she did not have the words to answer him.

He stood there for a while, frightened by her silence, then left to find his twin. She always gave them attention, but today, something had changed. What could she say to him? Could she confide in the little boy the trauma that her latest discovery had unleashed. Certainly not.

Just yesterday, they had been placing things in boxes, starting a new life. There were smiles and plans, dreams of a brighter tomorrow. The children had been running helter skelter from room to room as she and Ed placed their items in boxes and labeled them for the moving trucks. Happy family, new home, happy life.

And then it happened... again....

Ed had just gone to meet with the condo manager to make the key drop off plans when she saw it, there on the bed. Her husbands phone.

At a glance, she knew it was unlocked. Should she look? This had never led to something good. But her hand was inexorably drawn to it, like a moth to the flame, drawn to look, as if by fate….

And there they were, just like she knew they would be. Pictures of random women again, smiling faces that told her she was living a lie. This time, they were even younger than the last and she realised with a twinge of pain and jealousy, more beautiful than she was. They had the glow of youth and one the seduction that a young woman just shy of her 18th birthday would have.

As she stared at the pictures, she felt the breath leave her body and she flopped on to the edge of the bed. It felt like she had just been punched in the gut, a visceral pain ran through her gut to her chest. Hot tears sprang to her eyes, but they would not fall. Even her tears would not give her relief.

“This can’t be happening again”, she whispered to herself; as she said this, anger began to bubble to the surface.

“Tread carefully, you know where this can lead” her logical mind warned. She sat there numb; her arms wrapped around her waist as if to soothe the pain. Ed would hit her when she confronted him with his affairs, she must be careful this time.

Chapter 2

“Hey honey, all the arrangements are made! We’re good to go” Ed sauntered happily into the room. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You don’t look too good.”

Claire looked up and slowly handed him his phone, the picture of a young woman smiling at them from the screen was accusation enough.

“What’s this?” Ed asked, a confused expression on his face.

“I don’t know, you tell me” Claire hissed. “I thought this was over, after everything I’ve done for this family, how could you do this?!”

Ed took his phone from her, “It’s time to move the boxes, let’s talk about this later, ok?”

The rest of the day was a blur, Claire could hardly function, but she did her duties, this was after all what was expected of her.

Her mother had taught her well and once she stopped questioning Ed about his affairs, he had given her everything she had wanted. A new house and new car, the children in an elite school and football academy, all this had been done at her bidding. So she felt the need to keep the mask on to keep these “things”.

But at what cost to her soul? At what cost to her joy?

“Mummy, I’m hungry.”

Claire looked away from the window, it was her son again, but now he had his twin with him. But she couldn’t get herself to move from the spot seated on her bed in the dark room. She looked back at the window and her mind began to swirl again with questions. Surely this couldn’t be all there was to life. There had to be a better way…., she thought.

The children ran out of the room, no doubt they would ravage the fridge and make a mess, but this time Claire didn’t care about the house or if it was presentable.

Her phone began to ring, she picked it up. It was Sadie, her childhood friend. “Hi girl, how are you? Did the move go well?” Sadie asked.

“Oh Sadie, thank God it’s you. I don’t know what to do,” said Claire.

As she said those words, the tears came strong and fast, streaming down her face as she suddenly released the torrent of emotion that had been damming up inside her.

“What’s wrong, Claire? Are the kids okay? Ed?”, Sadie asked.

Claire poured out her heart and told of the many years of infidelity, the hidden text messages, the lies and deception from Ed. She told of the physical violence when she tried to confront the many trysts that she had uncovered.

As she told the story, it dawned on her the patterns that were playing out in her life.

Her mother had cried as she was crying now, moaning over a situation that was entirely in her control. Even as a child she had asked in her mind, but why do you accept this treatment? Why do you stay?”

“I’m know what to do Sadie, I’m not going to take this anymore” Claire sobbed through her tears. “I just can’t see the way clearly, I don’t know the how, but I have to do something.”

Sadie sighed deeply and said, “You will find the way Claire, I just know you will. You will find a way, do it for you and for the boys. They can’t be raised in this sort of environment.” Sadie said.

You’ve been a shell of yourself these past 3 years and I’ve been watching you with so much pain and sadness. I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

“I’ve got to go, I’m at work and my boss is hovering over me. I’ll check on you after hours, okay?”

“Okay,” Claire whispered.

As she hung up, a calm feeling washed over her. She had often been perplexed by the reasons why her mother just sat and cried every time she got news of her father’s many affairs. She watched the news and saw so many bright intelligent women become shells of themselves. They smiled standing inches behind their husbands in fancy suits addressing issues from the discovery of some scandalous affair or picture.

Claire would shake her head and wonder how they could be content living a lie. But here she was acting as if she was helpless in the face of the very same circumstance.

As the setting sun threw its light in a long ray into the dark room, she suddenly realised that she was not helpless, she was not a victim. She could rewrite this script and be the heroine of her story. And by God that was what she was going to do.

“Come boys, Mummy is going to make pizza, who wants one? she asked as she wiped the already drying tears from her eyes.

“Meeee” yelled the boys, running to her and with her into the kitchen.

She would rebuild what had been broken inside her Claire thought as she made them a meal and she knew this was the beginning of her awakening, the day she determined to move on.

She would triumph came hail or high water. She didn’t know the steps to take yet but she knew they would come. All she knew was that this could not be the end of her story.

The veils and masks that she had hid behind, the fake smiles and happy family pictures sent out at Christmas. All these things she wanted for real and there would be no more pretending, this was her time to build things back, this was her time to awaken to the best and highest version of her being.

Energized, she smiled at her sons as they placed the frozen pizza in the oven together. And for the first time in years, Claire’s smile was genuine, and it came from her heart.

She hadn’t felt that in years, this could be good, this could be really good…..

Chapter 3

“Should I shut the door or keep it open?” That was George, her executive assistant, he was a bit clumsy but so very reliable.

“You can shut the door, George, I have some writing to do. “Have a good weekend!” said Claire.

It had been 5 years since that day at her home, she liked to call it her Awakening Day. Claire and the children had moved on and out of their home with Ed. She had accepted that if there was going to be change, it had to start with her.

So she made her move, got a job and a car in her name and an apartment with the children. It was hard at first, but, ironically, there was more laughter in their new home. And when they laughed, they were real belly laughs.

The things Claire thought she needed to make her happy she discovered were not necessary after all. She began to find joy in herself, she began to live again. And there was help, she discovered, she went back to school and enrolled for government assistance. Her case worker was so supportive, cheering her on and making sure her basic needs stayed funded.

To help her through the tough times, she began to journal her thoughts and write again; a hobby she had long abandoned as she pursued the house, the status, the cars; all the things social conditioning told her would make her happy.

One day she came across an ad calling for writers to submit their works for a prize. She submitted her story and won….$1,000 in cash and a publishing deal!

Five years in, Claire had written two books with a third on the way and she had a retinue of clients that she wrote ad copies for.

“Fate had been in play after all” she mused aloud to herself. Claire would not have traded in who she was now for anything. She had found herself again and all the dormant talents that lay in her and some new ones even popped up on some days.

“Mom! You promised you would come watch a movie with us” said Ken as he burst into her office.

“Alright, I’ll be there in a bit, let me pack up these notes and I’ll be with you”, Claire replied.

As she locked up for the day, Claire took in the sights, her office and her sons waiting in the foyer for her to join them. They were now in college, Ken was interning with a reputable game developer company and Aiden was a star-athlete in his school, both were stellar students and had amazing grades.

She was satisfied she had made the right choice; she had chosen love over fear and in doing so had found courage to live her best life. The children were also free, not having learned generational patterns that did not serve them, a whole new world lay at their feet to explore, and they were doing such a good job.

“It’s going to get even better”, said Claire to herself as she turned the key in the lock. The best is yet to come.

The End